


No More Words

by lachlanrose



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Drama, F/M, Rogan, Smut, adult, shipper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 04:08:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 57,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lachlanrose/pseuds/lachlanrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A snowbound Logan finds Marie online. Words are exchanged. Things get complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Snowbound

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were. Never will be, so sue me and you'll regret it, bub. Marvel owns the fun people. John Hiatt owns the song. I own nothing. Crap.
> 
> Feedback: Please? With a Logan snow angel on top?
> 
> Notes: This one clocks in at nineteen chapters, so grab your popcorn and sit back. The ride is gonna be long and wild. A very heartfelt thanks to Taryn for the wonderful beta. This would have been awful without you, girl. And a special thanks to Leah. Your kind words of encouragement were greatly appreciated. This fic was a response to Karen's 'You've Got Mail' bunny. Written after I saw X1. Edited for reposting 2013. 
> 
>  
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seventeen steps. Seventeen goddamn steps from one side of this cabin to the other. The same number no matter how many times he walked it. That in itself wasn't surprising. He knew every inch of this cabin inside and out - and not just because he'd been stuck in it for the past month.

It was his. He'd built this cabin way up here in the middle of the northern Canadian wilderness with his own two hands. It was rustic to say the least. Over the years he'd made improvements on it whenever he passed through. Compared to how it had been in the beginning, it wasn't half bad. At least it had running water and electricity now. As far as Logan was concerned, that put it right up there with the Ritz.

He continued pacing. He wasn't too sure what made this winter different. He'd spent a lot of winters holed up in this place, waiting for spring to touch the earth once again. It had been at least a month now since he'd been snowed in. Well, to be fair, snowed in wasn't exactly accurate. The truck and bike were definitely stuck here, but if he really wanted to he could have left. It would have been a long cold trek through blizzard conditions but with the help of his healing factor he could have made it to the nearest town. Maybe.

The only problem with being stuck in here for the winter was that it gave a man too much time to think. Most of the other winters he'd spent thinking about his past, sifting through what little information he'd uncovered, trying to find some answers. This was the first winter he'd given any thought to the future.

Logan's thoughts shifted to Westchester and to Charles. It had been more than a year since he'd lit out of there on One Eye's bike.

_Damn. I wish I coulda seen the look on his face._

He chuckled quietly to himself. It had been a long year since he'd left the school in search of his past. In truth, it had been closer to two. Every so often he'd let Charles know if any of the leads had yielded anything worthwhile. So far it hadn't amounted to much, but he still checked back with Charles every now and again to see if he had turned up anything new that might be of use.

At least now they had a system. He wasn't especially happy with it, but it beat having Charles's voice thunder in his head at some unexpectedly inopportune moment. The first time it had happened he'd very nearly wrapped his truck around a tree. The scathing mental response he'd sent back must have been more than sufficient because the voice went away and a few days later a package from Charles had arrived at his motel.

That had been more than a year ago, but the memory was still fresh in his mind. Being pissed off about something had a tendency to do that - at least for Logan anyway. He paced across the cabin, lost in thought as the memories of that day flitted across his mind.

He'd grabbed the package from the delivery guy and slammed the motel door with a snarl.

_Goddamn mind readin' telepaths._

For Christ's sake, if he'd wanted them to know where he was he would have told them.

_Just great. The last thing I need is for Chuck to go dickin' around in my head stirrin' shit up._

Scowling, he turned his attention to the package, simply wrapped in heavy brown paper.

Inside it he found a state of the art laptop, complete with email and internet access from any location at the touch of a button. He didn't even want to know how much that had cost, let alone how it worked. Also included was an extremely expensive looking leather carrying case and a small note.

_I trust this will suffice._   
_\- Charles_

While computers weren't exactly his thing, he wasn't a complete moron. Logan turned it on and fiddled with it a little.

_God, life's a bitch. How the hell can I forget shit like my own damn birthday but remember the 'home row'? That's seriously fucked up._

After discovering he was at least quasi proficient with the damn thing, he checked the files Charles had left for him. Along with a new list of leads and some commentary on what he'd discovered so far, he saw that Charles had taken the liberty of putting a few names and addresses into his address book and he had entered some contacts into his messenger as well.

_I wonder who Chuck thinks I might wanna talk to._

He read through the messenger list. 'Wheels' was the first entry. Logan smirked at Charles's sense of humor. _Nice one, Chuck._ 'Cyke' was the next one. He snorted. _Figures, that guy has NO imagination._ 'DocSummers' came after that. _Got the message loud and clear, Red. You don't have to draw me a fuckin' map. It was just a little harmless flirtin'. Get over it already, Christ. Besides, you were the one feelin' me up, remember?_ Logan made an utterly masculine noise of irritated exasperation. _Hmph. Women._ Below that one was 'WthrGdss'. _Yeah, definitely her style, understated... right up until she nukes your ass with a bolt of lightnin'._ Last on the list was 'TwoPairs'. Logan cracked a smile. _TwoPairs, huh?_

_Marie._

The name whispered across his mind and he couldn't help but smile.

He shook his head. That girl was a definite danger to his sanity. Logan rubbed his hand roughly over his grizzled jaw. He knew the 'pairs' had to be a reference to gloves. So, if there were two pairs that meant one for her and one for someone else, and the only reason someone else would be wearing gloves would be so they could touch her.

Logan growled at the direction his thoughts had taken. Anger spiked hotly inside him at the idea of someone else touching her.

_Shit._

He stood up abruptly, too agitated to sit still. He stalked back and forth across the motel room, furious at himself for feeling so possessive about Marie and furious at the thought of someone - someone not him - touching her.

Frustration, confusion and rage bubbled inside him, quickly reaching the boiling point. Trashing the room would only draw undue attention to himself, so instead he channeled every bit of what he was feeling into getting the hell out of Dodge. He threw what little he owned into his pack and loaded up the truck before returning to the room. Only one thing left to do now. He stared stonily at the compact piece of black hardware.

_Screw it. It's either this or have Chuck in my head again. Some choice._ Logan sat down and began to type.

+++++  
(Email)

Charles,

Got your package. It'll work. I got some things to say about it though. Read my mind again and we're done. I just walk away. I've had enough people fucking with my head. It's my choice what I share and what I don't. Next time - ask. If I want to tell you, I will. That said, I'm heading out to check up on the new leads. I'll check back in a few weeks and let you know if I found anything. Take care of the kid.

L  
+++++

A loud pop from the fire brought Logan's attention back to the present. He stopped pacing and dropped heavily into a chair by the hearth. Things had been going on that way between them for more than a year now. Logan wrote Charles when he could, usually once or twice a month. Charles always replied promptly, usually within minutes. His commentary and advice had proved helpful on more than one occasion and so had the personal tidbits he usually included concerning Marie. Those were always the last thing he mentioned and the part Logan always read first.

Oh, it was never much; just a sentence or two, but Logan filed each and every one of those Marie-bits away. He kept them locked away inside himself, like some kind of treasure. He took them out, replaying them over and over in his mind when things got bad... when he needed something to get him through the night - something more than cage fights, cheap whiskey and cheaper women. Those things - they eased his body. Marie, she eased his heart, soothed his tired ragged soul when the nightmares clawed at him.

Those precious lines he so greedily hoarded, so carefully guarded, did more to ease him than he cared to admit. There were twelve Marie-messages in all, and he knew each and every one of them by heart.

September 2nd - Rogue is well. Despite the six months she spent away from school, her test scores are more than ample to allow her to graduate on time. Quite frankly, with her scores, she was eligible for a GED, but she chose instead to finish out her remaining year of school. I think, perhaps, she wanted some time to simply enjoy being carefree again. She speaks of you often and smiles. - Charles

October 23rd - Rogue seems to be enjoying life here at the school. She is often seen in the company of her roommates, whom she fondly calls 'Kit-Kat' and 'Jubes'. Although she frequently indulges herself in their more juvenile behavior, at times she seems wise beyond her years. She is a most charming young woman. - Charles

November 5th - Rogue celebrated her eighteenth birthday yesterday. I think she was expecting to see you. I saw her in the garden, watching the gates and holding your dog tags in her hand. Perhaps it is better you did not come. Some lessons are easier learned sooner than later. - Charles

November 29th - Rogue is doing well in school. While she does not care for my physics class, she has a true gift for art. I believe it is her favorite subject. Perhaps one day she will show you some of her work. I think you might be surprised. - Charles

December 17th - Rogue has decided to spend her holidays at school this year instead of going home with one of her friends. I don't believe she expects to see you, but there is a gift for you under the tree. I am certain it is from her. I can send it to you if you prefer, or keep it here until your return. Merry Christmas. - Charles

February 3rd - Rogue is having a wonderful winter. I often see her playing outside in the snow with the younger children. I think she prefers this season because, for once, she isn't the only one wearing a scarf and gloves. I've noticed she likes to take long walks alone when it's snowing. Perhaps, like you, she is drawn to the still quiet of the woods. - Charles

March 31st - Rogue declined to go on spring break with the other students. Instead, she borrowed one of the cars and took a road trip by herself. By the looks of it, she had a wonderful time. I think she just needed to get away for a while. I was reluctant to let her go, but she is eighteen and this is a school, not a prison. Rest assured, she returned to us safe and sound. - Charles

April 14th - Rogue has moved into your old room. There was a near miss involving her 'gift' and one of her roommates. Despite all of our pleading, she was adamant about moving out. She wanted me to relay to you the next time we spoke, that she was in no way trying to usurp your place by taking your room. She is planning on moving out upon your return. She said only she needed a place she felt safe. - Charles

June 27th - I'm pleased to say Rogue recently graduated with honors. I have attached a picture of her in her cap and gown. She has chosen not to attend college at this time, and instead has accepted a position teaching art to the younger students, despite my offer to let her stay on indefinitely. I do not believe she likes feeling indebted any more than you do. - Charles

August 6th - Rogue is well and in fine spirits despite the fact that most of her friends have gone away to univeristy. She seems content, for now, to stay here at the school. She mentioned in passing that if we spoke again she'd like for me to pass along her thanks for the use of your room. She says it brought her peace. - Charles

October 20th - Rogue is a favorite teacher among the younger students. The tale of her rescue at your hands has become something of a legend with her students. She still smiles when she hears your name and is quick to defend you to Scott, who seems a little put out by their belated hero worship. I realize such adoration makes you uncomfortable, but know that Rogue tells the story honestly. She does not make you out to be larger than life. To her, you are simply the man who saved her life. - Charles

November 4th - Rogue is nineteen today. So much the same and yet so different from the girl she was a year ago. I caught her again in the garden, holding your tags and watching the gate. When I approached her, she just smiled apologetically and told me in a quiet voice that she knew you were not coming, but that sitting there thinking of you "that way" was her gift to herself. I know that Jean once told you she felt Rogue was 'a little taken with you.' I do not pretend to know her heart, but I would suggest that whatever she feels for you, be it friendship or more, should not be confused with the first crush of a young girl for the hero who saved her. I think today she proved she is no longer a girl, but a strong young woman who knows her own mind. You would be proud of her. I am. - Charles

Logan leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. That last one, the twelfth one, was just a month old. It was both a pleasure and a torture to hear these snippets of Marie's life. Sometimes the things Charles wrote about her made him smile and sometimes they made his chest so tight, so painful, he could hardly breathe. He always read the end of Charles's emails first, hoping for some word of her. It didn't matter that sometimes the words were painful. At least they brought him news of her - and for a while that had been enough.

Logan pushed himself up from the chair and went and got the laptop from its case, where it had been sitting untouched since the last one - number twelve. That one had been one of the hard-to-breathe ones. For weeks he hadn't wanted to read another word, afraid of what other Marie-things Charles might tell him. Still, he knew he wouldn't be able to stay away forever. Those words were his only link to Marie. Unaware he was soundlessly reciting the words from the number twelve, he went and poured himself some whiskey before sitting down in front of the glowing screen. He clicked the icon and sat back, taking a large swallow of the amber liquid while he waited.

+++++  
(Email)

Logan,

I trust this email finds you well. I am sorry that last lead provided little in the way of useful information. I understand from your last correspondence that you will be finding a place to over-winter soon. As always, I want you to know you are more than welcome to stay here as long as you like. Our door is always open to you, whether you wish to join our cause or not. The choice is entirely up to you. I am working on some new leads, but the going is slow and people are reluctant to talk. I feel confident that by spring, I should have something more for you.

Rogue has been a bit more reserved than usual since her birthday. I do not think she is pining away as some believe, but I am heartened to see she has been cheered by the arrival of her friends, who are back for the winter holidays. Just this afternoon they were involved in a snowball fight on the quad. It was wonderful to hear Rogue's laughter after a month of soft words and quiet smiles. Despite having Bobby 'The Iceman' on their side, the boys found themselves soundly trounced by the girls. I think, perhaps, Rogue was the reason for their decisive victory. She plays to win, just as you do.

\- Charles  
+++++

_Heh. Way to kick a little ass, darlin'._

Logan let out a breath he wasn't even aware he'd been holding. Thankfully, this had been one of smiling ones, not one of the gut-wrenching, make-him-trash-his-motel-room kinda ones. He took another sip of the whiskey, enjoying the smooth slow burn while he checked the date. This one was already a week old.

He wondered what she was doing right now, this minute. See, that was the danger of these things. They always left him with more questions than answers. Sometimes he wondered if Charles did that on purpose. This time he wondered why she'd been so quiet since her birthday and if it had to do with him or if it was something else. Or some _one_ else.

_TwoPairs._

His mind would pick now to remember that little bit of information. What if it _was_ someone else? Not that he wanted her to be pining away for him - much. He wanted her to be happy. If that meant putting up with some little twerp in her life, then so be it - but he didn't have to be happy about it.

_No way. Not happy about some little punk puttin' his hands all over Marie. Not happy about the THOUGHT of some little punk touchin' her. Shit._

Maybe he should talk to her, just a little, you know - make sure she was ok and happy and all that shit. He'd been thinking about it for a while now. Maybe now was a good time. He'd seen her online a few times over the past year, not nearly as often as the others, though. He looked for her each and every time he sent Charles an email. Those few times she had been on he'd just sat there watching that little box with her name lit up until she went offline. It was never long, and he felt like a fucking pansy for doing it, but he couldn't help himself.

Logan finished his whiskey and got up. He padded barefoot across the rough wooden floor and threw a log on the fire. He lit up a cigar and came back to the laptop now that he'd decided what he was going to say to Charles.

+++++  
(Email)

Charles,

Don't worry about the leads. I know there's not much to go on. Those bastards knew how to cover their tracks. As for this winter, I already found a place to stay. Thanks for the invite, but I've still got some things to do before I come back. You can tell the kid there's plenty of snow here but nobody's been stupid enough to throw a snowball at me. Glad to hear she's doing ok. Take care of her.

L  
+++++

Logan went to the bathroom and got another drink while he waited for Charles's response. Like usual, he didn't have to wait long.

+++++  
(Email)

Logan,

While I will never fully understand your frustration at the inability to find those responsible for the experiments you endured, I too have found the process tasking. I have made little progress, but I am hopeful by spring I will have something more tangible.

I am sorry to hear you will not be joining us for the winter, but I understand completely. The holiday season is in full swing here. As there was last year, there is another gift for you from Rogue. I will keep it with the one from last year until you return to claim them. I'm sure Rogue will be delighted to hear you have remained snowball free. One moment... I've just spoken with her telepathically - and before you get upset, no, I did not tell her I was writing you. She said, and I quote (if one can quote a thought, that is), "Tell him I miss him - in a good way - and he's lucky I'm not around or he could kiss that snowball free winter goodbye." Merry Christmas, Logan.

\- Charles  
+++++

Logan sat dumbfounded, feeling like he'd been sucker punched.

_Marie. Marie just talked to me. I mean, not to me, to him, but she told him somethin' for me._

Any remaining reservation he had about contacting Marie flew right out the window. Logan grinned wickedly.

_And she teased me too. Well, we'll just see about that._

_Your turn is comin', darlin'._ _Your turn is comin'._

* * *

 


	2. Two Pairs

After setting up his account and choosing the name Snowbound for obvious reasons, Logan set out to catch Marie online. It was three days of waiting and watching that nearly drove him mad before he finally caught her.

_Hot damn, she's on. Time to have a little fun._

+++++  
(Chat)

(Snowbound) Two Pairs, huh? poker?

(TwoPairs) no, not poker  
(TwoPairs) why do you ask?

(Snowbound) curiosity  
(Snowbound) interesting name

Pause

(Snowbound) so if not poker, then what?

(TwoPairs) gloves, okay?  
(TwoPairs) and no... I'm not gonna elaborate

_Geesh, like I'm gonna tell some weirdo, yeah two pairs. One for me and one for him so nobody gets the life sucked outta them when we touch. Assuming that someone would ever want to touch me like that. Who is this nut, anyway?_

At least the random message hadn't been nasty or disrespectful. She was tired of complete strangers trying to get her to talk dirty and she'd really had her fill of assholes attempting to send her unsolicited photographs of their naked parts. Still, it was tempting to talk to someone who didn't know a thing about her. It appealed to her sense of adventure. Maybe for once she could be someone other than 'that girl with the poison skin'.

It's not like she had anyone else to talk to, really. Most of her friends were gone away to college now and she didn't exactly fit in with the rest of the team yet. She was still too young and green. And God only knew where Logan was. She knew he checked in with the Professor from time to time, but beyond that, nobody had heard a thing from the man in well over a year.

Marie shrugged. Maybe she would talk to this person. She could be random, too. Unlike most out of-the-blue messages she received, this one hadn't been crass or suggestive, and it had been a while since she'd done something off-the-wall just for herself. She smiled, thinking of her last road trip. It had really been too long.

_Damn, this shit is kinda fun._

Logan could just imagine Marie sitting at her desk getting all riled up. He chuckled softly and wondered if he should tell her who he was. He discarded that idea almost as soon as it formed. It wasn't that he was trying to deceive her, but the last thing he wanted was everyone knowing how to get a hold of him. Nobody knew about this place and he wanted it kept that way. All he wanted was someone to talk to every now and then. For Christ's sake, he'd been snowed in a month now and his own company had become something less than stellar as the days had turned into weeks.

(Snowbound) ok. fair enough  
(Snowbound) you got a name?  
(Snowbound) something I can call you other than TwoPairs?

(TwoPairs) you can call me Rogue

(Snowbound) are you one?

(TwoPairs) sometimes. depends.  
(TwoPairs) do you have something I can call you besides Snowbound?

He thought about that and tossed out all his usual aliases. He wasn't sure how much she knew about his past. Shit, he didn't know what to tell her.

Pause

(Snowbound) no  
(Snowbound) no names. not yet  
(Snowbound) ok?

(TwoPairs) sure thing, sugar  
(TwoPairs) you're the one who messaged me, remember?

(Snowbound) sugar  
(Snowbound) you can call me that if you want  
(Snowbound) what guy wouldn't like to have a woman call him that?

_Shit, that might have come off soundin' like I'm flirtin' with her._ And then he realized he was flirting with her. _Damn isolation must have rattled me more than I thought. She's Marie. I don't think about her like that... Correction, I don't let myself think of her like that... Aw, fuck. That's a lie._ As time had passed, more and more often his sexual fantasies centered around Marie. _That's enough of that kinda thinkin', bub..._

(TwoPairs) you're a man?  
(TwoPairs) and just how do you know I'm a woman?

(Snowbound) hell yes I'm a man

Logan chomped furiously at his cigar. Nobody questioned the Wolverine's manhood. _Shit._ He needed to get a grip. It's not like she knew who she was talking to, he reminded himself. And he needed to be more careful before he gave himself away.

(Snowbound) and I'm guessing you're a woman  
(Snowbound) how many guys do you know who call people sugar?

(TwoPairs) well, don't get your shorts in a bunch  
(TwoPairs) how was I supposed to know?  
(TwoPairs) it's the internet. you could be anyone

(Snowbound) true enough, but reality is less exciting  
(Snowbound) I'm just a man snowed in up north and tired of talking to myself

(TwoPairs) you mean you really are snow bound?

(Snowbound) yes  
(Snowbound) hell of a winter up here  
(Snowbound) plenty of provisions just nobody to talk to  
(Snowbound) you're the first in weeks

(TwoPairs) really?

(Snowbound) yep

(TwoPairs) no phone?

(Snowbound) nope  
(Snowbound) I'm old school that way  
(Snowbound) I have a radio for emergencies

(TwoPairs) sounds lonely

(Snowbound) sometimes. depends.

There, maybe using her words wouldn't make him sound so pathetic. Ok, time to see if the geeks had been taking good care of Marie.

(Snowbound) you ever get lonely?

(TwoPairs) yeah, I guess I do  
(TwoPairs) I'm surrounded by people all the time but I'm still kinda alone  
(TwoPairs) I don't know if that makes much sense though

_Dammit. They were supposedta be takin' care of her. She was supposedta be happy. What happened to learnin' and bein' accepted and all that other shit Chuck talked about?_

(Snowbound) it makes perfect sense, darlin'

Pause

(Snowbound) you can talk to me if you want

(TwoPairs) I don't even know you

(Snowbound) I don't know you either  
(Snowbound) maybe we could get to know each other  
(Snowbound) I promise I'm not some asshole playing games  
(Snowbound) I could use a friend  
(Snowbound) maybe we could try that out

(TwoPairs) maybe

(Snowbound) I won't bullshit you, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I won't lie to you and I won't sugar coat it for you either  
(Snowbound) what you tell me stays with me and I'd expect the same of you  
(Snowbound) what do you think?

(TwoPairs) I think it sounds like we could both use the company

(Snowbound) is that a yes?

_Come on Marie. Talk to me. It's too damn quiet up here._

It already seemed less lonely and he'd only been talking with her a few minutes. He was getting excited. Who knew what kinds of things he might learn about her... if she agreed. For the first time since he'd holed up here, a long Canadian winter didn't sound like a completely bad thing. It wasn't that he wanted to be alone all the time. He just didn't know how to be with other people.

(TwoPairs) I must be crazy to even consider this

(Snowbound) I think a little crazy is good for clarity  
(Snowbound) what does your instinct tell you?

(TwoPairs) it says you're kinda weird...  
(TwoPairs) but then again I've always had a soft spot for weird ;)

_Well that's the understatement of the century. I'm half in love with a man I hardly know except for the shadow of 'him' left in my head and a few brief moments together. Alright. What the hell? I'll do it._

(TwoPairs) alright, sugar. yes

_Hot damn, darlin'. I knew you had it in you._

(Snowbound) you won't regret it

(TwoPairs) I hope not

(Snowbound) are you usually here at this time?  
(Snowbound) is it a good time to talk?

(TwoPairs) actually, I don't usually chat much...  
(TwoPairs) mostly just email  
(TwoPairs) my schedule can be a bit erratic... but either way is fine

(Snowbound) can I have your email then in case I can't find you here?

(TwoPairs) yeah ok  
(TwoPairs) it's roguex at Gmail

He noticed she didn't ask him for his. While that annoyed him a little, he was proud that Marie wasn't making this too easy for him. The thought of her talking with a strange man - other than him, of course - was making his knuckles itch. Looks like he still had a little convincing to do. He smiled wryly. _This is gonna be fun._

(Snowbound) ok got it

(TwoPairs) sorry, sugar  
(TwoPairs) I gotta go  
(TwoPairs) I meant what I said about my schedule being unpredictable  
(TwoPairs) goodnight

And with that she was gone before he'd even been able to say anything. It pissed him off a little. He wasn't exactly used to being summarily dismissed, especially by women, and most especially by Marie.

Logan wondered what could have been so all-fired important. He grunted. Probably just someone at her door and she didn't want anyone reading over her shoulder. He growled into the silence. He didn't want anyone reading their conversations either, so maybe it was a good thing.

Logan shrugged and worked the cigar stub in his teeth. He added her to his address book and then tore off the corner of the tattered old newspaper where he'd scratched down her email address and tucked it into his wallet for safekeeping. He noted with some amusement that the address she'd given him wasn't the one the Professor had listed for her.

_Looks like Marie has a few secrets after all. Good for you, kid._

It was obvious she'd given him her personal email address not her official school one. He wondered who else had it. Jubilee and Kitty probably. Hey, just because he hadn't been back in more than a year didn't mean he was completely out of touch. Charles managed to fill him in on the important details on the rare occasions he checked in.

He looked around the cabin. The wind was howling outside and it sure as shit seemed colder in here than it had a few minutes ago. He got up and added some wood to the fire before fixing himself a cup of coffee. It still pricked his pride that she'd gotten the last word. He didn't like not being in control of the situation.

He glared at the laptop a while and finally decided to go ahead and send the kid some email... but only because he didn't want her to have the last word. Certainly not because he'd really wanted to continue talking to Marie so bad it was nearly killing him.

_Yeah, bub. That'll be the day._

_Fuckin' conscience. Shut the hell up._

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I'm not generally a man of many words so if I come off sounding blunt, you know why. I'll work on it. Well, at least I'll try to on here, anyway. Tell me something about yourself, and just so you don't think I'm some kind of psycho asking about you, I'll tell you a little about me too. Fair enough?

I'm just your basic guy. Quieter than most maybe. I like the quiet. It's peaceful. That's one of the reasons I like living way out here in the wilderness. That and there's nobody around to screw it all up when you want to enjoy the stillness and not have it filled with meaningless crap. I suppose a bah humbug is in order, too. I'm starting early this year.

Right now I hear a wolf outside, howling. Just one, not a pack. Kinda like me I guess. A lone wolf. I'm in this cabin here, up north. I built it. I like working with my hands. Making things. Fixing things. It's pretty small and not much to look at but it suits me. Enough about me, for now.

sleep well  
+++++

He went ahead and clicked the send button before he could talk himself out of it. He closed the laptop and threw another log on the fire before he stripped and climbed into the bed in the A-frame's loft. Logan wondered if she would write him back, and if she did what she would say.

The fire popped and he smiled contentedly into the darkness. Closing his eyes, he listened as he heard the wolf howl again over the sound of the wind.

_You and me both, bub. You and me both._

_Howlin' into the wind and hopin' for an answer._

* * *

 


	3. In a Nutshell

Marie was surprised to see an email waiting for her when she got back. The mission hadn't been a difficult one, just unexpected. Quite honestly, she'd forgotten all about Snowbound the minute she'd zipped herself into that black leather. Being on the team wasn't something she took lightly - and rightly so.

She'd put a lot of thought into what she wanted to do with her life. Marie sighed as she stripped out of her uniform. It wasn't that she'd wanted to go to college. She'd always believed there was more to intelligence than exams and diplomas. Logan was a prime example of that. He knew more - and had taught her more - than any teacher she'd ever had, and the things he knew didn't come from universities and lectures. They came from living life.

Another factor in her decision was the nature of her gift. She was safer here; or rather the world was safer if she was here. Here, everyone knew who she was and what she could do - and they respected it. The same way normal people respected dangerous animals. They were admired for their strength, but given a wide berth. Marie sighed again and then smiled slowly. Accepting a teaching position was one way she felt could give back a little of what had been given to her. Regardless of the hardships, she knew she'd made the right choice about the teaching job and about joining the team.

Charles had made it clear he'd support any decision she made, but she could tell he secretly wanted her to join the team. Why wouldn't he? She was, quite frankly, the most powerful mutant at the school. She could kill with a touch, and perhaps more importantly, she didn't just take lives and powers, she took thoughts and memories, too. So far, it hadn't been necessary for her to use her gift offensively, but the possibility was something she knew Magneto and his cronies found singularly disturbing. That alone was a powerful deterrent and Charles had no qualms about using it to his advantage.

In the time Logan was gone, Marie had discovered she was also quite deadly with her gloves on. Logan's touch had not only left her with a heathy dose of him in her head, but it also left her with what she thought of as 'body memory'. She instinctively knew how and when to move in a fight. It was a little disconcerting in the beginning because her body kept wanting to let the claws out - only she had none - but with a little adjustment she'd quickly adapted, blending his style with her own.

That 'body memory' from Logan, combined with Magneto's cool disregard for life, made her very dangerous when she wanted to be. She knew what she was to the team when she didn't use her powers - a proficient fighter and an efficient killer, perhaps second only to Logan in that regard. With her powers she was a last resort. The ultimate weapon. And she hoped to God they'd never need to use her like that.

She still remembered the day she'd let them know about her fighting skills. She'd been experimenting with them on her own, afraid to let them know what she could do until she'd made her choice. If they'd known that in addition to her 'gift' she had retained a large chunk of Logan's fighting ability, the unspoken pressure to join the team would have been enormous. She wanted to make that decision on her own. And she had. Teaching at the school was one thing, but joining the team was something else entirely. It was only after she'd joined the team that she'd revealed her other 'skills'.

They had been more than a little skeptical in the beginning. She'd expected that and had suggested they watch her spar so they would understand the magnitude of her capabilities. The 'Logan' in her made her select Scott as a sparring partner. Scott had seemed a little surprised at that, and more than a little amused. He was not only the field leader of the X-Men, but arguably the best fighter they had. Both she and her 'inner Logan' had relished the look on his face when she'd put him down. Hard.

She let none of that show on her face. She didn't gloat and she didn't brag. As much as her 'inner Logan' had enjoyed kicking Scott's ass, it wasn't about egos or who was the bigger badass. She didn't do it to show him up or make him look weak. There was more to being the leader than physical strength and they all knew it. It was simply something that had to be done so everyone would understand. That day had done a lot for her 'kid' status. Not so much in what she could do, but in how she'd handled herself afterwards. When it was over she'd just nodded once at the slack-jawed faces of Jean and 'Ro and silently offered Scott a hand up.

In all the time that Logan had been gone, there were only a few times she'd really, really wanted him there to talk to, and that day - that day - was one of them. But he hadn't been there. Not that day, nor any of the days after. Marie didn't hold it against him. He, more than anyone, deserved to know about his past. She only hoped the answers he found would give him the peace he so desperately longed for.

Marie finished undressing and headed for the shower. She'd figured out a lot since Logan had left. She realized now that it was silly to think she knew Logan just because she had some of him in her head. Knowing some of a person's thoughts and memories didn't mean you knew the person. Not really. Besides, he had nearly two years of memories she knew nothing about now. That was a long time and people change. Even him.

She certainly had.

Marie stood under the hot cascade of water, letting the heat sink into her tense muscles. She sighed audibly. She and Logan shared a connection and they always would. Nothing anyone could do or say would ever change that. He was an important part of her life. He always would be, whether he was here or not.

Marie shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. She grabbed a towel and dried herself off hurriedly. She was looking forward to reading Snowbound's email. It was kind of nice to come back and find it waiting for her. It almost felt like someone had waited up for her. Marie slipped into her robe and sat down in front of her computer.

Her laughter rang out as she read his email address again. LottaDamnSnow at hotmail? _That's my kinda humor, sugar._ Her lush mouth curled up into a smile as she read his gruff words. _Oh, yeah. This is way better than coming home to an empty room and just hanging out by myself._ Marie finished reading his email. _I think you sound like a big ol' softie._ Marie got up and put on some music while she thought about what she was going to say in her reply. Still smiling, she sat down and began writing.

+++++  
(Email)

Hey sugar,

Your cabin sounds really nice. I like cozy. I've never known anyone who built their own house before. I think that's pretty cool. You wrote that you could hear a wolf howling outside. It must be nice to live in a place where wild animals haven't been scared away by people. I live with wild animals too, only the two legged kind - and I bet they howl just as much as your wolf. I live at a private school - bet you were wondering there for a minute. *grin* I'm a teacher here. I teach art to the younger students.

You asked to know a little about me. Hmm... What to say? I guess you could say I'm sort of the stereotypical untouchable woman. Not in that ice queen kinda way (someone else here already has the honor of that title). It's more like I'm sorta the quiet one who's by herself a lot. I suppose that sounds a little dramatic. It's not that I don't have friends, I do... and the being alone part is more my choice than theirs. It's just the way I am. Or maybe the way I'm built.

Let's see, what else makes me, me? Um, I like my coffee with cream and sugar. I prefer staying up late to getting up early. I've got an eclectic sense of style. I paint a lot in my free time. I suck at basketball but I'm pretty good at pool. I like the taste of good beer and the rich, sweet smell of cigar smoke. I can't carry a tune to save my life but I like to sing. I have a pretty good right hook (courtesy of a good friend), and I make a _mean_ strawberry rhubarb pie. I guess that's pretty much Rogue in a nutshell. I hope I didn't bore you with all that. Maybe you'd like to tell me more about you?

Rogue

PS I've been giving the name thing some thought. You wrote you were kind of like a lone wolf. What if I called you that? Maybe L for short? Just a thought.  
+++++

Marie was still smiling when she turned off the light and slipped into bed. She'd told him some pretty personal things. Things she normally wouldn't have shared with a total stranger, but in some ways it was easier to talk to him because he was one. Besides, who was he going to tell, the wolf? Tired from teaching and from the mission, she fell asleep quickly, hoping there would be an email waiting for her tomorrow.

* * *

Logan woke up paralyzed for a moment before a tortured scream escaped his lips. He scooted back violently, slamming hard against the headboard before he scrambled out of bed, sweating and shaking.

_Fuck! Claws out. Did I get her? No. Good. No Marie. I'm alone. Good. Ok, Good. Good. Fuck! Those fuckers! Breathe. Just gotta breathe. Christ._

His stomach rolled. He stood there a long time, breathing heavily as the sweat cooled on his slick, clammy skin. As far as nightmares went, this one wasn't too bad. He hadn't gotten anything with the claws and he'd been able to control the nausea. Nothing was worse than those nights when the dreams were so horrific he woke up terrified and confused from the macabre images and thinking he was going to see Marie impaled on his claws, her mouth open in a silent plea. He could still feel the weight of her dangling from those damnable adamantium spires, knuckles flush against her breasts, slick with bubbling blood. That was the worst part. Sometimes when he couldn't separate that nightmare from reality, he came to, retching, impotent to do anything but ride out the terror until it was over.

Logan crawled back into bed and pulled the covers up over his naked shivering body. Acrid bile burned in the back of his throat. He rolled to his side and wrapped his arm around the pillow, as if holding it like a person would somehow comfort him. He closed his eyes and forced his breathing into a slow even rhythm. Like a wounded animal, he curled into a ball around the pillow and sought the only thing that could bring him solace.

"Marie." The word was whispered so softly it was barely audible. Like he always did, he tried to shut out the terror with the things Charles had written about Marie. Even though he knew them all by heart, the nightmares usually made him get them all mixed up. He tried hard to get them right, but sometimes all he could manage was a few lines.

_Rogue is well. She speaks of you often and smiles. Rogue has moved into your old room. She says it brought her peace. She speaks of you often and smiles. Rogue is nineteen today. You would be proud of her. She speaks of you often and smiles. She speaks of you often and smiles._

Charles's words replayed over and over in his mind. Sometimes all his mind could latch onto was that last line. That was the one he held closest to his heart. His favorite. Logan slipped back into an uneasy sleep silently mouthing the words that rang in his head.

_She speaks of you often and smiles._

* * *

 


	4. A Lone Wolf Named

Hours later, Logan awoke again. Thankfully, this time there were no nightmares, only the urge to answer nature's call and then go and get a cup of strong black coffee. Logan tossed back the covers and stood up, stretching his powerful body as he did so. He yawned and rubbed his face roughly with his large hands. Ignoring his usual morning erection, he stretched a little more and rolled his neck, waiting for that familiar pop before he climbed down from the loft and padded naked to the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later, dressed, with steaming coffee in hand, he sat down in front of the laptop. He clicked the icon and waited, trying not to get his hopes up... and then, there it was. He broke into a wide smile.

_Damn. Quit grinnin' like a dumbass and read your mail, bub._

He devoured her email, pouring over every word.

_Hmm... Oh. Yep. Heh. Ice queen. Good one. No need to wonder who you're talkin' about, there. And you ain't untouchable, darlin'. Not by a long shot. Beer and pool, huh? Wonder if that's from me? I'd love to shoot a little stick with ya, kid._

A smile of an entirely different sort tugged at the corner of his sensual mouth.

_Strawberry rhubarb pie? Never had it. Sounds good, though. I wonder..._

An image of him kissing her lush, strawberry-flavored mouth flashed in his head. Those full red lips, wet and ripe and open. Inviting him in. Making those little sounds in her throat that let him know he was getting to her, that she liked strawberry kisses too. Little hands on his shoulders and the satisfaction of the roll of her hips as he pressed closer. Her first exultant cry and the berry scent underscoring it all; sun-ripe and sharp-sweet, filling his head.

_Jesus, bub. Get a grip. She's talkin' about bakin' and your dick's gettin' hard._

His eyes scanned back over the email.

_I wonder which 'good friend' taught her to fight? One Eye, probably. For a pretty-boy pansy ass, he ain't half bad. A little heavy on the tactical theory and a little light on actual field experience, but not a total loss._

Logan scowled. He wasn't too sure he liked the idea of Marie fighting in any capacity. She could get hurt.

_Those geeks better not be tryin' to recruit her. Hell, no. Not her. No way._

Of course, he couldn't come right out and ask her without revealing who he was, but he could dig a little.

_Heh. Yeah. Definitely gonna ask about that._

He read over the email twice more. It was more than he'd hoped for. Although he'd felt a powerful connection with her from the beginning, he didn't really know the little things about her. That bothered him. He wanted to know all those little details, and now he had the opportunity.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I understand what you mean about being alone by choice. I'm kinda that way too. I don't know about you being untouchable, though. You sound pretty touchable to me. I guess I'll have to reserve judgment on that till I get to know you a little better. I liked reading that stuff about you. I guess if I want more of that, I gotta share with you too. I don't usually talk about myself much, but it's kinda nice doing it with you.

Ok. About me. I like my coffee black (although I have a pretty big sweet tooth). I like working with my hands. I know I told you that already, but it's more than just building things. I like to tinker with stuff. If it has a motor in it and can get me greasy, I'm pretty much happy. I like both pool and beer. I uh, well I guess I'll tell you this since you ain't telling anyone what we talk about. I can sorta sing pretty good. It ain't something I do much, though. Not a lot of call for it in the kinda places I like to hang out.

I like to read. Mostly stuff by people who've been dead a long fucking time. Shit. Sorry. I swear too much, too. No chance of that changing. I'm a fucking lost cause. Heh. My favorite color is blue and I've never had strawberry rhubarb pie before. I can't think of anything else right now. Probably bored you enough already.

I'm curious about something you said. Well, curious about a lot of things actually, but especially curious about that right hook and your good friend. Why fighting? And what's your friend like? You don't have to answer if you don't wanna. I just want to get to know you better. Just so you know, you can ask me anything you want. I can't promise I'll answer every question, but I'll do my best.

As far as the name thing goes, L would be fine. Lone wolf seems a little dramatic, I guess. I ain't a superhero. I'm just a man. Take care.

L  
+++++

That evening, after reading over his email, Marie pondered over what she should say to him about her 'good friend'. She couldn't tell him that she'd absorbed Logan and through him, his ability to fight. But she'd also promised Snowbound that she wouldn't lie to him. Marie sighed in frustration.

She wasn't sure Logan would consider himself her 'good friend' even though she thought of him her best friend. Their bond made words like friends irrelevant. What they shared was deeper than that. It was intense and real and scary. He'd protected her, watched out for her, cared what happened to her even when her own parents hadn't. And he'd risked his life for her, on more than one occasion - utterly without reservation - and for someone like Logan, that was saying a lot.

It was true she had him in her head, but it wasn't like she had a movie of everything he'd ever done or said or experienced. It was more like hazy impressions, although every now and then she could remember something with crystal clear clarity.

Take for example, sex. The memories told her he liked sex, and had been with a number of women, but rarely the same one for more than a night or two. He didn't remember any of their names. They were always 'honey' or 'babe'. She had some of it, but it wasn't as if she had a catalog of every sexual encounter he'd ever had... although one of those crystal clear memories did involve him and a woman from Calgary who had a very talented mouth and a strange penchant for talking dirty to him in French.

Most of what she had in her head from him was like that. Not detailed memories, but more like a feeling - an impression. It was hard to describe. The best way she could put it was that she could guess how Logan might react in a given situation. Sort of like the 'body memory', only for the mind, instead.

Marie closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. This was going to be a difficult email to write.

+++++  
(Email)

L,

How are ya, sugar? Doing well I hope. I'm glad you liked reading about me. I liked reading about you, too. And no, you didn't bore me at all. I feel sort of silly for admitting it, but I get pretty excited when I see an email from you. I can definitely picture you as the black coffee kind of guy. Don't worry about the singing. Your secret's safe with me. Too bad you're there and I'm here. I'd trade you a piece of pie for a song. It must be the Southern belle in me, wanting to feed you up. (I'm from Mississippi – originally.) I've sort of lost my accent living up north, but it still comes out when I get mad or nervous, well that and the 'sugar' thing- that's definitely a Rogue trademark. No chance of losing that.

You asked about my right hook and about my friend... It's kind of complicated. He (Logan) is a pretty complicated kind of guy. I know I called him a good friend, but to me he's more like my best friend, or he was once upon a time. I'm not too sure how he'd feel about that. I've never told him how I felt, but then again, there are a lot of things I wouldn't tell him.

As far as the other stuff is concerned, I don't think he meant for me to learn to fight from him... that probably goes for playing pool and drinking beer (among other things) as well. It's just something I kinda picked up. Don't judge him too harshly for that. He - and yes, I know this is going to sound cliché - he saved my life. I don't really want to go into the details. And no, that's not the reason I consider him my best friend. He was the first one who cared about me, really cared that I was ok, and I think maybe I was that for him too. Like I said, it's complicated, but all that is water under an ancient bridge.

You also wrote you thought I sounded pretty touchable, even after I told you I wasn't. What makes you think that? (I'm curious.) Thanks for the ok to ask you whatever I wanted. You're probably gonna be sorry you offered. *grin* I can be a real pain. Just so you know, you can ask me whatever you want, too. Like you, I'll do my best to answer.

I'm curious about you as well. Tell me more about yourself. When is your birthday? How old are you? (For the record, I'm 19, going on 100. At least that's what it feels like, sometimes. Oh, and I just had my birthday. Nov 4th) Hmm... what else to ask? So tempting, considering you said I could ask *anything*... I'll try to behave myself. (It's so hard to do, you know, with me being a 'rogue' and all.) Wouldn't want to scare ya. Haha! (kidding) I'll just pick a nice safe question and leave it at that. Do you have someone special? If so, what's she/he like? See, I bet you're regretting that offer already. Sweet dreams.

Rogue  
+++++

Logan sat there staring at the screen in total shock.

_Holy hell. She thinks I'm her... She thinks that... God. That's just so... Jesus._

Logan looked down and realized that his hands were shaking.

_Her best friend._

There was a lump in his throat and his eyes stung. He pushed away from the table abruptly, before he'd even finished reading the rest of her email.

_God, darlin'. I never knew that. I never dreamed- I thought... I mean I figured that you just... that we..._

Logan poured himself a stiff drink with a shaky hand and then promptly forgot it as he stood there, humbled by her words. His chest was tight, but it hurt in a good way. He wasn't sure how long he stood there thinking, but eventually he became aware the fire had gone out. Logan knelt down and rebuilt the fire before going back to the laptop. There was still more he hadn't read yet. He was almost afraid to look.

He eased himself into the chair, somewhat unsteadily, and read the last bit of her email. When he was finished, he sat there, stunned, with his mouth hanging open.

_Talk about an emotional roller coaster. Christ, darlin'._

She'd gone from pouring her heart out about her 'best friend' to flirting with him. He reread the last part again. He knew flirting when he saw it - and that was definitely flirting. He took a deep breath and hit reply.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I'm glad you like getting email from me. Seeing email from you gets me going pretty good too. Did you have a specific song in mind you wanted in exchange for that pie? I've got a pretty big appetite when it comes to sweet things. I might want more than one piece. How much will half a pie cost me? Heh.

As for your friend, it's obvious you care deeply for him. He's a lucky guy. But I'm curious what sort of things you wouldn't tell him. If he's your best friend why would you feel there are things you can't share? That don't seem right. You also mentioned that fighting, pool and beer were 'among other things' you picked up from him. What else did he teach you? No offense, but I just can't see you as the ass-kicking type. Strong, sure. You got that in spades, but you don't strike me as a hardass. You got too much empathy in you for that. And don't worry. I'm not going to judge your friend. You said he saved your life so I guess he can't be all bad. You think highly of him, and that says something about him too.

You also asked why I see you as touchable when you felt you weren't. I guess I don't really have much of an answer for that. At least not one that not going to make me sound like some kind of pervert. You are both intelligent and kind. From what I've read, you have a great sense of humor and you seem to care deeply about people. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who wouldn't want to touch someone like that is out of their damn mind.

You said you wanted to know how old I am. Well it says right here on my license that I'm 37 and my birthday is the first of April. It says some other stuff here too. I don't suppose you'd want to know any of that stuff, now would you?

_[I'll just pick a nice safe question_ _and leave it at that.]_

I see you chickened out and went with a 'safe' question. Come on, what did you really want to ask me? I'll tell you what, darlin'. If you can screw up the courage to ask it, I'll have the balls to answer it. Fair enough? And just to make it fun, I say turnabout is fair play. Whatever you ask me, you gotta answer, too. Same goes for me. Still wanna play?

As for your last question - First of all, I like women, not men. Hell, I love women. Always have. And no, I don't have a wife or a girlfriend. The only woman in my life is you. Course you can't blame me for that. I'm snowed in. Heh. Gotcha.

L  
+++++

Logan sat back, thinking about what he had just written. He hadn't lied exactly. Not about her being the only woman in his life, or about his age. His license really did say those things. Of course, it was a fake license and he was pretty pissed when the guy he'd bought it from gave him that lame-ass birthday. It was his own fault though. The guy had asked when his birthday was and he'd grunted that he didn't know - or care. Picking April Fool's Day was that little prick's idea of a joke. He should have made him make a new one for what he had to pay for the damn thing.

_Real fuckin' funny, bub._

He closed his eyes and scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling a little guilty about some of what he'd said to her. He hadn't started talking to Marie to trick her into getting her to talk about her feelings for him. All he'd wanted was someone to talk to. Well, ok. He'd wanted to talk to her, specifically, but just to get to know her better, to make sure she was ok, not to deceive her. He honestly thought when she mentioned her 'good friend' that she was talking about Scott. Logan growled in frustration.

_Shit. Gotta fix this._

He knew what he needed to do.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Me again. Forget what I said about your friend. I shouldn't have asked what I did. I can see he means a lot to you and I'm sure you mean a lot to him too. I was out of line and I'm sorry. I don't want to invade your privacy (or his) or say anything to fuck things up. Ok? Still friends?

L  
+++++

* * *

 


	5. Questions and Answers

+++++  
(Email)

Morning sugar,

I got both your emails. And before I say anything else... yes, of course we're still friends. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I told you it was ok for you to ask me anything and then got mad when you did. You asked some pretty hard questions. It gave me a lot to think about, but I don't mind you asking, and I'll do my best to answer. I've never been one to shy away from the deep stuff. Ok, hard questions first.

You wanted to know what kinds of things I wouldn't tell someone I consider to be my best friend. That part's not so hard to answer. I wouldn't tell him something that I knew would hurt him or anything that might make him uncomfortable unless I had a damn good reason. You also wanted to know if he was really my best friend, why would I feel like there were some things I couldn't share with him. That part's not so easy to answer. It's not that I feel I can't talk to him. I know if I needed him, really needed him, he'd be there for me. At least I like to think he would. He's been gone almost two years now so who really knows? He's got a lot on his plate right now. The last thing he needs is me adding to his stress. So it's more like I stay silent about certain things not because I have to, but because it's better for him. I don't want him to worry about me. And nobody wants to be an obligation, friend or not.

Like I said, it's complicated... and it gets worse. When he saved my life we both got hurt and both of us were seen by the same doctor (the ice queen). I was in and out of consciousness for a while and I kinda said some stuff while I was out of it. Apparently she wasn't too concerned with the whole Dr. /Patient confidentiality thing because she went and told him (her words, not mine) that I was 'a little taken with him.' That's kind of like saying the universe is a little big.

It wasn't her place to tell him. She took that from me and that's something that can't ever be undone. (It's also something I'm still pretty pissed about.) Oh, she overheard what I said, but she didn't understand what I meant. She still doesn't, and quite frankly I'm not inclined to tell her. At the time I believed myself to be quite in love with him... but all things look different with time and distance. He'll always be important to me. I can't speak for him, but what I feel makes words like friendship and love pale in comparison. It's not that I'm in love with him. I'm not. I don't know him well enough for that. I could be though, someday, if he wanted that... but he doesn't. He said his heart belongs to someone else.

It's ok though. I want him to be happy. As for me, I want someone who wants me for me. I don't want to be second choice, second best. I let that dream go a long time ago. My future is an empty slate now and I'm free to write whatever I want to on it. As for the ice queen... well, I still pretty much think she's a bitch. If that makes me a bad person, I'll deal. I mean, hey, I only have to live with being a bad person... She has to live with being a bitch. Haha. *grin*

I know I said that I'd get to your other questions too, but I think I'll save them for a less depressing email. Sorry If I rambled on about it all. It's just that I've never really talked about it with anyone before... and you *did* ask. So, it's partly your fault. Betcha think twice before asking me another question like that, huh?

Rogue  
+++++

Logan stared at the email a long time. **Subject: hard questions and hard answers.** He wasn't at all sure he wanted to read the contents of this particular message. He had a feeling if she answered his questions instead of telling him to go fuck himself, that reading this was going to hurt. Bad. Logan went and poured himself a drink, tossing it back quickly and refilling the glass. He drank that too and quirked an eyebrow at the empty glass.

_Screw it_.

He abandoned the glass and took the bottle back to the table with him. He had the feeling he was going to need it. He read the first few lines and released a breath he hadn't even been aware he was holding.

_At least we're still friends_.

He continued to read.

_Ok, so she doesn't wanna tell me stuff that she thinks would hurt me. Nothin' wrong with that, I guess._

He tried to ignore that part of him that was screaming he wanted her to share all of herself with him, not just the happy parts.

_Hmm... A lot on my plate._

So he had a lot going on. None of it was more important than her. He wondered what kinds of things she kept to herself so he wouldn't worry. He read on.

_More complicated? Shit. What could be more... Oh, God._

And then he knew. He knew without reading another word what was going to come next.

_Please, no. Don't let her have heard me say it. Not that._

But there it was.

_He said his heart belongs to someone else._

"Fuck," he snarled, standing up so fast the chair fell over backwards. "Goddammit!" The claws sang out and he welcomed the familiar pain.

_Why did she hafta hear that?_

He knew how she felt about him. Hearing him say that, to Jean of all people, someone that had just broken Marie's trust, must have devastated her.

_Why, darlin'. Why did ya hafta hear that?_

"Why?" He whispered the word brokenly.

Oh, he knew why he'd said it. He'd woken up with a woman's hands rubbing all over him. It'd felt good and he'd wanted those hands to go lower. To touch his body and make him feel alive again, make him feel like more than an empty, burned-out husk. He'd never wanted to take back that part of himself he'd given to Marie that night. Her heart beat and she drew breath because she'd taken those things from him, from his body. He liked the idea that she'd taken some of him inside herself - that her heart beat because of him - but it had come at a terrible price.

He'd felt so numb and empty inside and when he awoke, he'd wanted something to make that feeling go away. Anything. He was desperate. He knew he shouldn't have said it, but he was weak. He'd wanted whatever small measure of comfort a woman's intimate touch could bring and so, still groggy from whatever drugs Jean had given him, he'd said the first thing he could think of to get her into bed.

The truth wasn't pretty. It was painful and ugly and it disgusted him.

Yes, he'd wanted Jean then. He wasn't in love with her. He didn't want a relationship. He just wanted to fuck her. He saw the way she looked at him and her scent had told him she'd wanted him from the beginning. Even that first time waking up in her lab he'd smelled her touch all over his skin - and he did mean ALL over.

Even after he'd given Marie his tags and left the school far, far behind he'd still thought of Jean. Not when he needed comfort. Not to get him through the night. Only Marie could do that. No, thoughts of Jean came only when he wanted to get himself off. When all that mattered was a few quick seconds of solitary pleasure, a release to appease the carnal demands of his body.

Over time her image, and his interest in it, had faded. Her body may have excited him, once. That wasn't really saying much. He'd been attracted to, and aroused by, a lot of women over the years. Marie was different. Marie was the only one who had ever really cared about him as a person. Not because he'd fought well or because he fucked good, but because she'd seen something human in him right from the beginning and that was pretty special. Something worth hanging onto. She was the only one who'd seen the man inside the beast. The untouchable girl had touched him, inside, where it really mattered. The truth was, she was the only one who had ever grown more attractive to him over time. Usually his interest in a woman was incredibly intense in the beginning but it was short lived and tended to fade quickly - at least it had been until her, until Marie.

If he was honest with himself, he hadn't thought of Jean in months. It was Marie's face he saw in his fantasies now. It was her touch he imagined when he closed his eyes. It was thoughts of her sweet, ripe body all pink and lush and receptive that he lost himself in when he strained for release. It was her name that spilled from his lips when he slipped over the edge, groaning and shaking. It was her softness that called to him as the sweat and semen dried on his skin and sleep took him.

But more importantly, thoughts of her lingered long after the pleasure faded. Sometimes when he saw something, he wondered what she'd think about it, or what she'd say or do in a particular situation. Sometimes he talked to her quietly in the darkness. Sometimes just for company, sometimes to help him through those horrible terror-filled nights, and sometimes just because he wanted to share what he was feeling or thinking with someone safe, someone who would understand, someone who wouldn't look down on the Wolverine for needing something soft.

Logan eventually made it back to the table and sat down heavily, feeling as if he'd been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. He wasn't too sure what to say back to her. He went to send her a response and noticed there was now another unread message from her.

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Hey, sugar. I'm back... in a much better mood now. (I got some coffee and raided my emergency chocolate stash. God bless Godiva.) Haha. Well, that last email was definitely hard answers to hard questions but I think this one is gonna be more along the lines of easy answers to fun questions. You up for that, sugar? 'Cause if you're not you better just stop reading right now. Fair warning.

Still with me I see. Hmm... first question. What else did I pick up from him besides fighting, pool and a taste for beer? This one's kinda tough to answer without giving away his secrets (and I'd die before I did that) So, the easy/fun answer to that... would be 'flirting' I guess. He's kinda popular with the ladies. It's not like he taught me to flirt or anything like that. But I got a pretty good idea of what guys find attractive from him. You know, walk a certain way, talk a certain way, move a certain way and men take notice. I tried it a couple of times. (Yeah, so sue me. I said I felt untouchable, not dead.) Let's just say I didn't have any problems. Haha.

Ok, that was the easy answer... the serious answer to that question would be that he taught me there are people out there willing to touch the untouchable woman. (I guess you're kinda like him in that regard. Damn stubborn, the both of you.) It wasn't the kind of touching you're probably thinking of, either. I am very firmly in the 'friend' category so no worries there. (That ship has sailed and I'm pretty ok with where I am now.) So- the touch. He hugged me once and touched my cheek. It probably wasn't that big a deal for him, but it was for me. So, um, bottom line... I'm probably not as untouchable as I thought.

Onto question two. What would I want in exchange for half my pie? Hmm... Might be too rich for your blood, sugar. How about a little dancing to go along with that singing? I didn't mean *with* me, either. I meant *for* me. In case you were wondering, most women like a little floorshow with dinner. Haha. Gotcha.

_[Well it says right here on my license that I'm 37 and my birthday is_   
_the first of April. It says some other stuff here too. I don't_   
_suppose you'd want to know any of that stuff, now would you?]_

Mmm… sounds interesting. I like a man with some miles on him. You are such a tease! You know I'm curious about you. I have a license too, sugar... and a digital camera, but I bet you're probably not the least bit tempted to know more about either of those things… ;)

_[Whatever you ask me, you gotta answer, too. Same goes for me._   
_Still wanna play?]_

Better be careful what you wish for, sugar. I play dirty. I don't ask those trite cheesy questions. None of this "How big? How many? What position?" type questions. I'd ask a question that would make you reveal something you thought or felt about yourself. So the question really isn't if I still wanna play with you. The question is - do YOU still wanna play with me?

Rogue  
+++++

_Oh hell, yes. I sure as shit do, darlin'. Damn._

Logan shifted in the chair, adjusting himself casually. He couldn't wait to see what she wanted to ask him. However, there was more to it than that. He wasn't sure what to make of the 'flirting' part, but if she had some of him in her head it was possible she would know what he found attractive. He tried not to think about that part too much. He wasn't entirely sure he liked that she knew that kind of stuff about him. Ok, honestly, there was a lot of shit in his head he didn't want anyone to know. Ever.

He went back and reread both emails. While it enraged him Jean had broken Dr./Patient confidentiality, he wasn't surprised. He'd already figured out that in Jean's world, Jean was number one. She'd liked his interest in her. It made her feel desirable and if she had to hurt a few people along the way... Well apparently, that wasn't a problem for her. Logan snorted. Jean's little act was so obvious now that he thought about it. 'Oh, poor naive Rogue, she's taken with you. See how I, the woman you really want, deal so well with her silly little crush.'

_How the hell did I ever let myself be attracted to her? Marie's right. Things do look different with time and distance._

He was humbled by the depth of her feelings for him. It also scared him that she had the power to make him feel so many things with a few simple words.

_Firmly in the friend camp? What a fucking joke._

He'd had an orgasm in the shower this morning thinking about that lush strawberry mouth of hers. That ship definitely hadn't sailed for him, though she seemed to have accepted it had for her and she'd moved on. That hurt. The things she said about him choked him up. She said them so easily.

_He hugged me once and touched my cheek._

She said it like it was everything and nothing all at the same time. He knew nobody else had touched her, not since her mutation manifested. He was the only one. Yet, she passed it off like it was no big deal. Dismissing it, like she got hugs every day. It made him mad that she thought it hadn't meant a lot to him, but he could see how she might think that.

_Shit. You fucked up real good, bub._

Marie was everything he wasn't. She was good and sweet and pure. If he was honest with himself, he didn't deserve any of those things. He wasn't worthy of her, but fate had put her in his path and that had to mean something too. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he wanted another chance with her. He wanted it so desperately, so completely he'd give anything to make her understand how he really felt.

Something inside of him broke.

It would be different now. He was different now. He wanted her to fall in love with him, not with the ghost of his memories in her head. He made up his mind. He would be completely open with her and let her see the real him. He would talk to her and say all the things he wanted to say back then but was afraid to. No more digging about her feelings for her 'best friend'.

He didn't want her to know who he was because he wanted to know if she could love him just for him, not because he was her hero or because he'd cared when nobody else had. He wanted her to want him just for himself... and this once - this once - he'd let himself be vulnerable. If he got hurt... well, that was just a risk he'd have to take.

* * *

 


	6. In the Mood

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Hey darlin'. It's good to hear you aren't mad at me. I'd miss you if you stopped wanting to talk. I'm real sorry about what your doctor did. It was outta line. You're right. She is a bitch and you shouldn't feel bad for thinking that either.

I don't mind you 'rambling' to me about things in your life. Besides, I don't consider friends sharing problems with each other 'rambling'. I like learning things about you. The good stuff and the hard/sad stuff too. You can always talk to me, darlin'. Always. About anything. I mean that. So you take that down into you real deep. I'm here for the long haul.

As for your Logan, if he can't see what he's missing that's just too fucking bad for him. You wrote that he was something of a ladies' man. I call bullshit. How do you know he even knows what he's doing with a woman? (Sorry, 'bout that but, damn. I don't like to see you hurting.) And you're right. You deserve someone who wants you for YOU.

For a lotta years I wasn't real sure about that, but you know what? I want that for me too. I want someone who wants just me. The real me. I never told anyone that before. Usually I feel kinda stupid sharing that kinda stuff with people, but you're different. I can talk to you.

I also wanted to talk to you more about that other stuff you mentioned. You know, the easy answers to fun questions part. But I'm still a little pissed about you getting hurt. I need to go cool off for a while, go chop some wood or some shit like that. Sorry.

L  
+++++

Logan did exactly that. He felt a hot rush of satisfaction each time the axe bit deeply into the soft wood. A little physical exertion was exactly what he needed. A steady thunking sound filled the crisp cold air as he raised the axe again and again. Blisters tore and healed, but Logan ignored the pain, happy to have found an outlet for the strong emotions seething inside him. Three hours later, feeling much more in control and pleasantly relaxed after a hot shower and a cigar, he returned to the laptop.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Hey there, darlin'. I did a little work, had a long hot shower and then a smoke. I'm definitely feeling better and in the mood to play a little now.

_[You up for that, sugar?]_

Hell, yes, I'm up for that. Interesting choice of words by the way. Heh. So, about the price of that pie. Dancing? Now, just how would you like that floorshow, darlin'? Fast and furious or slow and sensual? I can do both. Your call.

_[I have a license too, sugar. . .and a digital camera, but I bet you're probably not the least bit tempted to know_ _more about either of those things.]_

Well, well. Now who's the tease? You know I'm curious about you. That includes your physical appearance. When/if you do decide to tell me what you look like, don't forget to include all the senses, baby. Sight, sound, scent, taste, and feel. I like a well-rounded description. As for that camera - Well that's up to you. I don't have one, so I can't send you anything, but I sure as hell wouldn't complain if one or two pictures showed up here. Heh.

_[Better be careful what you wish for, sugar. I play dirty.]_

I wouldn't have it any other way.

_[I'd ask a question that would make you reveal something you thought or felt about_ _yourself. So the question really isn't if I still wanna play with you. The question is,_ _do YOU still wanna play with me?]_

Well, considering you'd still have to answer your own question, hell, yes I'm game. Fire away, darlin'. I'm more than ready to play with you.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Evening L,

Well, what do you know? I've just finished work and had long hot shower too. So, I guess we're both in the mood to play.

First of all, you asked how I knew Logan knew what to do with a woman. I guess I don't know. But then again, sugar, how do I know YOU know what to do with a woman? *grin*

Hmm... Onto question two. My appearance. Well, I had something in mind to say, but I'll do it your way instead. Sight... long dark hair, dark brown eyes, slim, fair skin, average height, curves in all the appropriate places. Sound... tough one. A sound that is me. Oh, I have it. The rasp of silk on skin. (I have a thing for silk scarves. Eclectic sense of style, remember?) Scent... I just got out of the shower, so vanilla shampoo and sandalwood soap. Taste... hmm... now that would vary, wouldn't it? *grin* I'm drinking a glass of wine as I write this, so I'd say predominately merlot. At least from the neck up. Haha. Feel... another tough one. The robe I'm wearing is silky and cool. My skin is soft and warm from the shower (and the wine). Just for the record, if/when you decide to describe yourself, I'd like the well-rounded description too. All five senses, sugar.

_[hell yes, I'm game. Fire away, darlin'. I'm more than ready to play with you.]_

Alright, sunshine. You asked for it. How about you tell me what you were thinking about the last time you were hot and bothered. No cheating now. You can't pick and choose. It has to be the most recent time. Ok, since I can't expect you to answer unless I do too...

The last time for me... I was thinking about nightmares. (Trust me, I'm going somewhere with this.) In my fantasy, the school gets a new teacher. He's assigned the room next door to mine. We flirt off and on for a while. Late one night I notice strange noises coming from his room. I knock but get no answer. When I go inside I see he's having a bad dream. He's on his back with the sheets bunched at his waist. I close the door behind me and slip off my robe. Naked, I slide under the covers and gently run my hands over his body, waking him from his dreams with my touch as I whisper his name. When he wakes up, his heart is pounding. He's sweating and his eyes are wild. He rolls me under him and buries his face in my neck. I can taste the salt on his skin. I can tell what he wants. He wants it hard and fast to burn away the nightmares. It's ok, because I want him like that too.

So, um... that's pretty much it, you know, except for the hot and heavy sex that wakes up everyone who has a bedroom in our hall. *grin*

Ok. Your turn, sugar.

Rogue

PS Don't think for one moment that I forgot about the floorshow. Hmm... Fast and furious or slow and sensual. Do you have a preference?  
+++++

A slow, wicked grin spread across Logan's face and he chuckled quietly.

_Do I know what to do with a woman? Hell, there's only two things I do well, darlin', and fightin's the other one._ _Heh_.

Not only had she challenged him, she'd also given him the perfect opportunity to send her an intimately playful reply. He was definitely going to enjoy this.

_Just you wait, darlin'. I'm gonna show you I DO know what to do with a woman, and most especially, I know what I wanna do with you._

She was right about playing dirty. He wasn't expecting her to ask that question, and never in his wildest dreams did he expect the answer she gave. Her answer both pleased and irritated him. He felt a deep sense of satisfaction in the fact that she fantasized about him - about waking him that night at the school - and that the fantasy was adult in nature, not the unrealistic, overly-romanticized imaginings of girl with a crush. It could have happened that way, and truth be told, he'd spent more than a few nights imagining it happening like that - exactly like that. But while her fantasy excited him, from her perspective it was still a fantasy about a man from her past, not the man she was conversing with. He wanted to change that.

Logan rubbed his hands together in anticipation. He'd never been one to back away from a challenge. The harder the challenge, the better he felt when he won - and he always played to win.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Damn, darlin'. I might be surrounded by snow, but I sure as hell ain't cold after reading your last email.

I wasn't expecting the question you asked, or such an openly erotic response. I liked your answer. I hope all that wild sex wakes up the ice queen (assuming she lives in your hall) so she can see what a REAL woman is like in bed with a man. Heh.

I guess owe you an answer now, don't I? I hope you're ready to hear it. The last time for me, I was thinking about strawberry rhubarb pie. Still wanna hear this? Ok, then. I got to thinking about you baking and wondered if you ever ate any of the berries while you were cooking. I wondered if I caught you in the kitchen, slid my arms around you, lowered my mouth to yours and kissed you slow and deep if you'd taste like strawberries. In my mind, I could feel your hips rolling against mine and hear the little sounds in your throat when I kissed you good and hard. Needless to say, thinking about that got me... well let's just say 'hot and bothered' pretty much covers it.

Well, darlin', you also said you wanted to know if I knew what to do with a woman. Now that sounds an awful lot like a challenge. Good thing for me I like a challenge.

I'd start by building up the fire so the glow from the flames would throw light into the loft and onto my bed. Standing naked behind her I'd strip her slowly, watching the warm light flicker over her. Nuzzling her jaw, I'd run my fingertips down her spine, biting her neck gently and then a little harder until I felt her start to shudder. I'd pull her down on the bed and roll her under me, give her my weight and take her mouth in a deep wet kiss. Or better yet I'd roll to my back with her above me, pressing the soles of my feet down into the bed while I stroked her back in time to our movements.

So, now do you believe I know what to do with a woman?

L

PS No preference. Fast and furious or slow and sensual. Depends on the moment and the mood.  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Well aren't you sweet, sugar. Giving out back massages? Is that what you do in bed with a woman?

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Careful, darlin'. Don't bite off more than you can chew.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Sugar... Back to biting again, are we? Do you have some sort of oral fixation I should know about?

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Would you like it if I did?

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Would you want to bite me if you had the chance? God, I'm imagining it now. Your mouth on me. ((shiver))

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Fuck, yes.

Are you here? Do you want to chat?

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

I can't now, sugar. I have to go teach class in 10 minutes. Can we meet tonight? Pick a time. I'll be there.

Rogue

PS I'm still waiting to hear what you look like. Tell me?  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Ok, darlin'. 10 PM your time tonight. I'll tell you what I look like then. Not now. You better hurry. You don't want to be late. Better check your neck before you go. I might have left a mark. Heh.

L  
+++++

* * *

 


	7. Talking in Circles

Logan had about twelve hours before he'd promised to meet Marie online and have THAT discussion - the one where he told her what he looked like. This was going to be tricky. He had to find some way of telling the truth without revealing too much... and that meant he had a few things to do before their little chat tonight.

He stared into the mirror hanging over the tiny bathroom sink and frowned.

_Oh yeah. This is gonna hurt._

He glanced at the razor resting so innocently on the white porcelain ledge.

_Yeah, you little bastard, you're not foolin' shit._

He shaved – every few days, around his mouth and over his chin. Women liked it and he liked women... so, minimal shaving - not an issue... except he'd promised Marie he'd tell her what he looked like tonight.

_Damn._

He eyed the razor like it was going to attack him. He might have even growled at it, he wasn't really sure. He just kept thinking that he'd promised Marie he wouldn't lie to her and he knew - he just knew - she'd ask about it. He couldn't very well tell her he had muttonchops. If he did that, he might as well start signing his emails WOLVERINE in big, blinking, neon letters. His girl wasn't stupid.

He wasn't going to lie to her either. He already felt bad enough about not telling her who she was talking with. He wasn't going to add lying about his appearance to his list of 'shitty things I've done to Marie'.

_Fuck that_.

That list was long enough already.

He looked back at the scowling face in the mirror as he picked up the razor.

_Goodbye badass. Hello pansy ass._

He grunted in disgust as he lathered up. At least nobody would see him looking like a pretty-boy. With each pass of the razor, he tried to console himself with the fact that in a few days he'd be back to his normal hairy self. It wasn't working. He rinsed the razor in the sink one final time and reached for a towel to wipe away the last of the shaving cream.

_Go on, do it. Look in the mirror, ya damn pansy._

His eyes flicked upwards.

_Oh, God._

Logan groaned. It was worse than he thought. He looked... well not young exactly, but definitely different. His exterior no longer reflected how he felt on the inside. He felt jaded, hard, unapproachable and he liked looking that way on the outside. Projecting that kept people away, everyone but Marie, that is. She didn't seem to find him unapproachable. Almost frustratingly so. It forced him take a long hard look at himself and reevaluate some things he'd come to accept as fact. Feeling that change and accepting it was one thing. Putting it on display for the world to see was another animal entirely.

He looked back to the mirror and ran a hand over his smooth jaw.

_Shit. All I need now is a visor and- WHOA. Back the truck up, bub. You are not - and will never be - that big a pansy. It's just a little hair. It'll grow back._

He growled at his reflection and released his claws.

_There. That's better. Not the same but at least I don't look like... Aw, fuck it. I do. Fuckin' pansy._

He gave the image in the mirror a one claw salute and stalked from the bathroom.

An hour before he was to meet Marie, Logan decided to send her his 'five senses' description in email instead of telling her in chat. There was less chance of her asking questions that way and truth be told, he felt a little awkward describing himself. The last thing he wanted was to look like an idiot in front of Marie.

_Shit._

_Might as well get this over with._

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Evening, darlin'. I know I told you I'd do this in our chat tonight, but I thought maybe you'd like it before we talked. So, you know, no surprises. I guess I'll just get down to it then.

Sight... brown hair. Brown/green eyes. Big frame. Lean. Solid build. About 6 ft tall. Sound... I'm quiet. I don't talk much. Usually, I don't make much noise at all, so I guess my sound would be silence. Scent... I don't wear aftershave or cologne or anything so uh, just soap (cedarwood) and maybe some smoke from earlier, well, that and snow. Everything here smells like it. Taste... Well, darlin', like I said before, that would depend on the moment and the mood... I'm having a beer so that's what I'd taste like. Well, my mouth anyway. You'll have to use your imagination for the rest. Heh. Feel... Despite the freezing weather, I'm usually pretty warm. Living up here, it's a hard kinda life. There's a beauty here in the land, a wildness, but it's harsh and unforgiving. It weathers you. I guess that's how I'd feel. Weathered and rough.

So, there you go, darlin'. The whole enchilada. Talk to you soon.

L  
+++++

_Damn. That was tougher than I thought_.

Logan got up and got himself another beer. It wasn't as if he'd lied, really. 'About 6 feet' wasn't technically a lie. So he was a few inches over that - he'd said 'about' not 'exactly'. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath before letting it out with a heavy sigh. So, he'd said his sound was 'silence'. It wasn't as if he could tell her his signature sound was growling... and he WAS quiet, so again, not technically a lie.

_Shit_.

He took a long pull from the beer. He wasn't too pleased with his last answer either, but he couldn't tell her the only word to describe how he 'felt' wasn't weathered and rough it was 'hard'.

_No way to say that without soundin' like a goddamn pervert._

Nevertheless, it was the first thought that had sprung to mind. He was hard in every sense of the word, physically, mentally, emotionally. His muscles were hard under his flesh, and the adamantium beneath that was harder still. The trauma and horror of the experiments had hardened him mentally and emotionally. Not by choice, it was just the only way he'd been able to cope. Until Marie, there had been no softness in his life at all. He was simply a hard man who'd lived a hard life.

He supposed that 'hard' was also an appropriate word in a more intimate sense, as well. She'd always had that effect on him, right from the beginning. It wasn't just her looks or her scent; it was just her, just Marie that did that. Something elemental and primal about her called to him. It was visceral and raw. She made his blood burn - made it pool hot and heavy between his legs. She made him hard and wanting, almost painfully so, at times.

He took another pull from the bottle and smiled wickedly.

_Heh. I wonder what she would have said if I had written that I felt 'hard'?_

The smile faded. Somehow, he knew that whatever answer she gave would have been far too insightful and much too erotic for comfort.

This new Marie, the adult Marie - the one with mature ideas and opinions and needs - that Marie was taking a little getting used to. She wasn't a kid. She wasn't looking for a father. Her interest in him was that of a woman for a man. He knew she liked that he challenged her, surprised her, made her think, made her aware of herself and the feelings she could arouse in him, and Logan liked this new Marie.

Yes, she was definitely taking some getting used to, but she had all the parts of the old Marie he'd been drawn to, compassion, strength, acceptance, understanding, tenderness... and she had new things too. Things he'd glimpsed previously, but not allowed himself to dwell on, to explore. Before it had been a spark between them. Now that simple spark had erupted into flames and Logan had every intention of stoking that fire until they were both burned to ashes.

+++++  
(Chat)

(Snowbound) hey, darlin'  
(Snowbound) glad to see you made it

(TwoPairs) hi, sugar

Long pause

(Snowbound) you're quiet tonight  
(Snowbound) everything ok?

Pause

(TwoPairs) yeah. I'm just a little nervous  
(TwoPairs) but in a good way, you know?  
(TwoPairs) excited  
(TwoPairs) flutterpated

(Snowbound) oh. heh  
(Snowbound) don't be  
(Snowbound) it's just me

(TwoPairs) hence the flutterpation

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) I make you flutterpated?

(TwoPairs) yes and no ;)  
(TwoPairs) my oral filter is spotty at the best of times  
(TwoPairs) I'm a little nervous about what might pop out  
(TwoPairs) I like letters  
(TwoPairs) more time to sort through my thoughts  
(TwoPairs) I think my brain works a little differently than most people's ;)

Understamement of the century.

(Snowbound) hey, don't be  
(Snowbound) I wanna hear whatever you have to say  
(Snowbound) you take however much time you need  
(Snowbound) I want you to be comfortable

(TwoPairs) thanks

(Snowbound) you weren't nervous the first time  
(Snowbound) in fact, you talked circles around me pretty good that first time

(TwoPairs) that was before

(Snowbound) before what?

(TwoPairs) before I knew you  
(TwoPairs) before I cared about you  
(TwoPairs) before I cared what you thought about me  
(TwoPairs) before I thought about your mouth on me

_Jesus, darlin'. That's an image I didn't need right now. I'm tryin' to keep myself in check, here._ Logan shifted uncomfortably in the chair.

(Snowbound) oh  
(Snowbound) I getcha

(TwoPairs) sorry.  
(TwoPairs) Like I said, I have a bad habit of just saying what I'm thinking

(Snowbound) don't be sorry  
(Snowbound) and don't feel like you gotta watch what you say either  
(Snowbound) I don't want it to be that way

(TwoPairs) how do you want it to be?

(Snowbound) I want us to be able to talk about anything, everything  
(Snowbound) not just the fun happy stuff  
(Snowbound) I want to know all of you  
(Snowbound) I want to share all of me

(TwoPairs) I'd like that. I'd like that a lot  
(TwoPairs) hmmm... ok  
(TwoPairs) in that case, thanks for sending that last email...  
(TwoPairs) I think you sound good  
(TwoPairs) really good

(Snowbound) heh. thanks  
(Snowbound) I think you sound pretty good yourself, darlin'

(TwoPairs) glad you approve ;)  
(TwoPairs) tell me more about you?

(Snowbound) what do you wanna know?  
(Snowbound) and hell yes I approve

(TwoPairs) just more!  
(TwoPairs) anything, everything... glasses? tattoo(s)? beard?

_Yup, knew that was comin'. Heh._

(Snowbound) no glasses. no tats. no beard  
(Snowbound) just some five o'clock shadow  
(Snowbound) I'm thinking of growing it longer though

_Thinkin' of doin' that real soon. Like now._

(Snowbound) what do you think?

(TwoPairs) I think five o'clock shadow is sexy  
(TwoPairs) I like that 'I haven't shaved in a couple days' look  
(TwoPairs) I like scruffy  
(TwoPairs) it makes me want to reach out and touch it and see if it feels like it looks

(Snowbound) good to know. heh  
(Snowbound) I can do scruffy  
(Snowbound) and feel free to touch me anytime you want to, darlin'

(TwoPairs) yeah?  
(TwoPairs) touch you how?

She knew she shouldn't encourage him, but this was too much fun to resist... and more importantly it was a way to explore her sexuality with him in a way that was completely safe. He couldn't touch her so there was no way he could accidentally get hurt... and they had talked about so many things she knew he wouldn't think badly of her for sharing this part of herself with him. Holding it back felt wrong somehow. They talked about everything else. Why not this, too?

(Snowbound) any way you want to

(TwoPairs) such as?

Logan growled quietly.

_Screw tryin' to keep it in check. She's askin' so I'm gonna tell her. Maybe not all of it, but enough._

(Snowbound) I think about your mouth, red and wet  
(Snowbound) strawberry sweet and hot as fuck  
(Snowbound) your open mouth on my neck. Tasting me.

(TwoPairs) yes?

(Snowbound) I wantcha all over me so I can smell you and feel you  
(Snowbound) I wanna feel you breathe, feel the weight of your body  
(Snowbound) learn the heft of your breasts. the rhythm of your pleasure  
(Snowbound) I want the silky tickle of your hair on my skin

(TwoPairs) more  
(TwoPairs) please

(Snowbound) I think about a lot of things  
(Snowbound) my hands all over you  
(Snowbound) my mouth on you  
(Snowbound) hearing your breathing change...  
(Snowbound) all for me  
(Snowbound) because of how I make you feel  
(Snowbound) because of what I can make your body do

(TwoPairs) oh, god

(Snowbound) you like that?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) so much

(Snowbound) is there anything you think about?

Pause

(Snowbound) come on  
(Snowbound) tell me

_This is a fun game, darlin', but only if you play too._

(TwoPairs) I'm a little embarrassed to say it  
(TwoPairs) a little afraid of saying too much

(Snowbound) don't be  
(Snowbound) I need it  
(Snowbound) I need to hear it  
(Snowbound) I put a lot out there, too  
(Snowbound) I don't wanna be alone in that

Pause

(Snowbound) please  
(Snowbound) for me?  
(Snowbound) I wanna know what you think about too

(TwoPairs) well you did tell me, so I suppose it's only fair...  
(TwoPairs) I think about your strong arms around me  
(TwoPairs) plastering myself to you  
(TwoPairs) a full body press so I can feel every bit of you  
(TwoPairs) every inch  
(TwoPairs) holding you. my cheek on your chest  
(TwoPairs) your heartbeat under my ear

(Snowbound) that's real sweet, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I like that a whole lot  
(Snowbound) more?

Pause

(TwoPairs) I think about touching your hair  
(TwoPairs) your throat  
(TwoPairs) your chest

(Snowbound) and?

(TwoPairs) fingertips trailing down…

(Snowbound) jesus  
(Snowbound) more  
(Snowbound) tell me more

(TwoPairs) lower?

(Snowbound) hell yes

(TwoPairs) sliding my hands down, down…  
(TwoPairs) fingertips or nails?

(Snowbound) christ  
(Snowbound) nails

(TwoPairs) Mmm….  
(TwoPairs) dragging my nails over your hips  
(TwoPairs) leaving shivery trails your thighs  
(TwoPairs) fingertips now, softly. softly  
(TwoPairs) over your body where you burn for me  
(TwoPairs) so ready  
(TwoPairs) standing up for me thick and proud

Marie couldn't believe she'd just said that to him. She'd never said anything like that before. Not online or in real life, but with him it was somehow ok. Safe.

(Snowbound) oh god  
(Snowbound) fuck

(TwoPairs) that's ok?  
(TwoPairs) it's ok to think that? say that?  
(TwoPairs) you like it?

(Snowbound) hell, yes  
(Snowbound) damn, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I like it too fucking much

Pause

Logan felt a moment of panic override his intense arousal.

_What if this ain't real for her? What if this was just her way of explorin' without it bein' about her mutation? Shit. What if she's just playin'?_

He didn't think she was, but he had to be sure.

(Snowbound) baby  
(Snowbound) I need something

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) anything

(Snowbound) tell me how you feel  
(Snowbound) I hafta know  
(Snowbound) tell me you're not just playing  
(Snowbound) tell me that it's real for you too

(TwoPairs) I'm not playing  
(TwoPairs) this isn't a game  
(TwoPairs) I'm not like that  
(TwoPairs) it's real  
(TwoPairs) more real than anything I've ever had  
(TwoPairs) and you know how I feel

(Snowbound) I want to hear you say it  
(Snowbound) give me the words

Pause

(TwoPairs) I'm on fire  
(TwoPairs) breathless  
(TwoPairs) aching  
(TwoPairs) needing

(Snowbound) needing what?

(TwoPairs) you  
(TwoPairs) I need you  
(TwoPairs) all of you. everything  
(TwoPairs) breath. teeth. heartbeat. touch  
(TwoPairs) over me, under me  
(TwoPairs) inside me

(Snowbound) god  
(Snowbound) yeah. oh fuckyeah

Pause

(Snowbound) jesus. my hands are shaking  
(Snowbound) you get to me good  
(Snowbound) so good  
(Snowbound) you're making me crazy

(TwoPairs) sorry  
(TwoPairs) well, not sorry exactly... haha :)  
(TwoPairs) no. that's a lie  
(TwoPairs) I'm not sorry. Not at all  
(TwoPairs) I like it  
(TwoPairs) I like making you feel that way

(Snowbound) watch it, woman

(TwoPairs) ohhhh  
(TwoPairs) I'm scared, sugar  
(TwoPairs) whatcha gonna do?  
(TwoPairs) throw a snowball at me?  
(TwoPairs) give me a backrub?

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) damn tease  
(Snowbound) careful there, darlin'  
(Snowbound) you're just asking for trouble

(TwoPairs) maybe I don't want to be careful  
(TwoPairs) and I like trouble  
(TwoPairs) but only with you

(Snowbound) good  
(Snowbound) I don't share

(TwoPairs) me either  
(TwoPairs) and for the record  
(TwoPairs) you make all of me shake  
(TwoPairs) not just my hands

(Snowbound) christ, baby  
(Snowbound) you're killing me here

(TwoPairs) good

(Snowbound) hmm... you like making me lose control?

(TwoPairs) most definitely  
(TwoPairs) that's kinda a big thing for me, actually

(Snowbound) yeah?

(TwoPairs) yeah  
(TwoPairs) that's it, isn't it?  
(TwoPairs) the core of us as sexual beings, I mean  
(TwoPairs) that something inside us is so powerful, so desirable  
(TwoPairs) that it can make someone else lose control  
(TwoPairs) that one's at the top of my list of hottest fantasies ever

(Snowbound) it is?  
(Snowbound) tell me

(TwoPairs) there's no detailed, graphic fantasy exactly  
(TwoPairs) it's just the idea of it  
(TwoPairs) that my lover wants me so much he can't control himself  
(TwoPairs) that what he feels is so big, so wild and raw  
(TwoPairs) so primal and real  
(TwoPairs) that it can't be contained by sex that has limits and boundaries

Logan was stunned. She wanted _that_? He could feel the animal rising now, aware and interested. Prowling along the edges of his consciousness. Hungry.

(Snowbound) hands down  
(Snowbound) that's the hottest fucking thing I've ever heard  
(Snowbound) and probably the most honest

(TwoPairs) really?

(Snowbound) hell, yes  
(Snowbound) men like a woman to be uninhibited too  
(Snowbound) all wild and out of control

(TwoPairs) men?  
(TwoPairs) or you?

(Snowbound) well, I can't speak for all of us, darlin'  
(Snowbound) but the idea of it fucking does it for me

(TwoPairs) good  
(TwoPairs) just the idea of it?  
(TwoPairs) you've never had that?

(Snowbound) yeah, the idea  
(Snowbound) nobody's ever wanted me like that  
(Snowbound) ever wanted all of me

(TwoPairs) I do  
(TwoPairs) so you can't say that any more

(Snowbound) yes, ma'am

The world was spinning.

(TwoPairs) I got the goosebumps just now when you said that  
(TwoPairs) you did that to me

(Snowbound) you do that to me too  
(Snowbound) make my body do all sorts of things  
(Snowbound) from the other side of the continent  
(Snowbound) from the other side of the screen

(TwoPairs) good!  
(TwoPairs) ::evil grin::

(Snowbound) you know, you're gonna have to pay for that later

(TwoPairs) umm... is that a promise?

(Snowbound) god  
(Snowbound) you're making it so damn hard to be good

(TwoPairs) is that all I'm making hard, sugar?

(Snowbound) what the hell do you think?  
(Snowbound) I'm surprised you can't see the flames from here

(TwoPairs) hmm... sounds like a 'no' to me ;)

(Snowbound) it's more than just that

Pause

(Snowbound) you know that, right?  
(Snowbound) that I...

(TwoPairs) that you... ?

_Aw, fuck it._

(Snowbound) that I got feelings for you, darlin'  
(Snowbound) real ones. deep ones  
(Snowbound) strong ones  
(Snowbound) they're wild and complex and scary as hell

(TwoPairs) I know  
(TwoPairs) I do too  
(TwoPairs) mine are kinda scary too  
(TwoPairs) big and messy and so deep  
(TwoPairs) so real and out of control  
(TwoPairs) they're never gonna fit in the lines  
(TwoPairs) not with you  
(TwoPairs) not ever

(Snowbound) I'm real glad to hear that, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I don't want any lines with you either

(TwoPairs) I wish...

(Snowbound) yeah, me too  
(Snowbound) but I'm not  
(Snowbound) I'm here...  
(Snowbound) so talk to me, instead

Pause

(TwoPairs) damn  
(TwoPairs) I can't  
(TwoPairs) I have to go

(Snowbound) are you ok?

(TwoPairs) yes, yes I'm fine  
(TwoPairs) and no, before you ask...  
(TwoPairs) it doesn't have anything to do with what we talked about tonight  
(TwoPairs) that's not the reason I have to go

(Snowbound) good. that's good  
(Snowbound) what is it?

(TwoPairs) my boss (Charles) just called  
(TwoPairs) one of my students is having some problems

_Heh. She calls him Charles? Oh. Yeah, ok. That's gotta be the Magneto in her. Wonder what ol' Chuck thinks of that?_

(TwoPairs) she needs to talk... or maybe she just needs someone to listen  
(TwoPairs) the students here... well, it's a special school  
(TwoPairs) some of them have a lot to work through

_No shit, darlin'. I bet you're real good at that. You gotta good heart. Tender and soft and big as all outdoors. You take real good care of people. You always took care of me, even when you didn't know you were. You still do._

(Snowbound) I understand  
(Snowbound) go on. go take care of her

(TwoPairs) I wish I didn't have to go

(Snowbound) I know, darlin'  
(Snowbound) go. it's ok  
(Snowbound) you take care of her now  
(Snowbound) I'll take care of you later

(TwoPairs) that sounds good  
(TwoPairs) thanks for understanding  
(TwoPairs) goodnight, sugar

(Snowbound) night, darlin'  
(Snowbound) sleep well  
+++++

* * *

 


	8. Green Light

Over the next several weeks they wrote to each other often and chatted when Marie's erratic schedule allowed. It wasn't as often as either of them would have liked, but it was better than nothing. They talked about everything, from art and literature to their hopes and fears. The spoke about religion and philosophy and children. They shared secrets and confidences. Old hurts and new joys.

They learned about each other slowly, savoring each new discovery. They enjoyed unraveling the mystery of each other in slow degrees. Their conversations were often times deep and meaningful, but they laughed and joked frequently as well as they learned to be more comfortable with each other. Occasionally they exchanged heated words, frustrated by the distance between them and by their limited contact.

Most of the time it was simply sharing ideas and thoughts, both light and playful and at other times solemn and serious, but sometimes it was more. Sometimes it was intense and intimate. Many times they tortured and teased, leaving each other aroused and wanting. Both of them were careful not to push each other too far, not to cross that invisible line they seemed to have drawn in sand - the place where the virtual world became physical, became real. It was a fine line, and they'd been close to the edge more than once, but somehow they'd always managed to reign themselves in, just before crossing it.

Last night had been one of those nights. Logan knew he'd been an ass. He'd been short and gruff with her in the beginning, tired of having only her words, tired of having her for such a limited amount of time. He wanted more. They both did. Their mutual frustration erupted last night and quickly became heated and intense, channeled easily from frustration to desire. Their conversation had been rapidly becoming more and more intimate when she'd been called away unexpectedly by Charles.

Logan was beginning to resent him and his power over Marie. He'd all but stopped writing to Charles, afraid that resentment would color his words and make Charles suspicious.

He'd gone to bed uncomfortably aroused, even after a bottle of bourbon and two solitary orgasms; one in the shower and the second in bed when he realized his unruly erection was refusing to be ignored or massaged into submission. He lay there in the dark afterwards, aching and alone, unable to ease his body's demands for Marie.

The problem was that it wasn't just a physical need for her. He couldn't exorcize her from his body because she inhabited his heart and mind as well. Logan ran a hand over his bristly jaw and sighed heavily. He reached down and adjusted himself yet again as he turned over, trying in vain to find a more comfortable position.

Eventually he'd fallen into a light uneasy sleep. He'd only been asleep an hour or two when something woke him up. An odd light, one more fluid and mercurial than moonlight, filled the cabin. It filtered in through the windows and shifted in strange random patterns across the floor. Logan sat up and stared through the window, completely captivated by what he saw. He threw back the covers and dressed hurriedly before slipping silently out the door.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

God, darlin'. I don't know where to start. I know tonight was... well, you know how it was. I was angry and turned on and fuck, you make me so goddamn hot I can't even think straight.

I know it's asking a lot but can you just forget all that stuff for a while? Be mad at me later? Something happened tonight after you left and I just wanted to share it with you right now while it's still fresh in my mind.

I was asleep. Not sleeping too good because of earlier. You know how it is after we talk like that. Well anyway, something woke me up. You know it's dark here in the winter for days and weeks on end, sometimes months at a time with little or no sunlight. Tonight this light, this amazing light, came up outta nowhere and just glowed so bright.

When I got up to check it out I wished more than anything I could have shared what I saw with you just then. It was the Northern Lights, darlin', like I've never seen them in all the time I've lived here.

This big green ribbon of light was just moving across the sky in this slow arcing wave. It was reflecting off the snow, making everything glow this deep brilliant green. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I was thinking with you being an artist, how much you'd have loved to see it. God knows how much I wanted to share it with you, to just hold you in that flickering green light.

Thanks for listening, darlin'. I'm sorry if this doesn't make a whole lotta sense. I just had to share it with you right now. Sometimes I get so full of something I just can't wait to tell you about it.

I know when we talked tonight it was wild, intense. We both said a lotta things. Hot things. Don't get me wrong. I like that stuff, like it a lot... but we're more than that, too. The light tonight reminded me of that.

I just wanted to hold you close, outside in the snow under that sky, watching that green light touch your face and hearing what you thought about it. But that other part, it's there too. I wanted to share that with you but I also wanted to take you back here and make love to you in my bed bathed in that green light. Miss you, darlin'.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

The Northern Lights sound beautiful. I wish I could have shared that moment with you. I loved the way you described them... and I loved the way you wanted to share them with me, too. I imagine your arms around me, holding me tight as we watch that ribbon of luminescent green dance across the sky. I imagine whispering in your ear about how I would like to try to capture it in a painting.

There, surrounded by the snow and the trees, I imagine us talking without the soft click of keys and without words flashing on a screen. I imagine leaning back, resting my head on your chest when we're tired of talking and sitting together in silence while we watch the light play over the snow. And lastly, I too, imagine returning to your cabin and making love while that green light glows in the heavens and shines down on us. Honestly, I can't imagine anything I'd like more than to spend the night in your arms... except perhaps to spend every night in your arms.

I understand what you mean about being so full of something you just can't wait to share it. I feel that way too. Some things just aren't the same, just aren't real or complete, until I get to share them with you.

I also wanted to talk to you about last night. I wasn't mad at you. Not really. I know you weren't really mad either, just frustrated, both physically and by the fact you have so little control when we talk this way. I'm sorry Charles called me away when he did. At least you got to suffer in peace. I on the other hand, got to explain how come I was flushed and breathing hard... Stop laughing, sugar. I know you are.

Oh, I almost forgot. I finally got those pictures of my paintings done. I know you've been asking to see what my paintings look like for a while now. I'm going to attach one to this email. This one isn't my best work. It's too raw, too unrefined, but it's my favorite. Remember, it's ok if you don't 'get' it. Nobody else ever has. It's abstract to say the least. Most of my stuff is like that... so don't worry about trying to understand it or anything. The last person who saw it (my old roommate) only had this to say about it. "Rogue, chica. It's cool, but I think it could use some yellow." It's not quite the same as seeing it in person, but at least you get the idea. Anyway, I hope you like it.

Rogue  
+++++

Logan smiled as he read her message.

_Ain't that the truth, darlin'. There's nothin' I want more than for you to spend every night in my arms._

He was relieved to know she wasn't still upset with him, that she understood his frustration.

_And she's right about me gettin' a good laugh over her havin' to explain to Chuck why she was flushed. Heh._

Logan took another sip of his strong black coffee while he finished reading her email.

_Hot damn, darlin'. It's about time._

He was definitely looking forward to seeing one of her paintings. Art was so personal, so revealing. He was curious to see what her painting would tell him about her.

Logan clicked on the attached file and sat dumbstruck by what she'd managed to capture on the canvas. He stared at it transfixed. She was right. It was raw, powerfully so. There were no discernible images or shapes just loose forms, suggesting feeling rather than objects. There was a hint of something solid in the foreground, and three long shadowy marks. Behind that image was another image, equally powerful but somewhat more subdued, more subtle. It was lighter, softer. Two pale tendrils of color escaped it, mixing boldly with the darker heavier colors of the foreground.

_Jesus._

It was him, or rather, it was them. It couldn't be anything else. It was that moment in the torch just before the tips of his claws destroyed the machine. The moment when her hair had turned white and her screaming stopped. All the colors were there, just like he remembered, the silvery matrix of light, the black of his leather, the red of his blood, the green of her cloak. It was all there and in an instant it all clicked into place. The shape in the foreground was his arm, the three shadowy shapes weren't his claws, but the light reflecting off his claws. There were only two people in the world who knew what that silvery matrix of light had looked like from the inside as it reflected off the adamantium, and she was the other one.

The two pale streaks, that was her, mixing with him as they touched. The images were superimposed because in that instant it would have been impossible to separate one from the other. They were two bodies sharing one life force. The feelings it evoked were just as powerful now as they had been then, violence, anger, fear, terror, love. Logan was in absolute awe.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but his coffee was stone cold when he reached out and slowly stroked the screen with the tip of his finger. He couldn't lie to her about this. He couldn't pretend he didn't understand it, but he couldn't tell her he knew what it meant either. She'd know instantly who he was. Just because she'd painted that picture for herself, and none of her little friends understood it, that didn't mean 'Logan' wouldn't. He wondered if she would have shown it to him - to her Logan - if he'd returned to the school instead of continuing on searching for his past. That she'd shared it with him, with 'Snowbound', touched him deeply. She'd shown him something incredibly intimate about herself. He didn't know what to say to her.

_Damn. That's not true. I know just what I wanna say._

He wanted to tell her it was the single most powerful piece of art he'd ever seen. What he really wanted to tell her was that he wanted that painting. He wanted it to hang in whatever home they made for themselves in the future... but he couldn't tell her any of those things. Not yet.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

You're right. It is raw, powerful. Your work is amazing. Your friend is wrong. It doesn't need any fucking yellow.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Hey sugar,

I'm glad you liked it. It makes most people... I don't know... uneasy I guess. I was feeling a lot of intense emotions when I painted it. I think sometimes people pick up on that even though they don't know quite what they are and that makes them uncomfortable.

I've started a new one... oils, like before. Your description of the Northern Lights inspired me. This one's called 'Grünes Licht'. I'll take a picture of it and send it to you when I'm finished. I think you'll like it. Too bad you aren't here to pose for me. *grin* Of course, if that were the case, I probably wouldn't be getting a whole lot of painting done... I guess I'll just have to use my imagination.

Rogue

PS. I forgot to tell you the title of the other one, sorry. It's 'Wir Lebten'.  
+++++

Logan mulled over Rogue's last email while he made dinner. Something about it niggled at his brain. He was certain her new painting was going to be of them, together under the Northern Lights. The playful way she'd said it suggested that it was probably going to be more intimate than just the two of them outside together watching the sky. A slow satisfied smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. If fact, it sounded a whole lot like she was going to paint the two of them like they'd talked about, naked and entwined on his bed, bathed in the green light.

Something clicked.

_Damn, why didn't I see it before? Green light. Grünes Licht._

It was German. He knew it wasn't English, but he couldn't place the language until just now.

_Magneto, dumbass. Of course it's German. Shit._

Logan had already dropped the can opener and was moving almost before he knew it. He opened the laptop and did a search for German to English translators. He found what he was looking for relatively quickly and typed in 'Grünes Licht'. The answer came back almost immediately. Green light.

_I knew it._

Logan remembered back to that night in the torch. Holding her so close, terrified when he touched her and didn't feel the pull. His mind had been screaming for her to live. Begging, pleading, demanding for her to live, to breathe, to take whatever she needed from him. Over and over in his head he'd heard the words and then slowly he'd felt the pull begin. His consciousness had faded to black with that one thought echoing in his mind. Live.

With shaking hands he typed in the title to the painting she'd sent him and hit enter. He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep steadying breath before opening them, but he already knew what it was going to say. Wir Lebten.

We Lived.

* * *

 


	9. Letting Go

+++++  
(Chat)

(TwoPairs) you there?

(Snowbound) I'm here, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I was wondering where you were

(TwoPairs) sorry I'm late  
(TwoPairs) I was taking a hot relaxing bath and I lost track of time  
(TwoPairs) I had a bad day

(Snowbound) it's ok  
(Snowbound) you're just a few minutes late anyway  
(Snowbound) why a bad day?

(TwoPairs) the ice queen again

(Snowbound) what happened?

(TwoPairs) it's a long story

(Snowbound) I ain't going anywhere  
(Snowbound) talk to me, darlin'

(TwoPairs) she overheard me talking with Jubilee (my old roommate)  
(TwoPairs) she's going to college in the city but she came to visit this morning  
(TwoPairs) Jubes and I were discussing our plans for today  
(TwoPairs) she wanted to go to dinner this evening and I told her I couldn't  
(TwoPairs) because I was meeting you tonight

(Snowbound) you didn't have to do that

(TwoPairs) I know  
(TwoPairs) I wanted to

(Snowbound) thanks, baby  
(Snowbound) that's real sweet of you

(TwoPairs) no thanks needed, sugar  
(TwoPairs) anyway... she wanted to know all about you, of course  
(TwoPairs) I told her a little  
(TwoPairs) not everything... but enough

(Snowbound) ice queen overheard that, huh?

(TwoPairs) yeah  
(TwoPairs) she didn't say anything about it then  
(TwoPairs) she just rolled her eyes at me and left

(Snowbound) she said something later though, didn't she?

(TwoPairs) yeah  
(TwoPairs) Jubes and I went out... did some shopping  
(TwoPairs) visited her apartment in the city...  
(TwoPairs) went to lunch  
(TwoPairs) girl stuff, you know?

(Snowbound) I'll take your word for it, darlin'  
(Snowbound) it's been a while since my last tea party  
(Snowbound) heh

(TwoPairs) lol thanks, sugar  
(TwoPairs) I needed that laugh

(Snowbound) you bet

(TwoPairs) anyway... tonight at dinner the ice queen (Jean)  
(TwoPairs) leaned over and said something to one of the teachers...  
(TwoPairs) and she said it loud enough so I'd be sure to hear it

Pause

(Snowbound) go on, baby

(TwoPairs) she told her that she'd found out I met someone online  
(TwoPairs) and that she guessed the crush I had on Logan must have been pretty weak if I couldn't even wait for him to come back before I started throwing myself at other men

(Snowbound) damned bitch

(TwoPairs) there's more

(Snowbound) more?  
(Snowbound) fuck  
(Snowbound) sorry... go on

(TwoPairs) I'm embarrassed to say I said something equally nasty back  
(TwoPairs) I shouldn't have  
(TwoPairs) but I did

(Snowbound) yeah?

(TwoPairs) I told her I wasn't surprised she was disappointed by my conduct...  
(TwoPairs) but that not everyone could wait until they were engaged before throwing themselves at other men

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) good for you  
(Snowbound) you handled that with class

(TwoPairs) no I didn't  
(TwoPairs) I sank to her level  
(TwoPairs) even if what I said was the truth

(Snowbound) yeah?  
(Snowbound) well, I have no class  
(Snowbound) you're lucky I wasn't there  
(Snowbound) I would have told her to shut her fucking mouth  
(Snowbound) and then I would have gotten ugly  
(Snowbound) heh

(TwoPairs) my knight in digital armor

(Snowbound) yeah  
(Snowbound) something like that  
(Snowbound) what the hell is her problem anyway?

(TwoPairs) she's had a chip on her shoulder since Logan left

It was much more than that. Jean was struggling, snappish and easily distracted. She had a hard time focusing. Her powers were erratic, bouncing between spotty and frighteningly expansive. Since that night in the torch when the silvery light had touched her, she'd been different. Off. Sometimes she could be so nice and other times she could be terribly cruel. It was almost like there were two Jeans living inside her now. They were all worried about her and understood she was honestly having a difficult time with something beyond her control, but it still didn't make her acerbic side any more pleasant. Marie seemed to draw her ire the most often. She wasn't exactly sure why, but she guessed it had something to do with Logan. She couldn't think of anything else. Jean was smarter than she was, prettier, had a much more useful mutation, a hot lover who was crazy about her and she was highly respected in her field. But Marie had youth. Youth and a promise from Logan. And maybe that was enough. Something was just off with her. Jean had slowly been growing more unstable since that night and nobody knew how to stop it.

(Snowbound) how come?

(TwoPairs) because he left without telling her goodbye

Pause

(Snowbound) that's it?

(TwoPairs) well, he told me goodbye  
(TwoPairs) and he gave me something to keep for him until he got back

(Snowbound) what was it?

Logan felt uncomfortable asking that question, but he had to ask since 'Snowbound' wouldn't know. _Shit._ He didn't like playing dumb with her.

(TwoPairs) his dog tags

(Snowbound) did you wear them?

Ok, so he felt bad for asking, but he really, really wanted to know the answer to that particular question. He'd wanted to know that answer for the longest time and it wasn't exactly something he could ask Charles.

(TwoPairs) every day  
(TwoPairs) I think maybe Jean thought I was wearing them just to show her up  
(TwoPairs) like he liked me better than her or something  
(TwoPairs) but we both know that's not true  
(TwoPairs) when he said his heart belong to someone else  
(TwoPairs) it was her

Logan struggled to keep it together. Those were some painful words. Words he couldn't address right now without revealing too much. Shit.

(Snowbound) dumbass

(TwoPairs) while I really can't disagree there  
(TwoPairs) he has to have seen something good in her  
(TwoPairs) but I wasn't trying to be nasty  
(TwoPairs) I wore them for me - not for her  
(TwoPairs) I wouldn't do that  
(TwoPairs) be ugly like that

(Snowbound) I know you wouldn't  
(Snowbound) that ain't the kinda person you are

Pause

(Snowbound) you still wearing them?  
(Snowbound) cause I don't like the idea of someone else's tags on my girl

_For Christ's sake, I'm jealous of myself._

He felt a great swell of satisfaction that she'd worn the tags, swiftly followed by a hot spike of anger. To her, Logan and 'Snowbound' were two different people. He didn't want her wearing another man's mark.

(TwoPairs) is that what I am?  
(TwoPairs) your girl?

(Snowbound) hell yes  
(Snowbound) do you even have to ask?

He was getting a little pissed off now and he was very aware she hadn't answered his question.

(TwoPairs) no  
(TwoPairs) I know  
(TwoPairs) I know that... just a bad mood... sorry

_Answer the fuckin' question, darlin'. Tags on, yes or no?_

(Snowbound) the tags?

(TwoPairs) the truth?

(Snowbound) yeah

He braced himself.

(TwoPairs) I wore them every day  
(TwoPairs) until you  
(TwoPairs) I took them off the night of our second chat

Relief flooded him and Logan let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding.

Pause

(TwoPairs) that was the first time we spoke... intimately  
(TwoPairs) remember?

(Snowbound) hell yes  
(Snowbound) you told me you needed me  
(Snowbound) needed me inside you

(TwoPairs) yes, I did  
(TwoPairs) and I still do, sugar  
(TwoPairs) I want that so much  
(TwoPairs) so deep inside

(Snowbound) that's just where I wanna be  
(Snowbound) all in  
(Snowbound) all of me

(TwoPairs) ((shiver))  
(TwoPairs) I didn't wear them after that night  
(TwoPairs) it just seemed... I don't know... just not right

(Snowbound) good  
(Snowbound) I mean I'm glad you're not wearing them anymore

(TwoPairs) me too  
(TwoPairs) I'm your girl, not his  
(TwoPairs) it was time to let go

Again, Logan felt an irrational stab of jealousy.

_Fuck_.

It was all so confusing - like he was letting her go and finding her again. A part of him cringed at the idea of her letting him go, but another part understood the only reason she was able to was because she wasn't really letting him go at all. While she might not have recognized him, she responded to him because on some level she always had. Some part of her responded to him instinctively the same way he responded to her. Logan didn't think it was a coincidence that of all the men in her life that she could have chosen to love, she picked him. Both times. Still though, the thought that Marie could consider loving someone else scared him. It was time to quit fucking around. It was time to go home.

_Ok, just another question or two and then I'm done with this. I don't like askin' her stuff 'bout 'Logan'. Makes me feel real shitty. This is the last time. I swear I'm not tryin' to trick her. I just gotta know how she really feels._

Logan shifted uneasily in his chair.

(Snowbound) you ok with that?  
(Snowbound) ok with letting go?  
(Snowbound) I know he means a lot to you

(TwoPairs) yes, I am  
(TwoPairs) and yes, he means a lot to me  
(TwoPairs) that will never change  
(TwoPairs) but it's not this thing I have with you  
(TwoPairs) that's different

(Snowbound) different in a good way?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) definitely

(Snowbound) good  
(Snowbound) that's good

_Thank God. Ok, enough of this shit. Time to have a little fun._

Pause

(Snowbound) hmm... so, darlin'  
(Snowbound) about that bath

(TwoPairs) what about it, sugar?

(Snowbound) you were late getting here  
(Snowbound) does that mean you came right from the bath?

(TwoPairs) is that your way of asking what I'm wearing?

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) maybe

(TwoPairs) maybe?

(Snowbound) ok, yes

Pause

(Snowbound) I'm still waiting for that answer, darlin'

(TwoPairs) haha ;)  
(TwoPairs) you've never asked me that before

(Snowbound) you've never told me you were just out of the bath before  
(Snowbound) I can't stop thinking about it

(TwoPairs) well in that case  
(TwoPairs) my hair is still up... so it wouldn't get wet  
(TwoPairs) my skin is a little damp still, warm and pink  
(TwoPairs) I'm wearing an emerald green robe

(Snowbound) ummm...

(TwoPairs) did I mention it was satiny and short?

(Snowbound) god

Pause

(Snowbound) is that all you're wearing?

(TwoPairs) yes ;)  
(TwoPairs) well, and a smile  
(TwoPairs) that too

(Snowbound) that's the best part, right there  
(Snowbound) damn, darlin'  
(Snowbound) you sure know how to keep a man warm

_And hard._

(TwoPairs) well, hey, I try ;)  
(TwoPairs) what are you wearing, sugar?

(Snowbound) jeans

(TwoPairs) and?

(Snowbound) jeans

(TwoPairs) nothing else?

(Snowbound) nope

(TwoPairs) umm... now that's a nice image  
(TwoPairs) top of the list, actually

(Snowbound?) yeah?

(TwoPairs) oh yeah  
(TwoPairs) definitely

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) glad you approve

(TwoPairs) there's just something about a man in low slung jeans and bare feet  
(TwoPairs) that just does it for me

(Snowbound) does what?

(TwoPairs) turns my insides into honey  
(TwoPairs) and makes them run down my legs

(Snowbound) jesus

(TwoPairs) OMG I can't believe I said that  
(TwoPairs) you wouldn't believe my blush  
(TwoPairs) I think all my blood's in my face

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) all mine went the other way

(TwoPairs) Mmm...

Pause

(Snowbound) about that robe  
(Snowbound) imagine my hands there  
(Snowbound) undoing the sash  
(Snowbound) pulling it open  
(Snowbound) I want to watch you take it off  
(Snowbound) but slow... real slow for me

Pause

(Snowbound) Rogue?

_Shit._ She was gone.

Logan cursed and glared at the laptop. It wasn't the first time this had happened. Occasionally one of them would get knocked offline. It aggravated him that he had so little control over the situation. He eyed the screen.

_You little piece of shit._

Logan ran a hand through his hair and chomped on his cigar.

_I hate this. I fuckin' HATE this._

He hated that feeling, so useless, so powerless to do anything but wait. He was not a patient man. Usually she came back right away if she could. He waited five minutes... and then ten.

_Dammit._

He stalked to the tiny kitchen for a beer. When he came back there was an email waiting for him.

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Sorry about that. Ice queen again. She knocked on my door. She knew I was in here even though I didn't answer and she came in anyway... although I could have sworn I locked my door. That's why I left so fast. I didn't want her reading our conversation (something I wouldn't put past her) so I just turned the computer off. I'm sorry.

She was pretty pissed about earlier. She said a bunch of pretty nasty things. Mostly about how it was good that you weren't 'real' because I could never satisfy a man in real life (on account of my feeling untouchable). God, she really is a bitch. She said some other things too that I won't bother repeating. It's hard to take sometimes. She's been more and more unstable lately. Something is definitely going on with her, but even knowing that doesn't make these little run-ins with her more pleasant. They still pretty much piss me the hell off. We all have issues. But it does't give her a free pass, you know?

I'm sorry I didn't come back and chat. I'm too mad to be decent company for anyone tonight. When I get like this it helps if I go for a drive. Don't worry, I'll be safe... Not a wild out of control drive.. I just need to get away from her, from this place for a while. I'll be back later.

Rogue

PS I read what you wrote about the robe. Save that thought, ok? And if you don't mind, I'm gonna take that one of you in just your jeans with me for the drive. Talk soon, sugar.  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

It's ok. I understand. I hate it that I can't do anything about it, but I understand. I'm sorry you have to put up with that kinda shit from her. I hope you told her off, but I'm guessing you didn't. You gotta big heart that way. I don't know what's up with her either, but she better get her head on straight soon. That shit just doesn't fly with me.

I understand about needing to get away and just drive and think. I do that too. (When I'm not snow bound, that is.) Heh. There's something soothing about rhythmic sound of the pavement under the wheels and a long stretch of open road. I'll be here when you get back, darlin'.

L

PS Don't worry about me saving that thought. I couldn't get it out of my mind if I tried. Me (and my jeans) hope you have a helluva drive.  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

I just wanted you to know I'm back safe. It's a little past 3AM and I have to teach at eight. I'm feeling much better and you're right about driving being soothing. I hope I didn't worry you too much. I had happy denim thoughts to keep me company. ;)

Anyway, before Jean went and ruined the evening I had planned... I was going to tell you something. While I was out with Jubes I had her take some pictures of me. She's thinking of majoring in photography and she's pretty good if I do say so myself. They're black and white. (Jubes is going through a phase.) I hope that's ok. I was going to send them to you tonight, but things didn't work out quite like I'd planned.

I figured I should just screw up the courage and send them since you've already seen my painting... and that's way more personal than a picture... at least for me anyway. I hope you like them. Maybe they'll make it a little easier to imagine slipping off that robe?

Rogue

PS About those picts... Ignore her titles (another phase). Jubes is definitely disturbed. Haha :)  
+++++

* * *

 


	10. Picture This

_Hot damn, pictures. She sent pictures._

Charles had sent him one of Marie at graduation, but it was a picture taken from a distance, not just of her, but one with all the other graduates and she had been covered from head to toe in a black gown. Not that he didn't appreciate the gesture, but still... it just wasn't the same as having a picture of just her. Turning his attention back to the screen, Logan read the titles and grinned around the cigar in his teeth.

_[Rogue on Jubes's Couch aka 'Refusing to Show the Girls']_

_[Rogue's Favorite Dress aka 'My Eclectic Chica']_

_[Rogue Thinking of You aka 'Bedroom Eyes']_

Logan was amused.

_Heh. She's right. Jubilee is definitely disturbed._

Never one for being patient, he bypassed the other two and went right for, 'Rogue Thinking of You aka Bedroom Eyes'. His eyes widened as he stared at the picture.

_Goddamn_.

She certainly hadn't looked like that when he left.

_'Course, that's probably a good thing._

A slow smile spread over his face. She was beautiful, graceful, sexy... and by no stretch of the imagination could she be considered a 'girl'. Oh, no. She was all woman. His woman.

_That's right, bub. Hot as fuck and all mine._

The smile got bigger - and more feral.

He was unable to stop himself from reaching out and stroking the screen with a single fingertip.

_Soon, darlin'._

Logan clicked on the next one, still chuckling softly at the title.

_Arms crossed on the couch, lookin' serious. Whole lotta skin showin' in that one. Just a tank top and jeans. Not lookin' real happy 'bout her picture being taken. I hear ya, darlin'. I don't like it much either. You in fronta a camera - always a good thing, though. Always._

Logan nodded absently to himself as he clicked on the last one.

_Damn._

She was the only woman he'd ever known who could look sexy and innocent at the same time. He liked the dress, liked it a lot. She looked soft. Not so much in a physical way - although there was that - it was more like soft in an emotional way.

Everyone always assumed that because he was a hard man who lived a hard life that hardness was all he ever wanted to have. They never considered even for an instant that big badass Wolverine might want something soft, something gentle in his life. Was it really so hard to comprehend? Just because he had a more animalistic side, just because he liked to fight and fuck didn't mean he didn't dream about softer things like any other man.

While he had plenty of hot erotic thoughts about Marie, they weren't what got him through the nights when the nightmares threatened to consume him. Those nights he longed for her softness. He imagined resting his head on her breast, his arms wrapped tightly around her, as he listened to the steady beat of her heart and the slow even rhythm of her breathing. He dreamed of her small hands gently stroking his back as she whispered soothing things and held him tightly in the darkness. Those were the images that sustained him.

With her he didn't have to be the Wolverine. He could just be a man, just be Logan. She understood, better than anyone, that he had weaknesses the same as any other man. It was ok for her to see him that way. He knew instinctively she wouldn't think less of him for it. Those nights he imagined losing himself in her, giving himself over into her care, letting her be strong for them both. He wasn't a superhero. He was just a man. A man that felt pain and fear and loneliness just as deeply as any other man.

Nobody but Marie had ever seen that in him. She'd seen it right from the beginning. She hadn't been in his truck five minutes before she'd just gone ahead and asked if it hurt when the claws came out.

_Not five damn minutes_.

In fifteen years, she was the only one who had ever asked. His answer had astounded him. It just slipped right out. Every time. So, there it was, out there. Just like that. Fifteen years of silent pain and then, there it was. She'd just given him this sad knowing look. No questions. No apologies. No pity. Just understanding and acceptance. Logan smiled into the darkness, eternally grateful for whatever reasons fate had chosen to put Marie in his path.

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Morning, darlin'. Glad you're back safe. Thanks for sending the pictures. You're just as beautiful to me on the outside as you are on the inside. I imagined you lots of times but... damn. You're soft and sexy and hot as hell.

_[I hope you like them. Maybe they'll make it a little easier to imagine slipping off that robe?]_

Baby, if it gets any easier I'm gonna have to throw myself into the nearest snow bank to keep the cabin from going up in flames. Heh.

I do wonder though, what exactly you were thinking in the one she called 'Rogue Thinking of You'. I know that according to the rules of our little game I can't ask a question like that without answering it myself... But I'm not exactly sure in this case you'd wanna hear what I was thinking when I saw that picture. Heh. Just giving you fair warning. Your call.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Hey sugar,

I'm glad you liked my pictures. I've got to confess I was more than a little nervous about sending them. It seems a little silly now though, considering your reaction. *grin*

_[I do wonder though, what exactly you were thinking in the one she_ _called 'Rogue Thinking of You'.]_

Well... You wrote me this in a previous email.

_[I'm having a beer so that's what I'd taste_ _like. Well, my mouth anyway. You'll have to use your imagination_ _for the rest.]_

I think perhaps I might have been using that imagination of mine a little... but then again, there were a lotta thoughts floating around in my head just then (surrounding that particular subject). Why limit myself to just one? And you should know that I have one hell of an imagination. I think it's pretty safe to say I covered every inch of you. Some inches got covered more than once. If you're gonna do something, do it well, right? ;)

_[I know that according to the rules of our little game I can't ask a_ _question without answering it myself... But I'm not exactly sure in_ _this case you'd wanna hear what I was thinking when I saw that_ _picture.]_

Rules are rules, sunshine. I'm waiting.

Rogue

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Honest to god, woman. I swear you're trying to kill me. Wallowing in a snow bank for that amount of time just can't be good for a man. Heh. I love that you think about me like that. That you want that. I want that too, with you.

_[And you should know that I have one hell of an imagination. I think it's pretty safe to say I covered every inch. Some inches got covered more than once. If you're gonna do something, do it well, right?]_

Do you have any idea what reading that did to me? On second thought, don't answer that. I bet you knew exactly what it was gonna do. I gotta tell you though, turnabout is fair play, darlin'.

_[Rules are rules, sunshine. I'm waiting.]_

Well, baby, typically I ain't one to play by the rules, but I'll make an exception for you. I was thinking you're beautiful. I was wondering what that beautiful face would look like flushed and damp with your head thrown back and your eyes squeezed shut while those lush full lips panted against my throat. That's how it would be. The sweetness of your mouth still drying on my skin. My mouth on you. Your body under mine. All in. All of me. Just like you said. One smooth stroke.

That's not all of it, but I'm sure that wicked imagination of yours can do the rest of it justice. In fact, I'm counting on it.

L  
+++++

Logan hit enter, smiling at the thought of Marie reading what he'd just written. His smile faded. He needed to write to Charles. He'd been putting off the inevitable long enough. He was going to be coming back soon and it would be better if Charles was prepared.

+++++  
(Email)

Charles,

In your last email you asked how my end of the search was going. It isn't. Even though I had the whole damn winter to work on it, I haven't found anything worthwhile. I spent a lotta time sifting through what I already knew, and still nothing. Whoever they were, they knew what they were doing. Makes you wonder if they were so goddamn perfect how the fuck I ever got away. The way I figure it, they already fucked up once because here I am. It can't be the only mistake they ever made.

I've got a few more weeks here, but I'll be heading out soon. I figured I'd take you up on that offer to stay a while at the school. There are some things I found I need to talk over with you that I don't want sent out over the internet. Take care of the kid and tell her she doesn't have to move outta my room. I'll just take a different one.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Logan,

I trust this email finds you well. It has been some time since we have heard from you. Since our last correspondence, I regret to say I have had little luck turning up any new leads. I will, of course, continue to use everything at my disposal to continue the search. You are correct. Given what we know about the magnitude of the experiments, the odds are in your favor. It is impossible to cover up something that extensive. It is human nature to err. Considering the number of people who must have been involved, someone, somewhere must have made a mistake and I intend to find it. Time is in our favor, is it not?

As always, you are more than welcome. Our door is always open to you. As difficult as I may find it, I feel as though there are a few things you should be made aware of before you arrive. Although it is not my place, I feel it necessary to tell you that Rogue has met someone. They have been corresponding via email for some time. She is happier than I have ever seen her. I believe she is quite in love with her young man. While I do not pretend to understand the relationship the two of you share, there was a time I thought perhaps there was something more than friendship between you. I would not have you walk into the situation blindly.

\- Charles  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Charles,

I appreciate the heads-up. Expect me in a few weeks. I'm glad the kid found someone. She deserves to be happy.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Hey, sugar. Hmm... I liked your 'picture' thoughts. At least you've moved beyond giving out those back massages when you're in bed with a woman. *grin* Haha :) Sorry, you really are just too much fun to tease.

_[That's not all of it, but I'm sure that wicked imagination of yours_ _can do the rest of it justice. In fact, I'm counting on it.]_

Well, I'd say it's a safe bet that I have a hell of a lot more inside my head that one might imagine. Think you can handle it?

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I can handle anything you can dish out, darlin'.

L

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Can you, now? Pretty cocky for a man that's been doing nothing but just 'handling' himself for the last few months. Haha ;) Like my momma used to say, if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch, sugar.

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Goddamn, darlin'. I love your fire. And yes, I can handle myself just fine. The real question is, can you? And no offense to your momma, but we already covered that one... Lone wolves don't run with a pack.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

But you aren't a lone wolf any more. You have me.

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I do have you, darlin'. I do. I just want to make sure. I know I asked you before if this was a game. You told me no. I need to know, baby, is this real for you? Because I won't be snow bound forever.

L  
+++++

Her answer came almost immediately.

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Oh, yes. You're as real to me as anyone. More so, I think because you're the only one who's ever taken the time to get to truly get to know me. The 'me' I hide from the world. The things you make me feel are real. What I feel for you is real. Never doubt that.

I know you won't be snow bound forever. What then?

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

That's the easy part, darlin'. The only thing keeping me from you is the snow. It will be a few weeks yet, but when I can get out, I will. Do you want me to come?

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Don't tease me. Don't say it unless you really, really mean it.

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I ain't teasing. Do you want me to come?

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Oh, sugar, yes. Of course I want you to come. No typing. No clicking of keys. No disconnections. No interruptions. Just you and me. I close my eyes and imagine holding you close, feeling your warm body against mine, hearing your heart beat. Talking without words. Yes, please come.

I ran across this poem today and thought of you. No author, no title... just words. From my heart to yours.

_There is no wine like the kisses of his mouth,_   
_No draught sweeter than his lips._   
_Take me to your bed, my beloved;_   
_There let us drink together._

Rogue  
+++++

* * *

 


	11. Back and Forth

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I liked the poem you sent. I told you I read sometimes, mostly stuff by people dead a long damn time. That includes poetry, although I wouldn't admit that to anyone but you. This is one of my favorites.

_**Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.** _

_**\- William Blake** _

I have a desire to see you, darlin'. You wrote that you wanted me to come, that you wanted to talk without words. I understand how you feel. Some of the best talking I've done in my life has been in silence - and in things not said. I want to hold you close and let your heart talk to mine. I have so much to say to you.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

My heart is equally full, sugar. And the quote suits you. I have one for you.

_In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities._   
_~János Arany_

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

True enough, darlin', but I prefer:

_**Journeys end in lovers meeting.** _

_**-William Shakespeare** _

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

You're right. I like that one better, too. I love talking with you. I feel like a little more of you is revealed to me in each email. You are always surprising me. I like that. I like learning about you. You've seen my painting and my pictures, and you are very outspoken on so many things... yet you're so quiet when it comes to yourself. Tell me more?

_Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me._   
_~Sarah Bernhardt_

Rogue

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

I liked that quote a whole lot, baby. I love learning those things about you too, especially the little details. You once wrote me an email full of little things about you. You said it was 'Rogue in a nutshell'. Well, darlin', I want more than just the shell. I want the whole nut. Heh.

I know I don't talk about myself much. Old habits die hard, I guess. You worried I'm some grizzled one-eyed toothless trapper who's gonna wander down outta the mountains and getcha? Heh. I can see how you might think that. I suppose it's only fair you should get some intimate details too. If you're interested that is...

_**I like a man who grins when he fights.** _

_**-Winston Churchill** _

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

A grizzled one-eyed toothless trapper who can quote Shakespeare and Churchill? Yeah, I'm sure there are TONS of those running around... You definitely have a twisted sense of humor. I knew there was a reason I liked you. Haha :) And of course I want intimate details. As many as you'll give me. Like you said, I don't want just the shell, I want the whole nut. Or 'nuts' as the case may be. *naughty grin*

I'm also sensing a little bit of a challenge in that last quote, sugar. In answer, how about:

_There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result._   
_~ Churchill_

Or perhaps you would prefer:

_Pain makes man think._   
_Thought makes man wise._   
_Wisdom makes life endurable._   
_~John Patrick_

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

That's some pretty worldly knowledge for someone who isn't even twenty. I'm impressed. You were right, 19 going on 100. Sexy and smart and a damn fine flirt... or did you think I was going to let that 'nuts' comment slide? Heh.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Intimate details, sugar. I'm waiting. Or maybe that one eye you have left fell out and you can't see to type? ;)

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

You're somethin else, darlin'. Damn. I wasn't looking for my eye, either. I got that glued in real good. Heh.

Really, I was taking a walk and having a smoke, trying to decide what to say. I had a little Southern Comfort, too. I expect that'll help. Heh. I assume you're talking about physical details here, because you get other details all the time from the things we talk about.

Come to think of it, there isn't enough Southern Comfort in the world to make talking about myself easier. Well not the kind that comes in a bottle anyway... Maybe the Mississippi variety might loosen my tongue?

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Arrrggg! You are so frustrating! And you think I'M a tease. I'll tell you what, sugar. Your tongue isn't all I'm gonna loosen if you don't start talking! I told you once I was pretty good at fighting. Maybe I'll pin you and tickle you till you talk.

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Heh. You're welcome to try. I ain't so bad at fighting either. Maybe you'd be the one who got pinned. Like your momma said... if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch, darlin'.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Well, sugar... If fighting fails I can always use my feminine wiles to make you talk. Or is that shout?

Rogue  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Damn. That's getting to me real good, darlin'. Heh. I suppose I've kept you waiting long enough. Talking about myself has never been my strong suit. God, the things I do for you.

((resigned sigh))

Now I know why they say a picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, one damn picture might save me a thousand words, but then again maybe not. Heh. I guess I'll just start at the top and work my way down.

Dark hair. It's thick and a little wild. Not that I care. I'm the towel and go kinda man. No pansy ass hair product or shit like that. I'm not toothless either. Heh. As a matter of fact, not only do I still have all my teeth, I've never even had a cavity. Must be good genetics or something. And contrary to popular belief, I do have both my eyes, darlin', and maybe a few crow's feet too.

I'm lean and, uh, pretty powerfully built. (God, I hate this.) Big arms. Big chest. I guess you could call it a fighter's body. I have big hands and long fingers. Some chest hair, washboard stomach, long legs. Somewhere between the hands and the feet is all the standard equipment, in full working order. Heh. Maybe you'd like a personal tour of that later?

As for pinning me down and tickling me... Yes, I'm ticklish in certain places. I'll let you figure those out on your own. A man's got to have some secrets, after all.

L

Satisfied?  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Good Lord, sugar. You've been holding out on me! Wow, and I thought you sounded good before. I hope you're aware I have a thing for the strong silent type. Big hands? Powerfully built? Washboard stomach? (((shiver))) Is it getting warm in here?

All silliness aside, I appreciate you telling me more about yourself. I know you don't like to talk about your appearance much, but it's nice to have a physical image to go with the mental one I have of you. Truth be told, I'd feel a little silly trying to explain myself in words too. So, thanks for telling me.

_[Satisfied?]_

Hardly! Haha! You think that satisfies me? Oh, sugar. I thought you said you knew how to satisfy a woman. *grin* While I appreciated (and pored over) every word... It's not nearly enough. I'm insatiable when it comes to learning about you. I want to know everything.

Rogue

PS Where do I sign up for that tour? ;)  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Rogue,

Glad to hear I made an impression, darlin'. Heh. As for not liking to talk about myself, there are a few reasons for that. I think a large part of it is because the majority of people I meet judge me by how I look. I don't give a damn that other people do that, in fact, I use it to my advantage a lot of the time, but with you I wanted you to get to know me for me, without all that other shit. Make sense?

As for that tour, there's a sign that says you gotta be old enough and tall enough to ride that particular ride. You sure you qualify? Heh.

_[Oh, sugar. I thought you said you knew how to satisfy a woman.]_

Well now, darlin', I'm perfectly willing to put my money where my mouth is. Are you? Heh.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Morning, sugar. I love waking up to emails from you. Especially ones that create such delicious images. And just for the record, I'm more than qualified for any rides or tours you can come up with. Haha ;) It means a lot to me that you're letting me get to know the real you, the private side of yourself you don't share with anyone else. It makes me feel good. Special. I want to share my private things with you, too. Speaking of that...

_[Well now, darlin', I'm perfectly willing to put my money where my_ _mouth is. Are you?]_

Hmm... Good question. Maybe one of these days you'll be lucky enough to find out. *grin* You wrote in one of your last emails you liked my 'Rogue in a nutshell' so I figured I'd tell you a little more since you were kind enough to tell me more about you.

Ok... um, I usually have fruit for breakfast but I have a serious weakness for chocolate covered, cream filled doughnuts. I also have a weakness for finely worked leather - preferably deep, rich brown. I like gardenias and orange blossoms not roses. My favorite color is green. I sleep in the nude. I have a thing for hockey (watching, not playing). I can sew. I know how to shoot a handgun, although I'm more proficient with a rifle. My favorite artist is Monet. Eva Cassidy is on my ipod on repeat. (Last month it was ZZ Top.) I'm dying to know what you taste like. I have a burning desire to feel your five o'clock shadow... and I'm gonna be late to teach my class if I stay any longer, sugar. :)

Rogue

PS Chat tonight? I've finally got a free evening. (Yeah me!)  
+++++

Logan sat back, chuckling quietly. God, he loved talking with her. She was so animated. He loved the way she expressed herself in words. She was intelligent and feisty, sweet and sensual, and so damn sexy.

_She sleeps naked in my bed. Christ._

He smiled smugly. He liked that she slept in his bed. He groaned quietly at the images that his mind so readily supplied, given that new piece of information.

_Get a grip, bub. She doesn't know it's your bed._

_Yet._

Logan reread her message again, filing away all the new bits of Marie-information. His eyebrow quirked.

_Brown leather. God, Marie wearin' chocolate leather._

The image of naked Marie in his bed was now sporting a pair of leather gloves the color of coffee beans. He scrubbed a hand over his face and then smiled, thinking she'd said that she wanted to feel his whiskers. Thankfully, he was back to his usually hairy self.

The smile faded. He wasn't too sure what to make of Marie knowing about firearms. There'd be hell to pay if he found out Charles was trying to recruit her. He pushed his chair back and stood up abruptly, frustrated he couldn't ask either of them without giving himself away.

_Shit._

He strode away, attempting to content himself with the fact that in a week or two he'd be able to find out for himself.

In person.

* * *

 


	12. Touching the Untouchable

+++++  
(Chat)

(TwoPairs) you here, sugar?

(Snowbound) hey, darlin'  
(Snowbound) you're early

(TwoPairs) I hurried  
(TwoPairs) god, I wish you were here tonight  
(TwoPairs) I need you holding me  
(TwoPairs) touching me

(Snowbound) bad day?

(TwoPairs) not really, just hard  
(TwoPairs) a hard day  
(TwoPairs) damn... hang on  
(TwoPairs) someone's at my door

Pause

(TwoPairs) I'm back  
(TwoPairs) sorry about that

(Snowbound) ice queen again?

(TwoPairs) no, it was Scott (another teacher here)  
(TwoPairs) it's just I had hard day... nothing to worry about  
(TwoPairs) but he just won't leave me alone  
(TwoPairs) he keeps on asking if I'm 'ok' and trying to tell me what to do  
(TwoPairs) he means well, but right now he's just pissing me off

(Snowbound) he sounds like a dick

Logan had no trouble imagining Scott as a pushy interfering asshole. _One Eye better stay the fuck away from my girl._ Marie had made it clear he was what she needed tonight.

(TwoPairs) haha  
(TwoPairs) you always know just what to say to bring a smile to my face

(Snowbound) anytime, baby

(TwoPairs) and as long as we're on the subject of 'dicks'...

(Snowbound) watch it, darlin'

(TwoPairs) I wish I could!  
(TwoPairs) in my mind yours is smooth and hot  
(TwoPairs) heavy

Whoa. Je _sus_. In all the times they'd talked intimately, she'd never been the instigator before. And they never just jumped into this sort of conversation. It always grew out of something else. He wondered what was going on with her. He liked it, though. Her confidence turned him on.

(Snowbound) thick

He wanted her to think about it. To want him. Thick was probably the defining characteristic. It was the girth not the length that made most women uneasy... at least before he showed them he knew how to use what he'd been given.

(TwoPairs) god  
(TwoPairs) I want you so much  
(TwoPairs) need you so bad  
(TwoPairs) in my palm. in my mouth. deep inside me  
(TwoPairs) is that ok?  
(TwoPairs) is it ok I think about you that way?

(Snowbound) hell yes

Her mouth? She fantasized about _that_? Oh, fuck… Logan shifted in the chair. She'd never been this forward with him before and it was driving him wild. He wondered where she was going with this. He stared at the screen, intently waiting for her next words to appear.

(TwoPairs) Mmmm... that's good  
(TwoPairs) I want to touch you

Pause

(TwoPairs) would you play with me?

(Snowbound) oh fuck yeah  
(Snowbound) what game we playing?  
(Snowbound) what do you want me to do?

(TwoPairs) would you let your touch be mine?  
(TwoPairs) I mean for real  
(TwoPairs) not just words on a screen  
(TwoPairs) could you pretend it's my touch?  
(TwoPairs) imagine your touch is my hands on your skin?

(Snowbound) yes  
(Snowbound) but only if you're willing to do the same  
(Snowbound) I don't wanna be here alone  
(Snowbound) I wanna make you burn too

In all the times they'd talked intimately, it had always stayed on the screen. This was the first time it had crossed over into 'reality'. He wanted this with her, but only if she was willing to play too.

Pause

(TwoPairs) ok, yes  
(TwoPairs) me too

(Snowbound) how much do you want me to give you?

(TwoPairs) everything  
(TwoPairs) all of you  
(TwoPairs) all the way

(Snowbound) goddamn, honey  
(Snowbound) now tell me  
(Snowbound) how much do you wanna give me?

He needed to know where the boundaries were so he could give her what she needed.

(TwoPairs) as much as you'll let me

(Snowbound) good  
(Snowbound) good girl  
(Snowbound) whatever you're wearing, take it off  
(Snowbound) I mean it  
(Snowbound) all of it  
(Snowbound) I want you naked  
(Snowbound) and lock the damn door

Marie hurried to peel off the uniform that clung to her like a second skin, ignoring the tear in the arm as she reached back for the zipper. _Damn zipper. Whoever designed these damn things obviously never had to wear one - or take one off._ With a final desperate shimmy she was free of the uniform. In another minute her bra and panties joined the pile of discarded clothes on the bed. She flipped the latch on the door and sat down, breathless from her impromptu struggle with the skintight leather.

(Snowbound) Rogue?

(TwoPairs) sorry  
(TwoPairs) I'm here  
(TwoPairs) stupid zipper in the back was hard to get

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) are you naked for me now?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) just wearing a blush  
(TwoPairs) that's it  
(TwoPairs) it covers a lot though...

(Snowbound) yeah  
(Snowbound) I love that  
(Snowbound) pretty in pink, baby

_God._ The thought of a naked aroused Marie - in his bedroom, no less - was making his jeans uncomfortably tight. Logan's hand went to his fly. His breath hissed through his teeth in relief as he undid the buttons and freed himself from the restrictive denim.

(TwoPairs) what about you, sugar?  
(TwoPairs) what are you wearing?

(Snowbound) jeans

(TwoPairs) are they... ?

(Snowbound) yeah  
(Snowbound) yeah... they're open  
(Snowbound) I had to  
(Snowbound) you want me to take them off?

(TwoPairs) no  
(TwoPairs) leave them on  
(TwoPairs) leave them open like that  
(TwoPairs) that turns me on so much  
(TwoPairs) thinking of you exposed like that

(Snowbound) I'm ready for you, baby  
(Snowbound) good to go

(TwoPairs) ((shiver))  
(TwoPairs) can I ask you to do something?

(Snowbound) always  
(Snowbound) anything you want, darlin'  
(Snowbound) anything you need

(TwoPairs) I want to touch your jaw  
(TwoPairs) your throat  
(TwoPairs) touch it... tell me...

(Snowbound) it's hard  
(Snowbound) scruffy, like you said you liked  
(Snowbound) I let it grow some  
(Snowbound) stubble down my neck too  
(Snowbound) rough/soft under my fingertips  
(Snowbound) christ, what I wouldn't give to feel your tongue there

(TwoPairs) I want to feel your heartbeat right there  
(TwoPairs) in the hollow of your throat

(Snowbound) it's there  
(Snowbound) strong  
(Snowbound) not too steady right now  
(Snowbound) it's fast and a little wild

(TwoPairs) Mmm...  
(TwoPairs) I want you to touch that big chest of yours now

(Snowbound) how  
(Snowbound) tell me how

(TwoPairs) not- not gentle  
(TwoPairs) not soft

(Snowbound) nails?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) a little hard  
(TwoPairs) a little rough  
(TwoPairs) scratching down over your shoulders  
(TwoPairs) into the hair on your chest

(Snowbound) yes...  
(Snowbound) feels so good  
(Snowbound) makes me wanna move my hips

(TwoPairs) soon, sugar  
(TwoPairs) soon

(Snowbound) christ

(TwoPairs) touch it for me... touch your nipple  
(TwoPairs) pretend it's me brushing it with my fingertips  
(TwoPairs) pinching it some  
(TwoPairs) I wonder what I'd hear if I used my mouth...

(Snowbound) god, Rogue

(TwoPairs) Marie

(Snowbound) what?

(TwoPairs) my name  
(TwoPairs) it's Marie  
(TwoPairs) if you're going to say my name like *that*  
(TwoPairs) I want it to be the right one

_Jesus._ That was twice now she'd told him her real name. Nobody else but him. God, he wished he could tell her his... but he couldn't. Not yet.

(Snowbound) it's beautiful, baby  
(Snowbound) it suits you

Pause

(Snowbound) so tell me, Marie  
(Snowbound) tell me what color

(TwoPairs) ?

(Snowbound) your nipples, darlin'  
(Snowbound) what color?

(TwoPairs) umm... dark pink  
(TwoPairs) raspberry  
(TwoPairs) but small  
(TwoPairs) delicate

(Snowbound) god  
(Snowbound) they sound so good  
(Snowbound) my mouth is watering, baby  
(Snowbound) are they standing up for me?

(TwoPairs) what do you think, sugar?

(Snowbound) I think they are  
(Snowbound) I think they're aching some

(TwoPairs) they are

(Snowbound) I think you're touching them  
(Snowbound) not pulling on them or nothing  
(Snowbound) I think you're hurtin so bad for it  
(Snowbound) that you're cupping your whole breast  
(Snowbound) little fingers digging in

(TwoPairs) yes

(Snowbound) back arching a bit  
(Snowbound) beginning to sweat a little  
(Snowbound) not being too gentle  
(Snowbound) but making them feel good

(TwoPairs) *your* hands...  
(TwoPairs) your hands making me feel so good

(Snowbound) you need more than a hard pinch, baby  
(Snowbound) you need a hot wet mouth  
(Snowbound) a real strong suck  
(Snowbound) one you'll feel deep down inside you  
(Snowbound) that tight pull from the pit of your belly  
(Snowbound) to deep between those gorgeous thighs

(TwoPairs) god  
(TwoPairs) yes, sugar, yes  
(TwoPairs) I can't believe I ever teased you about not knowing what to do with a woman

(Snowbound) heh  
(Snowbound) you like that?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) I want you all over me

(Snowbound) I want to put my mouth on you  
(Snowbound) tease you with my tongue  
(Snowbound) my teeth  
(Snowbound) my breath on your wet skin  
(Snowbound) make you shiver  
(Snowbound) I wanna feel you shake  
(Snowbound) feel your nails digging into me

(TwoPairs) I wish you could  
(TwoPairs) I want to do that to you too

God, what he really wanted to do was mark her, make her his. Claim her in the most elemental way a man could claim a woman.

(TwoPairs) I want you to move your hand now, sugar  
(TwoPairs) move it lower  
(TwoPairs) over that washboard stomach

Pause

(TwoPairs) down between your legs

(Snowbound) is that what'd you do if you were here?  
(Snowbound) follow that little trail of hair down?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) I'd have to touch you all over  
(TwoPairs) especially there  
(TwoPairs) I'm so curious about that part of you  
(TwoPairs) I want to make you feel so good

(Snowbound) are you making love to me, darlin'?  
(Snowbound) it feels like you are

(TwoPairs) I'm there with you, sugar  
(TwoPairs) as much as I can be

Pause

(TwoPairs) are you hard?

(Snowbound) fuck yes  
(Snowbound) I have been since you said you thought about me in your mouth  
(Snowbound) your mouth is all sex, baby  
(Snowbound) a fuck-me mouth if I ever saw one  
(Snowbound) and that you wanna put it on me blows my fucking mind  
(Snowbound) I'm so hard I'm dripping a little now

(TwoPairs) dripping?

(Snowbound) happens when I get excited  
(Snowbound) it's clear and a little sweet  
(Snowbound) slippery  
(Snowbound) it's a way of talking with no words  
(Snowbound) my body telling you how much I want you  
(Snowbound) how ready I am to take you

(TwoPairs) god, I want to touch you  
(TwoPairs) stroke yourself for me  
(TwoPairs) slowly... slowly

Logan's eyes closed and his head dropped back as his hand slid down his stomach and stroked his erection lightly. He was unable to hold back a soft growl as his mind pictured Marie touching him so intimately.

(Snowbound) god, Marie

Their responses were coming slower now as their attention was divided between the words on the screen and the sensations those words were creating in their bodies.

(Snowbound) I wanna touch you, darlin'

Pause

(Snowbound) tell me, Marie  
(Snowbound) are you wet for me?  
(Snowbound) is your body ready for mine?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) so wet for you  
(TwoPairs) so ready  
(TwoPairs) I've never felt like this

(Snowbound) felt like what?

(TwoPairs) hungry  
(TwoPairs) wild  
(TwoPairs) I need…

(Snowbound) I know, baby  
(Snowbound) I know  
(Snowbound) I'm so hard it hurts  
(Snowbound) I wanna be inside you  
(Snowbound) all in  
(Snowbound) so deep

(TwoPairs) oh, god  
(TwoPairs) yes, more

(Snowbound) push your finger in your mouth  
(Snowbound) get it nice and wet, darlin'  
(Snowbound) cause I want you to put it inside that beautiful body of yours  
(Snowbound) that's what I'd do  
(Snowbound) that's how I'd hafta touch you  
(Snowbound) kiss you slow and deep while I did it  
(Snowbound) feel your body rise

Marie brought her hand to her mouth, ignoring the pain in her arm. She slowly slid her hand down her stomach. She'd barely brushed her hand over herself when her gaze caught on the bloody scratch on her arm. _God_. This wasn't her. Well, part of it was, but part of it wasn't. She didn't want it to be like this. Not now. Not tonight. Not the first time. Not with any of *him* in her head. She jerked her hands away from her body and typed quickly.

(TwoPairs) no  
(TwoPairs) no more  
(TwoPairs) please, stop

His answer came just as quickly

(Snowbound) you ok?  
(Snowbound) what's wrong?

(TwoPairs) nothing  
(TwoPairs) everything  
(TwoPairs) it's not you

(Snowbound) I'm sorry  
(Snowbound) I thought you wanted this  
(Snowbound) I never wanted to make you uncomfortable

(TwoPairs) NO!  
(TwoPairs) NO it's not you

(Snowbound) talk to me, Marie  
(Snowbound) what's the matter?

(TwoPairs) you know how I told you I felt untouchable?

(Snowbound) yeah

(TwoPairs) well, someone touched me today

Logan felt a hot spike of rage. His knuckles burned as he fought to keep the claws in. He had to keep it together. He needed to be there for her right now. He could lose his shit later.

(Snowbound) who, Marie?  
(Snowbound) who the fuck touched you?  
(Snowbound) tell me goddammit

(TwoPairs) it doesn't matter  
(TwoPairs) you don't know him

(Snowbound) tell me his fucking name

Pause

(TwoPairs) victor

_Sabretooth. Fuck._ Logan's blood ran cold and his hands clenched into fists. _What the hell is Marie doin' anywhere near that animal?_

(TwoPairs) he has some problems with my boss, Charles  
(TwoPairs) there was- there was a fight

(Snowbound) are you ok?  
(Snowbound) please tell me you're ok

Logan's heart was racing. He knew full well what Sabretooth could do. He knew first hand... and the thought of him touching Marie terrified him.

(TwoPairs) I'm ok  
(TwoPairs) It wasn't that kinda touch  
(TwoPairs) a sexual one I mean  
(TwoPairs) at least it wasn't yet

_Oh, God._ He hadn't even considered that. His claws pricked the backs of his knuckles. He was starting to lose it.

(Snowbound) fuck  
(Snowbound) you sure you're ok?

Logan paused to lick the blood from the back of his knuckle. He felt so powerless. It wasn't a feeling he was accustomed to. Rage swirled and seethed inside him, threatening to overtake him. He knew that wasn't what she needed from him right now and thankfully she couldn't see what her admission had done to him. He'd probably scare the shit out of her right now and that was the last thing she needed.

(TwoPairs) yeah  
(TwoPairs) he caught me off guard and grabbed my arm  
(TwoPairs) cut right through the leather  
(TwoPairs) he only touched me a little  
(TwoPairs) Scott got him off before he could hurt me  
(TwoPairs) and I kicked him in the balls after, good and hard

(Snowbound) Jesus  
(Snowbound) that sounds real shitty  
(Snowbound) but good for you for getting in your own shots  
(Snowbound) you're real strong, baby  
(Snowbound) you're not gonna go down without a fight

(TwoPairs) I'm sorry  
(TwoPairs) I mean for earlier  
(TwoPairs) I didn't mean to lead you on or anything  
(TwoPairs) or leave you uncomfortable

(Snowbound) it's nothing  
(Snowbound) it's fine  
(Snowbound) don't worry about me

(TwoPairs) I'm sorry, sugar  
(TwoPairs) I really thought I was ok

(Snowbound) shit  
(Snowbound) you're not ok?

(TwoPairs) I didn't mean it like that  
(TwoPairs) I thought I could deal with it, you know?  
(TwoPairs) I guess it messed with my head a little

(Snowbound) fuck  
(Snowbound) fuckfuckfuck  
(Snowbound) I fucking hate that I can't do anything  
(Snowbound) I can't kick the shit out of that asshole  
(Snowbound) I can't even hold you

What good was he? He was completely worthless to her right now and that was a bitter pill to swallow.

(TwoPairs) no, it's ok  
(TwoPairs) I just need to go

(Snowbound) don't leave

(TwoPairs) I need to go  
(TwoPairs) I don't want to be here like this with you  
(TwoPairs) it's not fair to you

(Snowbound) no  
(Snowbound) it's not like that  
(Snowbound) not with us  
(Snowbound) I'm here for the good and the bad  
(Snowbound) that's our deal

(TwoPairs) I know, sugar  
(TwoPairs) but I can't...  
(TwoPairs) I can't do this now

(Snowbound) please, Marie

(TwoPairs) I need time to think  
(TwoPairs) to work it out in my head  
(TwoPairs) please understand  
(TwoPairs) let me go

(Snowbound) I don't want to

Pause

(Snowbound) you gonna be ok?

(TwoPairs) yes  
(TwoPairs) I'll be fine  
(TwoPairs) I just need time to think  
(TwoPairs) to process

(Snowbound) you'll talk to me soon?  
(Snowbound) I can't stand this  
(Snowbound) I'm not built that way  
(Snowbound) I know it's selfish and I should be thinking of only you but I can't

(TwoPairs) it's alright, sugar  
(TwoPairs) I'll be back soon  
(TwoPairs) not tonight though  
(TwoPairs) later

(Snowbound) I guess I really don't have much of a choice  
(Snowbound) please, please be safe

(TwoPairs) I will  
(TwoPairs) goodnight, sugar

(Snowbound) I love you, Marie

He had to tell her. He had to make sure she knew it.

(TwoPairs) I love you too, sugar  
(TwoPairs) goodnight  
+++++

And just like that she was gone.

* * *

 


	13. On the Road

Four days. He hadn't heard a word from her in four goddamn days. Logan's first reaction was to check the feasibility of leaving sooner than he'd anticipated. He spent a cold afternoon outside fighting both the wet snow and his temper before he realized there was no way he could get the truck out yet. It was just too soon. A nearby stand of trees bore the brunt of his frustration. When he was finished they still stood, but they'd always carry the scars.

The waiting was the worst kind of torture. He wasn't a patient man and he didn't deal well with feeling so powerless. His mind was in turmoil. On one hand, she'd said she was ok, that she just needed time to think. On the other hand, she'd also said she'd be willing to keep things from people she cared about so they wouldn't worry. Logan knew he could always write to Charles, but if he did, his secret would be out. He didn't want Marie to find out that way. He had to be there, in person, to make her understand this whole thing was real and not some game he'd been playing with her. If she heard it from Charles he knew it would end any chance they had together.

_Fuck._

Near the end of the fourth day, Logan was ready to give up his chance with Marie just to know she was ok. Her safety was the most important thing to him. Logan swore and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He'd been doing a lot of thinking in the last four days and he sure as hell hadn't been happy with the conclusion he'd come to. He'd gone over all their conversations in his mind and reread her emails. There was no doubt about it. Marie was on the team.

_Those goddamn self-servin' assholes. What the hell are they thinkin'? And fuck Charles for keepin' that from me._

It all made sense now. All those odd little bits that had always niggled at him clicked into place. She'd said her schedule was erratic, but teachers didn't have unpredictable schedules. She'd said she could fight and shoot. That alone didn't mean anything but coupled with the other things she'd let slip, it meant a whole hell of a lot more. She'd said she had a thing for leather. At the time he'd thought she was referring to gloves not a uniform.

He probably wouldn't have figured it out if it weren't for last night. In her agitated state, she'd let more slip than usual, but he'd been too concerned about her safety to focus on the details... However, in the last four days he'd had more than enough time to think about each and every one of those damning little details.

He recalled how it had taken her a long time to strip for him and she'd said something about the zipper being hard to reach.

_Shit._

He assumed she'd just been wearing some pretty feminine thing that had a hidden zipper or something. Now he knew she was talking about the uniform.

_She's right. That thing's a bitch to get out of._

He distinctly remembered having to contort himself into an awkward position to reach that little ring so he could pull down the zipper.

The most damning thing of all was that she'd said that when Sabretooth had grabbed her arm he'd cut right through the leather. The leather. As in wearing-a-uniform kind of leather. Logan growled low and deep in his chest. If Sabretooth had cut through the leather with his claws he'd most likely cut her too. The growling got louder as his protective instincts kicked in, even though he knew he was unable to do a damn thing about it.

_I'm gonna kill that fucker._

The growling abruptly stopped when he realized what she'd said to him... that it had messed with her head.

_Oh, shit_.

She'd absorbed some of him. That had to be it. No wonder she'd been so aggressive with him. With a snarl, he released his claws, relishing the pain that followed. He studied the blades intently, imagining them sinking deeply into Victor's body. He retracted the claws with a quiet snick and threw himself down heavily into the chair.

He closed his eyes and scrubbed a hand over his face. He knew that the intimate things they'd discussed hadn't been just because of Sabretooth. He knew she wanted him, the same way he wanted her. Sabretooth's presence in her mind must have just made it a little easier for her to tell him what she wanted. The Marie he knew was passionate, but always before she'd preferred he take the lead when it came to intimate discussions. He knew that was more a function of her innocence than a character trait. He knew with certainty that once she experienced lovemaking and became a little more confident in the power she possessed, that she would have no qualms about taking the lead.

Logan swore savagely and resisted the urge to trash the cabin. The waiting was intolerable. He stalked over to the laptop, ready to send Charles an email if there wasn't one from Marie waiting for him. He'd already sent Marie several. In fact he'd sent her one immediately after she'd left their chat. So far she hadn't answered a single one of them. He sat down heavily, holding his breath as he checked his inbox yet again. When this was over he never ever wanted to see another damn laptop as long as he lived. He waited what seemed an eternity, and then finally there it was.

_About damn time._

_God, I'm glad to hear from you, darlin'._

+++++  
(Email)

L,

I'm so sorry it took me so long to come back, sugar. I guess I was a little more rattled than I thought. I'm fine now. I hope I didn't worry you too much. It wasn't just being rattled that kept me away. I'm a little embarrassed about some of the stuff I said. I've never talked like that with anyone. To be honest, I've never even been with a man before. I feel stupid and silly and I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry for everything. I meant what I said, though. I love you, sugar.

Marie  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Marie,

God, darlin'. You don't know how glad I am to hear from you. I was worried outta my damn mind. I hate not being able to see you and hold you and know you're ok.

You don't have anything to feel bad or embarrassed about either. I liked knowing those things, liked hearing what you think about and knowing I make you feel the same things you make me feel. It ain't bad or wrong, darlin'. It's natural to want to touch each other, to want to make each other feel good. We're close in every other way, it makes sense we'd want to be close that way too.

And just for the record, I fucking love that nobody else has ever touched you. If that makes me a possessive asshole then fine, I am one. I love knowing that you want me to be the first... and the last. I love you, darlin'.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Oh, sugar... I'm so sorry I made you worry. I'm ok, really. Thanks for what you said about me being so explicit with you. I do want those things. I want to touch you and hold you and make you feel all the things you make me feel. I just feel a little embarrassed about being so forward, I guess. Maybe I just need a little practice, huh? *grin* About that other thing you mentioned... Just for the record, I don't think you're a possessive asshole. And I do want you to be the first and the last, just like you said.

There was another reason I took a while to answer you. Charles told us all in our last meeting that Logan might be coming back soon. It kinda threw me a little, especially with everything else that was going on. I didn't think he was going to come back. Just so you know, him coming back doesn't have anything to do with the way I feel for you. He will always be an important part of my life, but he and I are just friends. I'm in love with you.

When you come I don't want things to be weird... but people always say that and it always does wind up being weird. I don't know if he's staying for long or just checking in with Charles or what. I just wanted to let you know there's a chance he might be here when you come. If that's a problem maybe I could come see you instead? I have some days coming.

Marie  
+++++

_Yeah, well I ain't too sure how long I'll be stayin' either, after I tell Chuck what I think of him recruitin' you, darlin'. I don't imagine that's gonna go over real well._

+++++  
(Email)

Marie,

God, I'm glad you're back to writing me, darlin'. I was going a little nuts there for a while. As for Logan coming back, well that ain't your fault. As much as I'd like to kick his ass for hurting you, I'm not gonna make a scene. I wouldn't do that to you. And it doesn't matter to me if he's there or not. I ain't coming for him, I'm coming for you. If it's not a problem for you, I want to come like we planned. I love the thought of you here, but no damn way am I waiting until spring break.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

Morning, sugar. I'm glad I'm back to writing you all the time too. I missed you. Waking up to email from you always puts a smile on my face. As for me wanting you to come... I'd want you to come whether Logan's here or not. I doubt he'll want to spend much time with me anyway. I told you, he said his heart belonged to someone else and I'm pretty sure he'd rather spend time with her. So I'm not really worried about it.

So, sugar... that just leaves you and me. Whatever will we do with ourselves? *grin*

Marie  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Marie,

Keep it up, darlin'. More talk like that and you just might melt enough of this snow for me to get the hell outta here. Heh. It's gonna be soon, darlin'. I managed (barely) to make it into town today. It was a long, wet day and I got stuck a few times, but now the cabin's put to bed for the season and I got everything I need to leave here for a while. The pass is still closed so it'll be another day or two at least before I can get out of the valley and on the road, but it won't be long now, darlin'.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

More talk like that, huh? Well that's hard to resist considering all the benefits. *grin* I finished the painting of us in the green light, sugar. It's abstract, like most of my stuff... but you'll know what it is. I get warm every time I look at it. I want you to have it. If you like it, you could hang it in the cabin. I imagine your home to be warm and cozy. I bet it's wild and beautiful, just like you are. I miss you, sugar.

Marie  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

Marie,

I'd love to have anything you painted hanging here. I'm looking forward to seeing it... (among other things) Heh.

You're right about my cabin. It is 'cozy' and rustic to say the least. I'd love for you to see it. I've never brought anyone here before. Honestly, before you, I never wanted to. I can't think of anything I'd like more than to spend a winter being snow bound with you. But as much as I like this place, I can't wait to leave it. The pass was cleared tonight so I'll be on the road in the morning. Expect me in three or four days, depending on the weather and the roads. God, I can't wait to hold you.

L  
+++++

+++++  
(Email)

L,

I can't wait for you to get here, sugar. You still have all the directions and everything? When I told you all that stuff before, I never dreamed you would actually come and see me... Arg! This is awful. Email I mean. Chat with me?

Marie  
+++++

+++++  
(Chat)

(TwoPairs) you here, sugar?

(Snowbound) hey, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I'm here

(TwoPairs) are you ready to go?

(Snowbound) yup, all packed up and good to go  
(Snowbound) got the cabin all buttoned up  
(Snowbound) and new chains for the truck

(TwoPairs) you're not leaving too soon?  
(TwoPairs) I wouldn't want anything to happen to you

(Snowbound) no, it's fine  
(Snowbound) not the best traveling conditions  
(Snowbound) but not dangerous either

(TwoPairs) I can't wait to see you  
(TwoPairs) really SEE you  
(TwoPairs) hold you...

(Snowbound) I know, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I can't wait for that too  
(Snowbound) makes my hands shake and my chest feel warm  
(Snowbound) just the thought of you makes me so damn hard

(TwoPairs) the feeling is more than mutual, sugar

(Snowbound) heh

(TwoPairs) you're really coming right?  
(TwoPairs) you wouldn't say it and not come?

(Snowbound) hell no  
(Snowbound) I wouldn't do that

(TwoPairs) I couldn't bear it  
(TwoPairs) you better come

(Snowbound) I will

(TwoPairs) you promise?

(Snowbound) I promise, darlin'

(TwoPairs) um, about the school  
(TwoPairs) there's something you should know

(Snowbound) it's ok, darlin'  
(Snowbound) I already know  
(Snowbound) it's for 'gifted' kids  
(Snowbound) I've heard of it before

(TwoPairs) really?  
(TwoPairs) ok wow...

Pause

(TwoPairs) umm...  
(TwoPairs) there's more

(Snowbound) just stop, darlin'  
(Snowbound) stop right there  
(Snowbound) there isn't anything you could tell me that would make any difference about the way I feel

(TwoPairs) but...

(Snowbound) no 'buts'  
(Snowbound) we've talked about mutant issues before  
(Snowbound) you know where I stand on it  
(Snowbound) it's fine  
(Snowbound) so whatever it is tell me in three or four days, ok?

(TwoPairs) if you're sure

(Snowbound) I'm sure  
(Snowbound) besides I have some things to tell you too  
(Snowbound) I don't want to talk here  
(Snowbound) like this

(TwoPairs) no more words?

(Snowbound) yeah  
(Snowbound) no more words

Pause

(Snowbound) I just wanna hold you tight and talk to you that way  
(Snowbound) when I can hear you breathe and smell your hair  
(Snowbound) and feel your heart beating against mine  
(Snowbound) whatever we have to say can wait until then

(TwoPairs) ok, sugar  
(TwoPairs) that sounds good

(Snowbound) I need to get some sleep, darlin'  
(Snowbound) it's gonna be a long drive

(TwoPairs) yeah, you're gonna need all the sleep you can get *grin*  
(TwoPairs) I don't think you'll be getting a whole lot here...

(Snowbound) god, Marie  
(Snowbound) you sure as hell know how to make a man hurry

(TwoPairs) drive safe

(Snowbound) will do  
(Snowbound) love you darlin'

(TwoPairs) I love you too, sugar  
(TwoPairs) goodnight  
+++++

* * *

 


	14. Break Me

Logan killed the engine and took a deep breath. He scrubbed a hand tiredly over his face. He was exhausted. While his healing factor alleviated the worst of his physical exhaustion, it did nothing for his mind. He was drained from staying alert and reactive these last four days on the road; in addition to all the agonizing he'd done over Marie and what her reaction to him was going to be. Now that he was finally here, he seemed frozen in place. That wasn't like him. In general, he faced things head on. That he felt apprehensive showed how deeply his feelings ran and how concerned he was that things would go badly. Screwing up his courage, he got out of the truck and slung his pack over his shoulder.

_Get a move-on, bub._

He slammed the door and pocketed the keys before turning toward the mansion.

He'd caught a glimpse of her on the way in, waiting on a bench in the garden watching the gates just like Charles had described so long ago. She'd seen the truck come in, but she couldn't see him from here. She would soon enough, though. The path from the garage through the garden to the mansion was both too short and not long enough. His heart pounded as he walked up the trail towards Marie. To her. To the unknown. To the future.

He saw her first. She was sitting on a bench in the late afternoon sun looking more beautiful than he ever imagined. She was wearing a long skirt that fluttered a little in the breeze and a tight t-shirt topped with a fitted denim jacket. Boots peeked out from under the hem of the skirt and her hands were encased in brown leather gloves. Logan's mouth went dry and he felt a warm glow in his chest followed by a familiar tightening in his groin.

_Christ. Get a grip._

He hitched his pack up higher and steeled himself for what was coming. He approached her, trying for an air of casual nonchalance. He was the Wolverine, dammit. He could, and would, do this with his dignity intact.

_Fuck. Breathe, bub._

He could tell the instant she saw him. Her body language changed slightly. Not quite so open and a little more guarded than it had been a moment before. She smiled warmly at him but her eyes flicked back to the gates looking for 'Snowbound'.

_God, I love you for that, darlin'._

If he had any last reservations, they died right there.

"Hey, kid."

"Hey." Her voice was soft with just a hint of that accent he remembered so well.

Logan struggled to control his breathing. He felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest. He wanted to talk to her, to explain everything right then and there, but he couldn't. Not yet. He didn't want an audience or any interruptions. Unfortunately, that meant he had some things to take care of first. Not only that, but he'd spent the last eighteen hours behind the wheel and the night before that sleeping in the truck when he got caught unexpectedly in a storm. He mentally added a shower to his list of things to do.

"Missed ya."

"You did?" Something that might have been surprise flickered over her face for an instant, but the smile was still there just like always. She was the only one who did that and it made him feel more at home than anything anyone else could have done.

"Yup. You gonna be around later? I'm just on my way in. You know the drill. Chuck and his whole welcome wagon thing." That earned him another smile.

"I remember." There was a hint of amusement in her voice. "And yes, I'll be around."

He nodded briefly. "Good." He turned to go. "Later, kid."

"Later."

He walked up the path watching her out of the corner of his eye. She'd already turned her attention back to the gates and hadn't looked back at him once. That simple gesture told him more than any words could have. Smiling to himself, he quickened his pace. He didn't want to keep her waiting any longer than he absolutely had to.

After a quick stop in Charles's office for the requisite welcome, he made his way up to his new room. Logan had decided against mentioning he knew Marie was on the team just yet. That would open the door to too many questions he had no intention of answering right now. That conversation could wait for a more appropriate time - like when Marie wasn't waiting on him. His anger over that subject of Marie being on the team simmered at a slow burn, but all good predators knew how to choose their moment. Now was not the time.

He opened the door to his room. It was elegant without being ornate, much like his old room had been. He tossed his pack into the chair and stripped out of his clothes before heading to the shower. He felt himself relax under the hot cascade of water as he let the heat sink into his bones. He closed his eyes and braced his hands on the cool tiles, giving in to the exhaustion just a little. Behind his closed eyes, visions of Marie tormented his weary senses.

Like it always did, his body made its need for her known, but he ignored his erection as he stepped from the shower and toweled himself dry with his usual efficiency. Tossing the towel over the shower door, he padded naked to his pack and pulled out some clean clothes.

He was about to get dressed when he noticed two beautifully wrapped packages on the desk.

_What the... ? Oh, yeah. Right. The Christmas presents._

Unmindful of his nudity, he retrieved the two gifts from the dresser and brought them to the bed. He sat there a long time just turning them over in his large hands. Nobody had ever given him a present before. Not in any of the years he could remember. He touched the wrapping reverently for a long moment before he broke into a wide grin. With the enthusiasm of a child, he tore into the most recent one. An elegant leather-bound volume fell into the bed. He picked it up and turned it over. It had a small simple brass nameplate on the cover engraved with last year's date.

Curious, he opened the book. A slip of paper fell out. Logan picked it up and read the note written in Marie's pretty scrawl.

_You are a man without a past no longer._   
_Marie_

He flipped through the pages, stunned by what he saw. It was filled with photographs, not just of Marie, but of everyone here at the school. The first photo was of his dog tags and the second was of Marie on the day he'd left the school so long ago. There were pictures of the school, pictures of her friends, of Charles and the others. There were photos of Jean and Scott's wedding and of Marie's road trip during spring break. Those were followed by pictures of graduation and the party that came afterwards. There were more photos... Marie with the other women dressed up for one of the school's formal fundraisers, Marie with 'Ro in what had to be her first time in her black leather uniform.

Logan sucked in a deep breath as he continued to slowly turn the pages. There were silly ones of snowball fights in the winter and serious ones of the team returning, bloody and battered, but victorious. Some were posed and others wonderfully candid. There were pictures of birthdays and holidays and trips they'd taken to out of the way places. He came to the end of the album and noticed there was an empty spot where the last picture would fit. A place for him.

His chest felt tight. "Jesus, darlin'," he whispered, as he closed the album and ran his finger slowly over the engraved date on the front. She'd given him a past. He was shell-shocked. He sat back on the bed, overwhelmed by her gift.

It was a long time before he reached for the second package with unsteady hands. This was the one she'd given him the first Christmas after he'd left. He knew instinctively this gift was going to be more intimate than the last one. Again, he was unable to contain his childlike enthusiasm as he tore the paper and opened the box. His fingers brushed against something soft.

_Flannel? Shirts?_

It wasn't at all what he'd expected.

He pushed back the tissue and pulled the contents out into his lap. Logan sat dumbstruck. It wasn't shirts. It was a quilt. There was no mistaking the scent all over it. She'd made him this quilt. With a quick flick of his wrists he spread it out over the bed. Marie's pure sweet scent washed over him as the flannel came to rest warmly over his naked body. There was no discernible pattern, it was a random patchwork of earth-toned flannel scraps, greens and browns mixed with rusts and golds. It reminded him of autumn sunlight streaming through the forest canopy. Logan didn't know much about presents and he knew even less about quilts, but he knew this had to have taken her a long time to finish. There were so many tiny stitches, so many little pieces.

He couldn't keep his hands from stroking the soft surface. His hand brushed against something on the back of the quilt as he pulled it up higher over his body. He flipped the corner over and saw a small label sewn onto the back. Logan looked closer. Written on it was the date and a few words in her distinctive hand.

_For Logan,_   
_To warm the body_   
_and the heart_   
_Made with love_   
_Marie_

His eyes burned. He lay back and threw an arm over his face, drawing in a ragged breath. Her soft scent surrounded him. He drew in another deep breath and then another, letting her scent soothe him. His other hand rubbed the quilt absently. He'd never owned anything like this. He'd never had anything that showed someone cared about him. Tangible proof that he too, was loveable. Logan knew he should get up and go find Marie, but he was fighting a losing battle with exhaustion. The relaxing shower and the soft bed under him combined with the soft warm quilt covering him and the heady comforting scent of Marie was too much to resist. Logan closed his eyes, telling himself he would just relax another minute before he got up.

It was dark when Logan awoke. He jerked awake, disoriented for a moment before Marie's scent brought him back.

_The school. New room. Marie's scent. Oh, shit. Marie._

Logan's eyes flew to the clock.

_Dammit._

It was almost seven.

_Three hours. Three goddamn hours._

He was still tired, but he was no longer completely exhausted.

He hurried to get everything done in the minimum amount of time. Bathroom, brushing teeth, dressing, wallet, keys, gloves. Logan stopped and took a minute to fold the quilt neatly and lay it across the foot of the bed before picking up the album and setting it down carefully on the desk. They were among his most treasured possessions and he wouldn't risk damaging them, even if he was in a hurry.

Careful to avoid everyone, Logan tracked Marie's scent to a small study. It was quiet and private but it had a large window with a view of the gates. Marie was standing by the window with one hand holding the curtain to the side. He stepped silently into the softly lit room and closed the door behind him.

Lost in thought, Marie didn't even notice his presence.

_Where are you, sugar?_

She felt like an idiot when realized that she didn't even know his real name. She'd thought of him as 'L' for so long and had been so excited about finally seeing him without a screen between them that she'd completely forgotten to ask.

_God, what if something's happened to him? He could be hurt and I won't even know._

She wouldn't even begin to know where to start looking or even who to inquire about. It made her feel foolish and stupid. She'd given him her phone number for emergencies but he hadn't called. He'd sent an email from his hotel in Saskatoon and another brief note from Minneapolis, but she hadn't heard anything in two days.

Her shoulders slumped.

_Please, please be ok._

Logan could smell the worry on her and he felt a hot rush of anger at himself for putting her through this. He crossed the room and came to stand behind her. He breathed in her scent deeply and fought to keep his voice even.

"You don't hafta keep lookin' for him, Marie." His voice was soft and low. At the sound of his voice, Marie turned, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "He ain't comin', darlin', 'cause he's already here."

Marie's eyes searched his face and traveled down over his body. When she saw the gloves on his hands the hair on the back of her neck stood up on end. Why would he do _that_? He never wore them with her. _Never_. A sickening sense of dread built in her stomach. Her eyes flicked back to his face and what she saw there shook her to her very core. Love. Hope. Pain. Anxiety. Tenderness. Desire. Shaking her head slowly, she opened her mouth but no sound came out. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself and took a step back.

"No." It was a whisper, a plea, a curse. "Oh, please, no." She was still backing away, shaking her head in utter disbelief. Her eyes filled up.

"Yes." He met her eyes and she saw the truth reflected there. Logan could smell the confusion and pain rolling off her in waves. It hurt more than he ever imagined it would to see her like that. "S'me, kid." He didn't have any fancy words now, just the simple truth.

He saw it stab deep and that gutted him.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurtcha. It just got away from me so fast, baby. So fast."

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep shuddering breath. When she opened her eyes he saw she was again in control. The confusion was gone, replaced by a sad, resigned look. Logan thought that look was even worse than the one before and that simple gesture told him how much she'd grown from the wild young girl he'd left here two years ago. Her world was crashing down around her and yet she faced him and all of his ugly truths with grace. He'd been anticipating anger or tears, but this profound sadness was infinitely worse.

Marie struggled to keep her composure, struggled to keep the shock and pain from overwhelming her. Her heart was beating too hard inside her chest and she felt like all the light inside her was slowly dying. She should have known. Some people were just not meant to know that kind of love. She had hoped to escape it. To find a love beyond obligation. To find love outside her mutation and to have true passion without pity or responsibility clouding it. She thought for a time she could escape her fate, but such was not to be. She would always be alone. This couldn't be anything other than some horrible, twisted joke. It couldn't possibly be real. Drawing on some inner courage she wasn't even aware she had, Marie spoke only one word.

"Why?"

Why would he do that to her?

_Why?_

Logan heart twisted painfully in his chest at her tone. She sounded so... broken. He met her eyes. "I told you why, darlin'. I wanted you to want me, just for me." His voice was quiet and rough as though the very act of speaking was painful. "Not because I saved ya or because you needed someone to look out for ya. I loved givin' you that but I wanted you to love the real me without all that other stuff."

Her voice was tinged with disbelief. "But- but you lied. That wasn't you."

Anger spiked hotly inside him. There was a heat in his eyes now that bled through into his voice. "I never lied to you. Never."

She was still shaking her head. "Age? Birthday? Name?" She ticked them off on her fingers, letting a little of her own anger seep through. Her eyes narrowed at him. "Beard?"

Wordlessly he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and handed it to her. "Go on. Look."

Marie flipped it open, her eyes catching on his license.

_James Logan. Brown hair. Hazel eyes. Date of birth, April first._

She looked at the year and rapidly did the math in her head.

_Age 37._

Her eyes flicked back to his.

"I never lied to you, darlin'," he said softly, taking the wallet from her numb fingers and tucking it back in his pocket. He looked away and ran his hand over his jaw. "Not once. And I shaved this off before we talked that night." He met her eyes again. "I never lied to you, Marie. Not a single time. Not _ever_." His quiet earnest words chipped away at her anger and soothed some of the terrible ache inside her chest. He saw a flicker of surprise in her eyes at his soft admission but the look was quickly swallowed by something darker as her mind began the overwhelming task of trying to mesh 'Logan' and 'Snowbound' into one person. Hurt flared again in her eyes as a new thought occurred to her.

"But you're not... You want Jea-" She broke off and started again. "You said your heart belonged to someo-"

He cut her off. "I know what I said." His voice softened. "That was a long time ago. I ain't excusin' it, but there's more to it than that." He looked away for a moment and then met her eyes again. "The truth is I woke up hurtin' and her... " he paused. "Her hands were all over me when I was comin' out of it." Marie's eyes widened at that. "I remember askin' 'bout you right off. Makin' sure you were ok."

Marie nodded. Logan realized she must have heard that part too. "When I woke up I was feelin' all messed up. She'd given me somethin' strong, a sedative to keep me down to help the healin'. I wasn't thinkin' too good just then. I just kept on thinkin' I wanted somethin' to make that empty feeling go away. A woman - any woman." He looked away.

Logan exhaled heavily. "I was weak. I said what I said because I wanted somethin' to replace the pain." His eyes, warm and intense, slid back to hers. "I don't want her. I want you." He took a step closer to her. "Go ahead. Touch my skin and see for yourself." His quiet, heartfelt words touched her deeply.

"It- it doesn't work that way." A tender look touched her features briefly. "Besides, I wouldn't do that. Hurt you like that, I mean. Not again."

"You never hurt me. Not like you mean." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "How did you even hear all that shit, darlin'?"

She blushed. "I was worried about you. I sat with you in the med lab as much as Jean would allow, talking to you and holding your hand. When she kicked me out, I'd sit in the hall outside. I still had a lot of you in my head. The hearing and senses and stuff. I-I heard it." She looked away. "I wasn't trying to listen in. It just happened." He could her the misery in her voice.

His heart lurched at the loyalty and love she'd shown him even then. Right from the beginning. He had been a damned fool.

Logan nodded and reached out to pull her into his embrace. Marie pulled away and backed up a step into the wall.

"Don't pull away from me, Marie." Logan knew if he didn't reach her now he never would. He took a deep breath and dropped all his carefully built defenses, laying his soul bare to her. His words were soft and quiet. "Please don't pull away, darlin'. It would break me."

His soft humble admission moved her beyond words.

"All those things I shared with you - that's who I am. The man inside the Wolverine. The part of me I protect from the world. I never shared that stuff with anyone before and I won't again." He took a step closer and touched her cheek gently, but he wouldn't take his eyes off the floor. Shame gripped him strongly. He'd hurt her terribly.

"I know you're hurt and angry - feelin' like you can't trust me, but I'm still the same man you talked to all those nights. Just-" He gestured to his body with one hand. "Just a different outside than you were expectin'. I'm the same inside - where it matters." He lifted his eyes, wanting her to see the truth there. "I am your Snowbound. I'm just... more, too."

Marie's eyes filled with tears. "But-"

Logan pulled her into his arms. This time she didn't resist, but she didn't return his embrace either. "Close your eyes, darlin'." Marie closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, like she'd dreamed of doing so many times before. It hurt so much that the one person she thought could offer her solace was also the same person causing her so much pain. Logan held her that way a long time before he spoke.

"I am him, darlin'. I'm the man who knows you like the taste of beer and the scent of cigar smoke. The man who knows you like gardenias and orange blossoms not roses. The man who owes you some singin' and dancin' in exchange for some strawberry rhubarb pie." He smiled briefly against her hair at that memory. "The man who understands the paintin' of us in the torch - and you're right. We did live." He ignored her soft gasp and continued on, encouraged as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm the man who replayed memories of you in his head to get him through the nights when the nightmares were so bad he woke up terrified and shakin'." Her arms tightened around him. His voice dropped, becoming warmer, huskier. "The man who knows your nipples are the color of raspberries. The man you said you wanted inside you. The man whose first and last wakin' thought is of you."

He pulled her closer still and pressed his lips against her hair. "I'm the man in love with you, darlin'." His voice was rough with emotion and he could feel her tears seeping through his shirt.

Marie's breath hitched at his words and Logan could feel her slight form trembling against his more powerful one. His hands shook too. When she said nothing he was afraid his heartfelt words hadn't been enough, that it was too late. That he'd hurt her too deeply for her to ever forgive what he'd done. His shoulders dropped and his head bowed, all the fight gone from his powerful body. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, darlin'. I'll go if that's whatcha want." There was nothing for him here without her.

Marie struggled to get the words out past the lump in her throat. "No." She held him tightly and pressed a soft kiss to his chest, just over his heart. "Don't go. That- that would break me."

"Marie?"

She pressed her cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. "I'm surprised and still a little hurt, but I love you, Logan. I always have. First as a savior then as a friend and now as a man, as a lover."

"Marie, I-"

She put a gloved finger to his lips. "Shhh, sugar. No more words."

He nodded and kissed her fingertips before they wrapped their arms around each other once again, content to simply close their eyes and feel.

* * *

 


	15. Truth and Innuendo

Logan and Marie continued to hold each other, enjoying the simple pleasure of physical touch until life at the mansion began to intrude. On the other side of the door, sounds of the residents returning from their after dinner activities could clearly be heard. It was only a matter of time before they were interrupted.

Reluctantly, Marie pulled away from Logan and smiled up at him. "Can we, um, not do the rest of this here? I don't want to have to explain all this to anyone. Not tonight."

"Sure, darlin'. You wanna go upstairs? To my room?" He smiled at the look of confusion on her face. "My new room," he clarified with a soft chuckle. The look on her face changed. "Whoa. Not that- I didn't mean... Christ." Logan scrubbed a hand over his face. "Look, I ain't expectin' anythin'. I know me bein' me and not 'Snowbound' is a shock and you're gonna need some time gettin' usedta that. It's fine. You can be mad at me as long as you wanna. I deserve it. It's just I told Chuck that I didn't want anyone botherin' me, so I'm pretty sure nobody'll disturb us there. Not unless they're stupid enough to want a claw up the-"

Logan broke off at Marie's soft laugh.

"What?" His defensive tone was belied by the teasing look on his face.

"Nothing, sugar," she said with a smile.

God, he loved the way she said that.

Sugar.

"Say it again." His voice was low and husky and he watched with satisfaction as her eyes darkened and her scent changed a little.

_Heh. Just 'cause I ain't expectin' anythin' from her doesn't mean I'm gonna hide how I feel 'bout her. Hell no. I want her to know exactly how much I want her._

He wasn't going to push her into anything she wasn't ready for, she was shocked and hurt and she needed time, but he wanted her to be fully aware of both his love and his more base carnal desires.

"You like that, _sugar_?" Her voice was throaty and low as she put a little emphasis on that last word. She caught his hand in hers and stroked her finger over his palm and up the inside of his wrist. Apparently, she too wanted to reaffirm they had moved beyond 'just friends'. She gave his hand a little tug and took a step towards the door. It felt good taking the lead little now, taking back a little of the power it felt like she'd lost. She wasn't a child or a girl with a crush. She was a woman who knew her own mind and heart. She felt a little bruised and was still probably in shock a little, but she knew what she wanted. "You coming?"

_Interestin' choice of words, baby._

A man would have to be dead not to hear the innuendo in that. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Comin' right behind ya, darlin'."

_A little innuendo back atcha. Heh._

Thankfully, they made it back upstairs without having to stop and talk to anyone, although that probably had more to do with the dark look on Logan's face than with a lack of curiosity on the part of the mansion's residents. Once inside his room, Logan closed the door and locked it. He knew some kind of 'Big Talk' was coming and he wanted to be prepared. That meant no interruptions, especially of the redheaded variety. He hadn't seen Jean yet and he wasn't looking forward to it.

Logan dropped his keys on the dresser and turned to look at Marie who was hovering shyly near the doorway. "Make yourself comfortable, kid." He crossed the room and came to stand next to her. His overwhelmingly masculine presence made her feel small and feminine and utterly aware of him - and herself - in a way she hadn't ever been before. There was a tension, an energy crackling between them, not unlike like the moment before dry tinder flashed into flames.

"Marie?"

Marie looked up at him, feeling like she'd suddenly gained a new 'gift'- the ability to be completely aware of Logan's body and her each and every reaction to it. "Sorry, sugar. I'm a little-"

"Don't be nervous. It's just me."

He remembered saying that to her online once.

"It's not nerves." A hint of color crept across her cheeks. She'd said that to him once, too.

_Oh. Heh._

A smug smile tugged at the corner of his sensual mouth as he remembered the rest of that conversation.

"So that's what flutterpation smells like, huh?"

He chuffed with amusement when she thumped his arm. The playful touch electrified him.

She fidgeted with her gloves and looked away from his intense stare. "There's some things you don't know. We- we need to talk." The words poured out of her in a rush.

He nodded. "We can talk all night if you wanna, but let's just get comfortable, ok?"

"Um, ok." Marie slid off her denim jacket and put it over the back of the chair on top of his leather one.

His eyes widened slightly at the way her fitted t-shirt clung to her ample curves. He'd always had a particular fondness for breasts. It was a look of appreciation, not a leer. There was just something about them he found irresistible. A slow smile spread across his face.

_Goddamn. She looks amazin'._

He swallowed hard and turned away before things got out of hand. Now was not the time.

Logan sat down on the bed and pulled off his boots and socks. He moved backwards until his back came to rest against the headboard. Marie still hadn't moved from her position by the door.

_That's it. This awkward shit has gotta go._

"Look, darlin', I ain't one to dance around somethin'. You know that." He waited for her nod. "I don't want you feelin' uncomfortable or skittish around me any more."

_Big curious eyes._

"Yeah, I wanna talk to you and I think we'd be most comfortable doing that here - in bed."

_Bigger eyes now._

"I ain't gonna pretend like I don't wanna make love to you, 'cause I do. In fact, I've thought about doin' it right here - in this bed - but I ain't gonna 'cause the timin' ain't right. I hurt you and you need time to get over that, time to feel like you can trust in me. Time to let all of this just settle some. There's nothin' wrong with that. It ain't just you, either. We both need time. Feelin' all this stuff is new for me too. I ain't done this any more times than you, you know?"

_Cute blush ontoppa big eyes. Heh._

"So, just get comfortable and c'mon over here, ok?"

"Ok." He could see her body language change just like that. Hell, if he'd known it was going to be that easy he would have said something earlier. She walked over to the bathroom. "I'll just be a minute."

Logan noticed that while she'd moved the door shut a little, she hadn't closed it all the way. He liked that she felt comfortable enough to do that. He didn't like the idea of closed doors of any kind between them. He heard a flush and the water in the sink running before his sharp hearing detected the soft rasp of fabric against skin. The door opened. He sucked in a breath at the sight of her when she emerged from the bathroom. She'd taken her hair down and she had her boots and socks in her hands.

"I hope this is ok. You said to get comfortable."

Logan could only nod as he watched her cross the room carrying her things in front of her. On the way by the bed she picked up his boots and put them with hers by the chair where he'd tossed his pack earlier. He didn't care if it made him the biggest pansy in the world. Seeing her small boots sitting next to his larger ones gave him a warm rush of contented satisfaction.

He watched intently as she bent over and put some things on the chair next to his pack. The socks and the scarf were easy enough to identify, but there was something pale green in there too. One of her socks fell to the floor and as she bent to pick it up the seat of her skirt pulled tight across her supple curves.

_Ummm. No panty lines. That means either no panties or a thong._

Either way was fine with him. His body's reaction was immediate and intense.

_No chance she's gonna miss that. Not in these jeans._

It didn't matter. He wasn't about to hide it or apologize for it. He wanted her to be aware of the effect she had on him.

He adjusted himself casually, waiting as Marie stripped off her gloves and added them to the pile. When she turned around he sucked in a sharp breath as he realized that the flash of pale green he'd seen must have been her bra. He could see the faint shadow of her nipples and underneath her fitted t-shirt now, her full breasts swayed gently as she settled herself on the bed. She smiled at him and tucked her feet up under her skirt.

_Heh_.

Even her toes were cute with their green painted nails. Her hair was falling in soft waves around her face and shoulders. He liked it up, but this was better. She looked softer, more relaxed now. He was surprised she'd taken off her gloves. What was he to make of that, he wondered? Was it honestly more comfortable? Did she want the option of defending herself if she had to? That idea was disturbing. That was a lot of naked skin for her. Maybe she wanted him to know she trusted him enough to be vulnerable with him. To show him a side of herself she didn't share with other people. A part of him wondered if maybe there wasn't a message in there too. No gloves meant no touching. She didn't need to worry. He wasn't in a rush.

_Slow and easy, baby. Everythin' you want and nothin' you don't._

"You're right, sugar. I feel much better this way." She smiled impishly at him. "You look pretty relaxed too." Her eyes traveled down his body and widened when they reached his hips. "Mostly."

"And just whose fault do you think that is, darlin?" He teased.

"I didn't do anything," she teased back.

"I know. You don't have to." She blushed and he grinned. A change of subject was urgently needed or he was going to lose what was left of his mind. Logan tossed her a pillow and scooted down until he was lying on his side with his head propped up on one hand. "So, you ready for that Big Talk now?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"This thing you wanna tell me, is this 'bout you bein' on the team? 'Cause I already know 'bout that and I don't wanna talk about it right now." He could feel his blood pressure climb just thinking about it.

If she was surprised, she didn't show it.

"Um, no."

"What is it then, baby?" He reached out with a gloved hand and gently stroked her leg, unable to keep from touching her.

"It's about this." Marie reached her ungloved hand out toward Logan. He stared at her intently, but didn't flinch or pull away. Her fingers hovered over his lips for a long moment before she gently cupped his cheek in her palm and brushed her thumb over his lips. He closed his eyes and turned his face into the touch, fully expecting to feel the draw but instead he felt nothing. Just her warm, soft hand touching him.

"Surprise," she said softly. Her heart swelled in her chest and tears glittered in her eyes as she realized that he'd been willing to be with her even when he thought she was untouchable.

_Oh, Logan._

He kept his eyes closed and his face turned into her hand for a long moment. When she moved to pull her hand away he caught it with his and pressed it back to his cheek, kissing her palm gently. He never thought he'd get to feel her bare skin on his and he wanted to savor the moment as long as he could. When he opened his eyes they were wet and full of emotion. "I'm real happy for you, darlin," he said quietly, pressing another kiss against her palm before turning her loose.

Logan was at a loss for words as his mind tried to wrap itself around the ramifications of what she'd just revealed. He'd been more than willing to give up touch if it meant he got to be with her. His intelligent, creative mind had come up with all sorts of ways to get around her skin and now, in an instant, everything had changed - drastically. She'd always been able to catch him off guard, but this was almost overwhelming. He had so much to say - to ask - he didn't know where to start.

"It's kinda a lot to take in all at once, huh?"

He nodded, pulling off the gloves he'd been wearing and tossing them on the bedside table. "Why? Why the gloves outside and downstairs?"

She should have known he'd ask about that even before he asked how it was possible. How like him to ask the hard questions first. She looked away from his intense gaze and plucked at the hem of her skirt.

His big, warm hand covered hers and squeezed it gently. "C'mon, darlin'. Talk to me. Anythin' and everythin'. That was our deal." His hand was now slowly stroking hers. It was a curiously novel experience. Sensual and intimate. In the past when he was with a woman, he generally went for the more obvious erogenous zones; breasts, groin, nape of the neck. It wasn't gentle or sweet. If he grabbed a woman's hand, it was usually either to pin her wrist down, or for leverage. He was wholly unprepared for the intimate pleasure of exploring her small, soft hand and feeling her explore his fingers and palm in return.

"They don't know."

"What?" He couldn't believe it.

_You gotta be shittin' me._

"They, um- they don't exactly know. I never told them."

"Nobody? Not even Chuck?"

Her mouth turned up a little at the 'Chuck'. "No. Just you."

He laced his fingers with hers. "How come, darlin'?"

She took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "I didn't want to have to answer a bunch of questions about the 'how'. Plus, I kinda like that it keeps them away a little. It's like my own electrified fence. I've just not wanted to turn it off with anyone except for you."

He nodded at that.

_Perfectly good reasons, both of 'em._

He used his gruff appearance much the same way. "You mind tellin' me 'bout the 'how' part?" She tensed a little at that. "The good and the bad, remember?" He prompted softly even though he could tell from her body language that he probably wasn't going to like her answer a whole lot.

"Um, ok." She looked down at her hands. "It's kinda like one of those doors that can swing both ways, you know?" Logan nodded. "When my- when it, um, manifested... all I wanted was for it to stop, to go away." He squeezed her hand reassuringly when she paused. "It was like the more I pushed on one side of the door the more it fought me on the other. The harder I pushed to control it the harder it pushed back, refusing to be controlled."

Logan nodded. Equal force on both sides of a door wouldn't do either side a damn bit of good.

"So, one day I just quit pushing on my side." She didn't say the words but he could clearly hear them. She'd given up. At some point she'd had absolutely no hope or desire to control it any longer. Logan's heart ached for her.

"What day was that?" He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach he already knew what the answer to that question was going to be.

"My eighteenth birthday. I thought... Well, never mind what I thought-"

"You thought I was comin' for you." It was a statement not a question. She wouldn't look at him, but she didn't tell him 'no' either. Logan figured that was probably all the answer he was going to get.

_Jesus, darlin'._

The thought of her giving up on the possibility of ever being touched simply because she thought he didn't want her, tore at his heart. He pulled her down next to him and wrapped his arms around her. "I ain't like that. I wouldn't take advantage of that. We gotta deep bond. Always have. I wouldn't use a birthday to trade on that just so I could get with you."

"I know. I know that, now." Her words were muffled against his chest. "I realize that now. We hardly even knew each other then." She took a ragged breath. "I was young and stupid and hurt." Her voice caught. "I did a lot of thinking that year and realized a lot of things. Mostly I realized that just because we have this deep thing between us didn't mean it was some magical ticket for a storybook romance." She hugged him a little tighter and buried her face in the crook of his neck. "And somewhere in all that thinking and 'not pushing' the door just opened."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, sugar. Just like that. No conquering insurmountable odds, no weeks and weeks of slowly learning to control it. It was as simple as flipping a switch. It's either on or off. It's not even hard. Kinda anticlimactic isn't it?"

"Well now... I wouldn't exactly say that."

_Heh. Good one, bub._

Against his chest, Marie laughed quietly.

_Yup, she thinks so too. Heh. I gotta admit I love hearin' that laugh._

"Logan?"

"What is it, baby?"

"Would it be ok to take a nap here? With you I mean. I'm kinda worn out with all the waiting and the not sleeping and the shock of you being... well, you."

"That'd be real nice. I'd like that a lot. I haven't slept much in the last few days either." He paused. "I got this real soft quilt." Marie could hear the smile in his voice. "If you're real nice, I might be willin' to share it with ya."

"Sounds good to me, sugar."

Untangling himself from Marie, Logan sat up and turned out the light before reaching for the quilt. Giving it a shake, he spread it out over the two of them and lay back down.

"That alright?"

"Mmmm." Marie snuggled into him.

"I'll take that as a yes." Logan closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Marie's small supple body pressed so close. "Marie?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to thank you for the presents. I, uh... well, I never got one before and-"

"Never?"

_He's never had a single present?_

Marie's heart went out to him.

"No. I'm not really the present gettin' kinda guy." He was quiet a moment. "I just wanted to say thanks, 'cause I really liked 'em. They made me feel real good. Wanted. I don't have anythin' for you though. I shoulda-"

Marie placed her fingers over his lips. "That's not why you give presents. Not to get something back. I wanted you to have those things because I care about you."

"That's real sweet of you, Marie." He paused and when he spoke again a hint of that childlike enthusiasm colored his words. "I like presents." Logan could feel her smile against his chest.

"Well, I like giving you presents." Marie made a mental note to surprise him with presents often.

They lay there for a while in a comfortable silence as they listened to the slow even sound of each other's breathing. Under her cheek, Logan's heart beat steady and strong. Marie's hand came up and slowly stroked over his powerful chest in sleepy random patterns.

"Logan?"

"Yeah, darlin'?"

Her little fingers crept up to his jaw and her fingertip slid over his lips and chin before she cupped his face in her palm, rubbing it gently against the thick hair.

"Did you really shave all this off?"

She could feel him smile against her fingers.

"Yeah."

"I think I feel a little cheated."

"'Cause you feel like I tricked ya some?"

"Well maybe a little of that. Mostly I just feel cheated because I didn't get to see you clean shaven."

"You'd wanna see that?"

"Sure, wouldn't you?"

"No. I did see it. It wasn't anythin' to write home about, believe me."

She giggled. "No, I meant what if I told you I'd shaved and then didn't let you see."

He chuffed softly. "You don't have a beard."

"Yes I do." The suggestive lilt in her voice told him exactly what she'd meant by that. A hot tingle raced under his skin.

"Oh. Gotcha." Marie...all bare and smooth. Soft and pink and _wet_. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.

"Wouldn't you feel cheated if you didn't get to see?"

"Hell, yes." He smiled down at her. "Point taken." A sigh left him. "Wanna make a deal?"

"What kind of a deal?"

"Next winter. If you wanna be snowbound with me up there…. I'll shave it for you then." She loved that he was thinking of a future with her in it. She wanted that too.

"If? There's no 'if'. I do want that. I want that so much." She did want to be snowbound with him. "And, well, you do kind of owe me…" she teased. "You'd really do that?"

"Sure. Nobody but you would see it."

"You didn't say anything about me shaving for you. That was our deal. I can't expect anything from you unless I'm ready to give you the same. Fair is fair."

"Jesus," he muttered, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I'm tryin' to be good here, baby."

"Don't."

"Fine then. You and me. The cabin. Next winter. Razors at twenty paces. You can do me. Then I'll do you."

She giggled. "Are we still talking about shaving?"

"Heh. Dirty girl."

"I am."

"Lucky me."

"You really want me with you all winter?"

"I want you with me all the time. Winter. Summer. Pumpin' gas. Eatin' breakfast. Goin' to bed. Drivin'. Readin' a fuckin' book. The whole nine yards, kid."

He could tell she was taking that in real deep. Good. She needed to. He had a lot to make up for.

She turned that over for a few minutes. "I'm glad. It's that way for me too." It made him smile that she took those words on their face; that she didn't ask him if he really meant them. She knew he did. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure."

"How come you don't want to talk about me being on the team?"

She felt him tense a little.

"Truth?"

"Yeah."

"Because I feel like we need to get right with each other first. That's gonna be a hard conversation and I don't wanna go there until we're good. Solid."

"You know you can't tell me what to do, right?"

"I know." It didn't mean it stopped him from wanting to do it, though. "I like that I can't. I don't want a doormat. I need someone strong. And so do you."

Her voice softened. "I hope you also know that what you think and feel is important to me and that I wouldn't make any decisions without considering how you felt, right?"

That surprised him a little. "Yeah, darlin'. I know that."

"And you know that I expect that from you too."

"It ain't an easy thing for me, but yeah. You got it, kid."

"Thanks."

"Wolverine's different though. I'm not makin' any promises for him. Not about that. I can only give so far before he's gonna letcha know how things are for him."

"Good."

"Good?"

"I'm not afraid of him."

"It ain't gonna go easy."

She laughed. "Have we ever done anything the easy way?"

He thought about that a minute. "Nope."

"The hard way seems to work for us, sugar. Maybe we should stick with that."

"Maybe so."

"I like this new you."

"I'm not new. This is me, Logan. You just didn't see it before… and I was still growing into the person I am now. I'm still growing now. With you." Her voice was soft. "It wasn't just me who needed to realize the person we left behind two years ago is different now. I'm not in love with a ghost. I'm in love with the you that you are to me now."

"Me too." He touched his forehead to hers. "But for me it's all wrapped up with who you were to me then, too. That girl sassin' me on that snowy road. The girl who called out to me in that bar. The girl who wasn't scared to try to take away the bad dreams when they came. You're all those things plus the new things, too."

"Good. I want to be all things to you."

"Sometimes I wonder if we'd have ever found this without the fuckin' computer between us. Puttin' the words down that way was easier. I wouldn't have ever been able to say half that shit to your face."

"I don't know about that. I think you would have found a way."

"Hmph. I like the way we found this time, though I don't wanna see another laptop for a long fuckin' time."

"Amen to that." She squeezed him lightly. "Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Anythin'. Nothin's off limits to you, kid." Logan's curiosity peaked as her scent shifted back towards embarrassment. "Fire away."

"That is a seriously tempting offer and I am absolutely going to take you up on that later. But I was wondering…. would you mind, um, taking your shirts off? I know you like sleeping that way better and- and I kinda really want to just feel you like that." He could feel her face heat even through his clothes. "I'm so tired and I just need to feel your skin against me now."

"You bet." Logan sat up and took off his flannel shirt before pulling his t-shirt off over his head. He tossed them both in the general direction of his pack. "I like that a whole lot, baby."

"Thanks." She was silent a moment. "You don't have to worry about my skin. It won't flip on while I sleep."

"I was never worried about your skin."

His soft words brought tears to her eyes but she wasn't up for another deep conversation right now. Sleep was too close. "That's because you're crazy."

"Back atcha. You fell for me, didn't ya?"

"I sure did. Now hush, sugar. I want to hear your heart talking to mine."

With a soft chuckle, Logan lay back down and pulled Marie to him. She pressed a soft kiss over his heart before she lay her head down on his chest. She closed her eyes, breathing in his scent as her fingers traced slow patterns over his chest. Logan tugged the quilt over them both and laced his fingers with hers before joining her in sleep.

* * *

 


	16. Finding Faith

Logan had been watching Marie sleep for about twenty minutes before she began to stir against him. Still on his back with her curled against his side, he could feel the change in her breathing as she slowly began to wake up. Her leg was thrown over his and her arm lay across his stomach. He smiled into the darkness as she snuggled deeper into him and sleepily rubbed her small foot up his calf.

"Hey, darlin'." His voice was whisper soft, as if speaking aloud would somehow break the sleepy sensual spell that surrounded them. He brushed his fingers over the satiny skin at the small of her back where her shirt had ridden up, unable to keep from touching her a moment longer.

"Mmmm... " Her body instinctively arched into his touch, pushing the soft curve of her breasts against his chest. Her thigh tightened over his leg, bringing her hips flush against him and he felt his body harden in response. She breathed in deeply, inhaling his clean, warm scent as she rubbed her cheek against his bare chest.

He rolled them gently until she was on her back and he was on his side next to her. Cocooned under the soft quilt, the outside world faded away, leaving only the warm, intimate space between them. He moved over her a little more, sliding one of his legs over hers and resting his large hand possessively at her waist while his thumb stroked back and forth over the soft skin of her stomach. He knew she could feel his erection pressed against her hip, but there was no urgency in his touch. Lazy languid arousal uncoiled slowly between them. There was desire, but it was tempered with tenderness. Fevered lovemaking would come in time. Now they were just two people in love, savoring each new discovery as they slowly explored each other for the first time.

Logan smiled down at her and pressed a soft kiss to her temple before trailing small slow kisses down her jaw. He stopped at her ear and nipped it gently. "Sleep well?" he whispered against the delicate shell of her ear. Marie shivered as his warm breath caressed her neck.

She nodded slowly, her lush mouth curving up into a shy smile as she met his eyes. He chuckled quietly when she blushed under his intense gaze and buried her face in his neck. He loved that for all her passion, she still had a sweetness, and innocence about her. It made him want to claim her wildly, fiercely, yet at the same time protect her, with his life if need be. Love and lust, protectiveness and possessiveness. It all swirled around inside of him until he felt like his body was too small to contain it.

He growled softly as she nuzzled his neck. His hand slid up her nape and his fingers tightened in her hair. He pulled back a little, wanting to see her face. She stared up at him with warm, hooded eyes. Her hair was spread out around her in disarray and her face was still soft with sleep. He lowered his head until his lips were a heartbeat above hers, until they were so close they were sharing the same breath.

He waited, poised over her until he felt her fingers digging into his arms, willing him to touch his mouth to hers, yet still he held back. It wasn't enough. He wanted more than to claim her. He wanted her to want to be claimed, and he wanted her to be sure it was HIM that she wanted. He didn't want her passivity; he wanted the intensity of her passion to match his own. They would begin this on equal footing or not at all.

Her lips parted and she whimpered softly against his mouth. Satisfaction burned through him when she gave him what he wanted, what he needed to hear. He lowered his head and touched his mouth to hers. Her lips were soft and warm under his. He pressed small butterfly kisses to her mouth before flicking his tongue over her full bottom lip. He smiled against her mouth as her lips parted in silent invitation.

_That's the way, darlin'. Just like that. Open for me._

He shuddered at the wet heat of her mouth, at the sensation of her tongue sliding along his.

_That's it, baby. God._

She tasted so good, so right. He wanted to lose himself in the kiss, in her. She licked and nipped at his mouth, learning which kisses made him shudder and which made him groan. Their kisses became wilder, deeper, and he swallowed all her breathy little moans as he devoured her mouth. She moved restlessly under him, pushing up against his powerful body, seeking something more.

When she coaxed his tongue inside her mouth and suckled it, he was unable to stop himself from bucking his hips and sliding his hand up to cover her breast. He had to know how she felt. He simply couldn't keep from touching her. His large hands seemed to be made to cradle her full breasts. He touched her gently, careful not to push her rising desire too high. He wasn't trying to ready her body for his. It was a touch designed to pleasure, not to arouse.

He gentled the deep wet kiss, not wanting to stoke a fire in her that couldn't be banked. Logan knew she wasn't ready to make love. Not yet. It was all so new to her. He was new. Touch was new. Normally, he wouldn't have any trouble keeping himself in check, but these last few months had stretched his control to a few frayed threads. If he didn't stop soon he wouldn't be able to.

Reluctantly, he broke the kiss and slid down her body, resting his head on her breast. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent, listening to the erratic beat of her heart as it gradually slowed back into a more even rhythm. Her small hands stroked his back gently, soothingly.

"Ummm... " The contented sound resonated deep in his chest, not unlike a cat's low purr.

"You like that, sugar?"

"Yes." Logan rubbed his cheek against her supple curves, drowning himself in her scent, her softness. "More."

Nobody had ever touched him like that. For him, touch had always meant either pain or sexual gratification, but never tenderness. Never affection. Not until Marie. Her hands moved over his back and down his powerful arms, tracing small circles on his shoulders and along his neck. Slowly, by small degrees, he relaxed as he gave himself over to the unique sensation of being touched with love.

Gentle inquisitive fingers stroked repeatedly over his jaw, feeling the rasp of his whiskers like she said she'd dreamed of doing. He smiled against her chest. "Like that, do you?" Amusement tinged his words.

He could feel the laughter bubble out of her. "I sure do." She touched his jaw again and then gently brushed her thumb over his lips. "I liked waking up in your arms too."

"Yeah?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"I liked wakin' up with you too, baby. Liked it a little too much."

Marie was quiet a moment while she considered that. "Is that why you stopped?"

"Yeah." Logan raised his head and met her eyes.

"But I would have-"

"I know you would've. That's why I stopped."

Logan was prepared to argue his point. He had a speech all planned out about how he didn't want to rush her; especially considering his was the first touch she'd felt in years. He knew he could be pretty intense during sex and he was afraid all that physical contact might be a little overwhelming for someone who hadn't received even a casual touch in more than a year. He waited for her to tell him she wasn't the little girl he left behind so long ago, that she was ready, but instead she just smiled at him and said nothing. That threw him a little. Maybe she was more ready than he thought.

Her eyes sparkled. "And next time?"

_Yup, definitely more ready than I thought. Heh. Good._

He smiled a slow sensual smile and stroked the pulse point in her neck with the tip of one finger. "Next time's next time."

"I can live with that."

Rumbly laughter shook his chest and he kissed her again, this time trailing kisses down her neck before playfully biting her shoulder. He was just about to lean in and take her mouth again when his stomach growled loudly. Any teasing retort Marie might have made was ruined as her own stomach gave an answering growl.

He chuckled. "Too nervous to eat dinner, darlin'?"

"And lunch." She laughed quietly. "What about you?"

"I had some breakfast." He paused. "Uh, yesterday I think."

"You haven't eaten in more than a day?" The teasing tone was gone from her voice. She winced when he nodded.

"Don't worry. It ain't like it's gonna kill me."

Her eyes flashed. "Just because your body can take abuse doesn't mean it should."

"It's no big deal, Marie. It's just the way things are. The way I am."

"No. No, it's not." Logan opened his mouth to say something but Marie put her fingers over his lips. "It's the way you're used to being. That's all." Marie searched his eyes for a long moment and her own widened in response as realization washed over her. "That's part of it isn't it? Part of the draw. The softness."

_Oh sugar, that's it, isn't it? I give you the softness you can't and won't give yourself._

Her heart went out to him.

He stared at her so long she wasn't sure he was going to answer her. Finally, he nodded. Marie knew what that admission had cost him. She didn't want to make him even more uncomfortable by making a big deal out of it so she just hugged him close and buried her face in the crook of his shoulder. Her stomach growled again and she smiled against his neck.

"C'mon. Let's go get something to eat."

"Darlin', it's two in the mornin'."

"I made pie."

A slow smile spread across his face. "Let's go."

Barefoot and sleep-tousled, Marie and Logan made their way to the kitchen, never once breaking the physical contact between them. When they got to the kitchen, Marie opened the fridge and looked inside. The combination of the cool floor under her bare feet and the cold air from the open refrigerator made her nipples pull tight. Illuminated by the soft light she shivered, drawing his attention. Logan came to stand behind her, pressing his warm, solid form against her back. He leaned into her and put his lips against her ear.

"I'm gonna do that to you later." He whispered huskily just loud enough for her to hear as his hands came up to cup her breasts. "Only next time this won't happen because you're cold." He brushed her tight nipples with his thumbs before pressing a kiss to the back of her shoulder.

"Oh, god." Marie closed her eyes and shuddered at the erotic images his words brought to mind. Logan chuckled softly and stepped back.

"Food, baby," he prompted with a smug little smile when she'd stood there for a good minute without moving. She blushed prettily and smiled at him before she began pulling things from the fridge.

They ate quietly in the moonlight, not wanting to risk drawing attention by turning on the light. Slowly, they ate the light meal, stopping often to touch each other and to share their thoughts in low hushed tones. They took their time, enjoying the simple pleasure of a shared meal and the intimacy of feeding each other. When they were finished eating, Marie reached out to take his plate but he stopped her.

"Aren't you forgettin' somethin', kid?" His low whisper made her shiver.

She smiled mischievously at him. "I don't think so, sugar." She leaned in closer, her lips brushing his ear. "No song, no floorshow, no pie," she teased, nipping him gently. He growled deep in his throat and cocked an eyebrow at her.

Logan crossed his arms over his chest and looked Marie up and down, noting the soft flush on her skin and the lingering heat in her eyes. "Well, I'd say the mood calls for slow and sensual, darlin'." He stood up.

Her eyes widened. "I was just playing. You can have the pie."

"A deal's a deal." He took a step back and held out his hand.

The teasing look was back now. "You're supposed to dance _for_ me, sunshine, not _with_ me."

"You'll like my way better." A slow sexy smile teased the corners of his mouth. "Now c'mere." Marie took his hand without hesitation. He pulled her to her feet and drew her to him until she was flush against him. Logan's hands slid slowly down her body, teasing the small of her back before moving lower. He pulled her firmly against his hips, smiling at her soft gasp when she felt his erection pressing into her. "Shhh, baby. I gotcha."

When her hips began to gently move against him he stilled them with his large hands. He looked down into her questioning face and kissed her softly. He pulled back and whispered against her lips. "Trust me. You'll like my way. I promise." He lowered his head and brushed his lips against her neck as his hands urged her to move in the direction he wanted.

"Turn around. Put your back to me." Marie turned in his arms. He pressed the solid wall of his chest up against her back and put his hands on her hips, pulling her firmly against him. Logan kissed his way up the side of her neck and whispered another soft command against her warm skin. "Close your eyes." He waited for her to comply. "Now put your hands over mine." Marie covered the backs of his hands with her palms and laced their fingers together. "Good girl." He waited a long minute, feeling her anticipation build.

She jumped when he bent his head and put his lips against her ear. "Easy, darlin'." Logan closed his eyes and began to sway gently in the moonlight. Pressed against him so tightly, Marie's body swayed with him, matching his movements, learning his rhythm. Softly, he began humming, just loud enough for her to hear. His soft voice was rich and full and as he sang his warm breath caressed her neck.

_When the road gets dark_   
_And you can no longer see_   
_Just let my love throw a spark baby_   
_And have a little faith in me_   
_And when the tears you cry_   
_Are all you can believe_   
_Just give these lovin' arms a try baby_   
_And have a little faith in me_

Still swaying, he began to move his hands, sliding them slowly over her body. With her hands covering his, his touch became hers; caressing her body as his words touched her heart.

_When your secret heart_   
_Cannot speak so easily_   
_Come here darlin'_   
_From a whisper start_   
_Have a little faith in me_   
_When your back's against the wall_   
_Just turn around, you will see_   
_I will catch you, I will catch your fall_   
_Just have a little faith in me_

His hands became more bold, touching her thighs, cupping her breasts. With their fingers entwined, every time he touched her, she touched herself. It was so intimate, so sensual to be feeling her body with him, sharing herself this way.

_Well, I've been loving you for such a long, long time baby_   
_Expecting nothing in return_   
_Just for you to have a little faith in me_   
_You see time, time is our friend_   
_For you and me there is no end_   
_And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me_   
_And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me_

His voice became a little softer and he nuzzled her neck. "All you gotta do is have a little faith in me." He brought his hands together, catching both of her small hands up in his larger one. His free hand trailed lightly down her body, pausing to squeeze her hip before it disappeared into his pocket.

"I do have faith in you, sugar," she whispered softly, still swaying gently with him to the rhythm he'd set.

This time when he spoke his voice was husky with emotion. "Do you think you might find a little more faith, darlin'? Maybe enough to last a lifetime?"

Logan brought his hand up in front of her and opened his fist to reveal a ring, silvery and luminous in the moonlight. It was an eternity ring, but instead of diamonds, the platinum band held deep green emeralds.

For a long moment, time was suspended as Marie slowly reached out and ran her finger over the ring lying in his warm palm. He'd found a way to share the ribbon of green light and the silvery snow with her after all. Marie was moved to tears.

"I love you, Marie. I wasn't gonna do this for a while yet, baby, but it just feels right now. I need you. I want you. I know you're young and you don't hafta answer me right away. It can be whatever you want for now. Whatever you need. An engagement ring. A promise ring. But you should know what it is for me. You were mine from the second you called out to me in that bar. I've been yours ever since. I'm yours as long as you want me. Longer than that, if I'm bein' honest. I love ya, kid."

Marie could feel his heart beating wildly against her back. And then it dawned on her. He was afraid she wouldn't want him, afraid she'd say no. She tried to turn in his arms but he held her fast. Marie forced the words past the lump in her throat. "Oh, Logan. Yes."

"To which part?"

"To everything."

His arms tightened on her a moment and tears filled her eyes as he gently slipped the band on her finger. This time when she tried to turn in his arms, he let her. Marie tilted her face up to look at him, awed by what she saw in his eyes. They were wet and shining with such complete joy she found herself overwhelmed by the sheer emotion in them.

"I love you, Logan," she whispered pressing a kiss to his heart. "Take me upstairs. I want to be yours in every way." She pressed herself against him tightly, resting her head against his warm chest wishing she could crawl inside him. She just couldn't get close enough to him. They held each other tightly for a long moment. When Logan finally spoke his voice was rough.

"Be sure." He paused. "You haveta be sure about this, Marie. The ring and the words- that's one thing. I can't- I can't touch you like that and then go back. I can't. I'm not built that way." His eyes burned intensely into hers. "We do this and it's forever."

A beautiful smile spread over her face. "I understand, sugar, and I'm sure." She paused, searching his eyes. "I am." She let every bit of what she was feeling show on her face. Her voice was soft but not hesitant. "You have my heart, Logan. You always will. I want to share my body with you and I want you to share yours with me. I want forever."

"Jesus, darlin'." Logan tightened his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. Her words touched him deeply.

Marie returned the fierce embrace. "I love you, Logan. I want- I want to show you how much. I want to make love to you. Will you take me upstairs?"

Logan lifted his head from her shoulder and claimed her mouth in a deep wet kiss that left no doubt in her mind about what his answer would be. He broke the kiss and pulled away, eyes glowing with both love and desire. "Let's go."

* * *

Author's note. Allll aboard! The foof train is leaving the station and heading towards Smutville. This is your first and last warning. It's full 'steam' ahead from here on out... ;)


	17. Moonlight and Shadow

Marie took Logan by the hand, but instead of walking back towards Logan's new room, she led them to the elevator. After pressing the button she turned and stepped into his strong embrace.

"Marie?"

"My room's closer, sugar." A blush tinged her cheeks but the warm intensity of her gaze never wavered. That smoldering look she kept giving him was making it hard to concentrate on anything other than the way she felt under his hands and the way her scent had changed.

He eyed the elevator and chuckled quietly. "I thought we were tryin' to avoid attention, darlin'." He paused to nuzzle her neck. "Wouldn't the back stairs be better?" The last of that came out as soft growl as Marie nuzzled his neck in return and nipped him lightly with her small even teeth.

Her soft laughter tickled his neck as she pulled him into the elevator. "Nope. You're out of practice. It's nearly four in the morning... on a Saturday."

As the door slid shut, Logan pinned her small body to the wall with his larger one, making her very aware of him in a way she hadn't ever been before. "So?" He fought to keep his voice light. The scent of her arousal in this small confined space was pushing him to the outer limits of his control. He couldn't keep his mind from dwelling on one thing, and one thing alone. She'd agreed to be his. His to protect. His to love. His sole source of solace. The light to his darkness.

_Mine._

She smiled up at him. "So, every kid who's stayed out after curfew is going to be sneaking up the back stairs right about now." She pressed herself closer to his large frame and ran her nails lightly up and down his broad muscular back. "Do you want to have to explain to Scott how come you're sneaking up the back stairs shirtless and barefoot with an equally barefoot and braless woman in tow?" She nipped his earlobe for good measure. She could feel the tension building in him and knew she needed to keep things light, or they wouldn't be making it to her room.

"Good point, darlin'." His low laughter rumbled deep in his chest. "But I don't give a good goddamn 'bout One Eye or his fuckin' rules. I don't haveta explain myself to anyone but you." Pinned as she was between his body and the wall, Marie could feel his quiet laughter vibrating against her. Abruptly his laughter stopped as he looked down at her. The sudden shift in his mood was apparent as the look in his eyes changed from amusement to something darker, something wild and hungry. His eyes burned gold.

The door opened behind him and an impossibly long moment passed as he searched her eyes. "Be sure." His voice was rough and his breath was hot against her cheek. "I won't ask again. So be sure, Marie."

Marie understood what he was asking. His body language said it all even if his words didn't. He wasn't going to ask her again because he couldn't. Once they started this, there would be no stopping it until she was his in every way. She met his intense gaze without hesitation and slipped her hand into his. She brought his hand to her mouth and gently kissed his knuckles. She knew he needed to hear her say the words. "Forever, Logan." She clasped his hand tightly and pressed it against her heart. "I belong to you."

He caught her hand and put it over his heart. "And I to you." His words were oddly formal and Marie realized what had just passed between them was far more meaningful and binding than any marriage ceremony could ever be.

Marie wasn't sure who moved first, but somehow they were inside her room and he was kicking the door shut. The room wasn't much different than he remembered, but it seemed softer, warmer and it smelled like her now. He was nearly drunk with the heady scent of Marie and desire. He stared at her a long moment across the scant foot of moonlit space that separated them. Although his every instinct was wild and primal, screaming at him to possess her, he willed the animal back. He intended to be gentle with her, to bring her as much pleasure as he could.

He was not only the beast his body was telling him he was; he was also a man deeply in love. The two sides of his nature warred with each other. He'd never felt such profound emotion and it scared him. Not because he was feeling it, but because it was so new, so consuming he wasn't sure if he could control it - wasn't sure if he could control himself. The fierce urgent need to possess her was turning him inside out, but equally powerful was the need to communicate to her what she meant to him in ways no words could ever express.

The room suddenly seemed much smaller to her with him inside it. Lit by moonlight, sculpted by shadow, he was the very picture of male tension. His jaw was clenched and he stared at her through heavy lidded eyes, tinted black with desire. His breathing was erratic and the flush of arousal touched his harsh, sensual features. His body resonated raw masculine power, from the carefully leashed strength in his tensed muscles to the prominent erection straining against the worn denim of his jeans.

His eyes slid over her appreciatively. The white streaks in her hair seemed almost luminous in silvery light. She should be afraid of him, but he could see she wasn't. Her eyes glowed with desire and her supple body moved temptingly under the thin fabric with each uneven breath. Her lush perfect mouth was curved into a beautiful welcoming smile and he could hear her heart beating wildly within her breast. She was everything that was good and pure and soft and he wanted nothing more than to lose himself inside her forever.

The air was thick between them, humming with unspoken desire and the sweet promise of fulfillment. She was acutely aware of each breath he took, each minute move of his powerful body. Their eyes met and the depth of emotion he saw there stunned him. Her eyes burned for him. Wildly, fiercely. Nobody had ever looked at him that way, like he was temptation and salvation, like he was her whole world.

He couldn't stand it a second longer. A small subtle shift of leashed strength brought their bodies together. Soft met hard and their world burst into flames. Logan growled at the contact, at the sweet press of her body against his. Her arms slid around his neck and his hands found her hips, fitting her tightly against him. She felt the hard ridge of flesh trapped between them and instinctively pressed herself against it.

Logan groaned in response and lowered his mouth to hers. This time the kiss wasn't sweet or chaste. It was urgent, demanding and utterly consuming. She met him with equal passion, stroking his tongue with hers, nipping at him with her small even teeth. Catching his lower lip in her teeth playfully. Shivering at his heat. This time when she coaxed his tongue into her mouth and suckled it, he let her feel the full measure of his desire. When they broke apart his eyes were wild. Desire raged at him, tearing at his tattered control.

Her hands went to his lean waist and then moved over the front of his jeans as she undid the button and lowered his zipper. Logan's eyes closed and his head dropped back, baring the corded muscles of his throat. This was going way too fast but he couldn't stop it.

"Marie." His voice was rough, husky.

Her name on his lips was both a plea and a warning. He couldn't tell her to stop. Not now. He was too far gone. Her hands slid the worn denim from his hips and she knelt before him as she pushed them down his long legs. Logan stepped out of them, acutely aware of her position and the effect it was having on him.

Without taking her hands from his legs, Marie paused to look up at him. She'd never seen a naked man before and his body fascinated her. He was so masculine, so primal and he looked so different from the 'Logan' she remembered. His face was flushed with arousal and his chest heaved. His hands were clenched at his sides and there was tension in the muscles surrounding his sensual mouth. Her eyes followed the line of dark hair down his stomach to the darker tangle at his groin. His body was full, heavy with need and his breath hissed through his teeth at the first soft brush of her hand.

He wasn't going to be able to last if she kept touching him like that. He was already afraid he was too far gone to be gentle enough with her the first time. That thought terrified him, but the scent of their desire, combined with the rhythmic motion of her hand was too much.

Marie rose up on her knees, pressing her face against the taut muscles of his stomach as she drank in his scent. She rubbed the satiny skin of her cheek against his stomach and he tangled his fingers in her hair, holding her close as her fingers slid over him.

"Logan?" The word was breathless, a caress as it spilled from her lips.

He knew what she wanted and wordlessly he covered her smaller hand with his, showing her his rhythm, teaching her how to make him burn. He was much too close to the edge and knew he shouldn't, but he could no more stop himself than he could stop his heart from pounding wildly in his chest. A wave of heat suffused his body and his lip curled in a silent snarl.

_Fuck. Too close._

His large hand stilled hers when the pleasure became too great. When he spoke his voice sounded rough in his ears.

"It ain't supposedta be like that, Marie. Not the first time. It's supposedta be with you." His mouth protested but his body did not. He might have stilled her hand, but his hips were still moving slowly. She caught his eyes. The smile was shy, however the look in her eyes was anything but.

"Maybe it is supposed to be this way for us, sugar." Her sultry voice dropped. "Maybe I need this - to know you like this first." She nuzzled him gently. "Touching someone and being touched is a big thing for me. I want this with you. I do." She paused, pressing a kiss to the hollow of his hip. "It- it's just so much, you know? So intense." She watched as his face softened slightly and he nodded. "I- I think it would be easier, less... overwhelming for me if you let me know you this way first." She turned her face against his stomach, shy about speaking her thoughts aloud but compelled to by the ferocity of her desire for him, by the desire to please him - and to reassure him she did want this, that she _was_ ready. "Is it ok?"

Her soft admission stripped the last of his reluctance from him and his restraining hand fell away to tangle in her hair once more. The naked hunger in his dark eyes made her breath catch. He nodded again, gently brushing her cheek with his fingertips. "Yeah, it's ok. I-" His words turned into a hiss of pleasure as her fingers stroked him. "Any- any touch is ok as long as you like it too."

Her lips curved into a seductive smile and she drew the flat of her tongue along his hipbone. "I like."

His eyes closed at the first touch of her open mouth on his skin, but her words caused a husky chuckle to well up. He looked down at her and grinned wickedly. The intense look quickly changed from amusement to undisguised arousal. "I wanna see you, darlin'." The words were low, gravelly. The hand that had been caressing her neck slid down and tugged at her shirt. "Take this off, baby. I wanna see you."

Marie leaned away from him and pulled her shirt off in one graceful motion, before dropping it on the floor at his feet. His breath caught. "So beautiful," he breathed, unaware he'd spoken the thought aloud. Her pale creamy skin was luminous in the moonlight. His eyes were drawn to the newly revealed skin. Her breasts were full, ripe and lush. They moved slightly as she shivered before him. Raspberry. She was not wrong. Small and delicate, a beautiful pink upthrust that made his mouth water. Her head bowed and the dark fall of her hair hid her face from him, but he could smell the sultry scent of her desire. Her hands trembled with the desire to touch him and when she finally looked up, he saw her eyes were on fire for him. Her hands went to the zipper of her skirt.

"No." His rough command startled her and her gaze flicked back to his in question. His dark eyes glittered with sensual promise. "I wanna do that." He caught her hands and put them back on his body. "Later." Marie smiled as understanding flooded her. He wanted to be the one to finish undressing her, but he couldn't wait. She'd stoked the fire too high.

"You're beautiful too, Logan." He could feel the warmth of her breath against his sensitized skin. He wanted to contradict her, but the sight of her, the feel of her hands on him robbed him of breath. Her hand resumed the rhythm he'd taught her and the other stroked the back of his knee before moving up the muscular column of his thigh. Her full breasts swayed gently to the rhythm of her movements and he was unable to tear his eyes away from the sight of her finding pleasure in pleasuring him.

"Logan?" The question in her voice compelled him to meet her eyes. Her face was flushed with desire and her heavy lidded eyes burned for him. "I- I want to use my mouth. Is that o-"

"Yes."

_Oh, God_.

He shuddered at the exquisite heat of her mouth. And then there were no more words, only the harsh sound of his breathing and his soft grunts of pleasure. They blended with Marie's quiet moans creating a sensual rhythm unique to them, to the intimacy of the moment. He shook, overwhelmed by both emotion and desire. His body tensed and a low rumbling growl filled the small room. She could tell he was close. His hand slipped from her neck, not wanting to force her to stay but unwilling, unable, to pull her sweet mouth away. "Choose." The word was growled from between clenched teeth. God, he was close now. So close.

Marie had no desire to pull away from him, especially now. She leaned into his body, accepting more of him as she wrapped her arms around his lean hips. Her unconditional acceptance and uninhibited response flooded him with satisfaction, pushing him swiftly over the edge. He stilled for an instant and his vision exploded into brilliant white as release seared through him. His body burned and his soft guttural sounds of pleasure matched the throbbing between his legs. The cadence was so rhythmic, so primal, so intimate. Savoring the heady wild taste of him, her small hand stroked his stomach as he rode out the last waves of pleasure.

His legs buckled and he fell to his knees, pulling her close as he buried his sweaty, flushed face in her neck. She held him tightly; awed that she could cause his powerful body to tremble so violently. His chest heaved as he drew in several ragged breaths. Marie felt the gentle scrape of his stubble and then the soft press of his warm lips against her bare shoulder. His whisper was a caress against her heated skin. "God, Marie." Another kiss and a flick of his tongue as he tasted her skin. "Love you." Still another kiss and another barely audible whisper from lips that had yet to leave her skin. "Amazin'." His hand was stroking the small of her back now that his world had stopped spinning.

She hid her face against his chest, a little shy and more than a little overwhelmed by the incredible intimacy of what they'd just shared. He lifted his head and looked down at her. "Marie?" His hand cupped her chin and brought her head up so he could look into her eyes. "Don't be shy with me, darlin'. There's nothin' to be ashamed of. That was beautiful. Good and pure." His eyes glowed with fulfillment and love. His gaze was intense, but his words were soft. "I want us to share everythin' with each other, Marie. Everythin'. Heart, mind, and body." He stroked the pad of his thumb over her wet, red lips. Heat touched his eyes and his voice. "I love it when you're uninhibited, when you're free with me. God, you drive me wild."

He lowered his head to hers and kissed her lush, swollen mouth, at once tender and forceful as he demanded entry and stroked her tongue with his. She tasted of him, of herself, and of want. He lifted his head and smiled at her, still brushing the satiny curve of her back with his fingers. His gaze grew thoughtful. "I think you were right. It was supposedta be this way for us first." He brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Better for both of us."

"For you too? I thought you wanted-" She broke off at his low chuckle.

"I did. I still do." His voice grew husky. "I do wanna make love to you, darlin', but this way was good 'cause now you're more comfortable with touch and I'm-"

"Ready for a beer and a nap?" Her eyes danced as she teased him.

"Well, I gotta taste for somethin', darlin', but it sure as hell ain't beer." He grinned wickedly as she blushed. "As for that nap... I ain't opposed to tryin' out the bed, but I don't think either of us is gonna get a whole lotta sleep there anytime soon."

Her mouth opened and closed but no sound came out. The soft flush on her cheeks spread down over her chest. "That'll teach ya." He winked at her. "Like your momma said, if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch, darlin'." A chuckle rumbled deep in his chest.

Her eyes sparkled. "So take me to bed, sugar. I could use a good backrub." His chuckling stopped. "That is what you said you do in bed with a woman, right?" The innocence in her tone was belied by the teasing smile on her face.

God, he loved her fire. He growled playfully at her. "Watch it, darlin'. You don't want a war of words with me." Logan nipped at her neck, smiling at the way she shivered.

"And why's that?" She managed to get out between kisses.

"'Cause I play dirty, baby, just like you." He smiled against her lips as his hands traced random patterns across her bare back.

"Promises, promises."

This time the growl was far from playful. "What was it you said, again? Hmmm, I remember now. Nipples the color of raspberries." He ignored her soft gasp. "You said you were wet, ready for me." His voice was no longer light and teasing, but low and husky. He trailed a string of open-mouthed kisses up the side of her neck before whispering in her ear. "You said you wanted me inside you."

Marie flushed and buried her face in the hollow of his neck, but a soft whimper escaped her lips as she pressed herself against his solid form. Logan never let up his sensual assault. His hand slid down her stomach to cup her through the soft fabric of her skirt. "You said you wanted me over you, under you, inside you." He caressed her gently. "I'm gonna do all that... and more."

"Oh, God."

Logan stood and gently pulled Marie to her feet. Again he caught her chin in his hand and lifted it until their eyes met. When he spoke again his tone was serious. "I meant what I said before. I don't want you feelin' shy with me. Not now. Not ever." His voice softened as he bared his soul to her. "Always before I had these walls that kept everyone out. You're the only one I ever let in, Marie. The only one." He took a deep breath. "I can't have any walls between us. I just can't. I need everythin' from you, darlin', and I need to give you everythin' I have in return. No holdin' back." His quiet heartfelt words humbled her.

Smiling tenderly, Marie placed her hand in his without hesitation. "Everything."

Logan stared at her intently for a long moment before threading his fingers in her hair and covering her mouth with his. He lifted his head and whispered against her lips, "Everythin', darlin'."

* * *

Author's note: So, um, yeah. Did I mention that the train will be making a few stops in Smutville? ;)


	18. Forged in Flame

Breaking the kiss, Logan bent and scooped Marie into his arms, carrying her without hesitation to the bed. Kneeling on the mattress, he set her down gently and caught one of her small hands in his. True to his word, he didn't ask her if she was sure she wanted to do this. Instead he simply watched her, savoring the moment, savoring the scent, the sight of her ready and waiting for him.

Without taking her hand from his, she lay back against the pillows, making no effort to cover herself or hide a single thing from his intent gaze. The thought pleased him. She had no reason to hide anything from him; in fact, she'd promised him she wouldn't. A slow smile touched his lips. Soon, very soon, her body would harbor no more secrets. Not from herself and certainly not from him. Heat flared in his eyes at the thought of knowing her body so intimately.

He gave her hand a squeeze and released her, pulling away to retrieve his jeans from the floor.

"Logan?"

Dragging the worn denim into his lap, he fished his wallet out of the back pocket and held it up, with a wry smile. "Just gettin' a condom, darlin'." There was no embarrassment in his voice, only a touch of amusement in the matter-of-fact words. "I don't wanna haveta stop touchin' you later to go lookin' for it."

Marie flushed in anticipation at the thought of Logan touching her like that. "You... um, don't have to wear one if you don't want to." Hazel eyes flicked to hers, pinning her with an intense stare. His eyebrow lifted in question. "I'm on the pill, so it's ok if you don't want to use-"

She broke off at the question in his eyes. "No, it's not Jean. Are you nuts? Neither of us are that masochistic. I have my own doctor. You know - in the city."

"Good." He set his wallet down on the nightstand and turned his intent hazel stare back to her. "How long, Marie?" Logan ran his big, warm hand from her ankle to the back of her raised knee. "How long have you been ready for me?"

The intimate question made her shiver.

"Since I took off the tags. Since then." The heat in Logan's gaze combined with the sensation of him brushing his fingers over the back of her knee was making it hard to focus. "I- I knew it was kinda wishful thinking in my part, but I wanted to be ready just in case I ever got the chance to be with you." Her quiet admission floored him.

"Jesus, Marie."

"Touching is such a big deal for me." She flushed but didn't look away from his heated gaze. "I didn't want any plastic between us. Not the first time." Marie was silent a moment. "Not any time." She reached out and ran her fingers over the large hand that was resting by her hip.

The feel of her fingertips on his knuckles galvanized him into motion. He moved between her raised parted legs, settling himself on his knees with his weight on his heels. His hand rested possessively on her thigh. Marie could feel the burning heat of his palm through the thin fabric of her skirt and the look in his golden eyes was nothing short of feral.

"You're mine." The words were growled low and rough. "I'm the only one who's ever gonna touch you like this." He ran both hands now from ankle to knee and back again. The touch was curiously tender, at odds with the heat in his voice and the look of savage desire on his face. "The only one who's gonna see you like this."

"Yes." Her hair was in disarray from being tangled in his fingers and her mouth was still red and slightly swollen from the intimate attention she'd given him earlier.

"I'm the only one who's gonna smell you like this - wet from wantin' me." He flicked his eyes upwards to meet hers as his hands pushed her skirt to her knees. "I can smell myself on you." Her eyes fluttered shut at his erotically whispered words, but snapped open again quickly as he gave her calves a hard squeeze. "Do you have any fuckin' idea what that does to me?"

The most incredibly beautiful smile turned up the corners of her lush, swollen lips. He looked so masculine, so powerful, kneeling naked between her spread legs, sculpted in moonlight.

"Tell me." Her voice was whisper soft. "Tell me what it does to you, Logan." Her voice grew huskier. "And then show me."

The emotions running through him were heady, wild, but he forced down the primal instinct to claim her and instead touched her with tender passion. Touch was too new, too overwhelming for her for him to let himself go completely - at least at first. He left his hands resting possessively on her knees and watched her face. He wanted to see her reaction to both his words and his touch as he showed her what she did to him.

Growling softly, Logan kissed the inside of one raised knee and then the other. The feeling of his open mouth, hot and wet on her skin, made her shudder. The pressure of his mouth opened her legs to him and that was exciting too. Feeling him begin to spread her legs to accommodate his body.

"It makes me wild." He noticed the direction of her gaze. "Makes me hard."

She stroked him lightly. "Rock hard." Her voice was barely a whisper.

His eyes darkened. "Makes me wanna touch you, darlin'." A smile of pure male pleasure touched his mouth and he wet his lips in anticipation. "Makes me wanna taste you." Her eyes flicked back up to his. "Everywhere."

"Oh!" He grinned wider at her soft gasp before his expression grew more serious.

"It makes the animal part of me wanna fuck you 'till you scream my name." Marie's eyes widened. "But it also makes me wanna hold you close and love you real slow and real sweet, deep and soft - letcha know it ain't about fuckin' or makin' love. It's about gettin' to be the one to hold you close and lettin' you know you're the only one who's ever touched me inside - where it really counts."

For a moment, there was silence, broken only by the erratic beating of two hearts and the unsteady rhythm of softly panted breaths.

"I love you." She met his eyes. "Touch me, Logan."

The heat in his eyes grew even hotter. "I'm gonna make you burn, darlin'." He slid his hands under her skirt and up the smooth, silky column of her thigh. His fingers gripped her hips and his thumbs brushed gently over the hollows of her hipbones. Logan grinned, knowing he was finally going to get to find out the answer he'd been dying to know since he'd watched her putting away her boots last night. His thumbs widened their circles and drifted inward, where they brushed against soft curls instead of silky fabric.

_Christ._

His body grew even harder and he bit back a groan. He caught her gaze and quirked an eyebrow at her. "No panties, baby?"

Marie shook her head, smiling seductively at him, but saying nothing. She was an incredible mix of innocence and sensuality. Something inside him snapped. Logan slid his hands back down her thighs and out from under her skirt. He put both hands on her ribcage, just under her breasts. He'd looked plenty, but hadn't touched them yet. He knew she had to be aching for that touch by now, but still he waited. He wanted her wild for it.

Instead of sliding his hands up to cup her breasts like she was expecting, he slid them down over her flat stomach to the waistband of her skirt. Fitting two fingers just under the band, he teased her soft skin with a gentle caress.

"Marie?" Logan chuckled when he realized she hadn't heard him, lost as she was in his touch. "Marie, baby?" This time her eyes met his. "This your favorite skirt?"

"No. Wh-"

"Good." Suddenly his playful expression was replaced by hungry desire and she heard a soft snikt as he released one claw a little and cut the offending fabric from her body in one impatient motion.

"Logan," she chided, but there was no real heat in her words.

"Always wanted to do that." His teeth flashed wolfishly at her as he pulled the fabric from under her hips and dropped it on the floor. "God, you're beautiful." Logan took his time looking at her, drinking in the sight of her naked body. A pretty blush stained her cheeks and spread down over her chest but she never once took her eyes from his face as she watched him watch her.

"Like what you see, sugar?" His eyes flicked up to hers. Marie's eyes widened. He looked... hungry. Ravenous. Wild.

His answer was direct and honest. "Hell, yes." With predatory grace, he uncoiled and stretched out next to her on the bed. Logan heard her sharp intake of air as he pressed his body against hers and nuzzled her neck. His skin was hot against her and she felt branded by the heat of the hand resting possessively on her stomach. The soft rasp of male hair excited her and the feel of his erection throbbing insistently against her hip seemed to raise an answering ache inside her.

"Logan, I want-" She broke off, blushing furiously.

That got his attention. He groaned against the tender skin of her throat and bit her again before raising his head. "Whaddaya want, baby?" If anything the blush got darker. He tangled his fingers in her hair and ravaged her mouth in a wild kiss that burned away any last resistance she might have had. Logan pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. "Tell me what you want, baby."

"I- I want your hand."

His mouth returned to her neck. "You gotta tell me where, kid." He opened his mouth on her neck and sucked hard, grunting with satisfaction when he saw the resulting mark.

"I mean I want to, um, kiss your hand." He raised his head and stared at her a long moment. "You know, where the claws come out." She reached out and stroked her small fingers over his wrist. "Is that ok?"

A shudder ran through his entire body. "Jesus, darlin'." He'd never been with a woman who knew about his claws before. That she was so accepting of that part of his nature humbled him and the fact that she wanted to kiss him there drove him wild. He nodded. "I told you, baby, any kinda touch is ok." He wasn't too sure what to expect. Nobody had ever wanted to do that before. "I guess it's a night of firsts for us both."

"Nobody's ever...?" He shook his head, watching intently as she drew his hand to her mouth and kissed each fingertip. "I love your hands, you know." She nipped at the fleshy pad of his thumb. "You have good hands. Strong hands." He was growling a little now. Marie wasn't sure if it was in pleasure or because he didn't agree with her or both. "I love how they feel touching me." She guided his finger to her lips and sucked it into the warm cavern of her mouth, flicking it with her tongue as she suckled gently. He grunted softly and rocked his hips against her, seeking relief from the intense arousal.

Marie withdrew his finger slowly, scraping her teeth along it and watching with satisfaction as he shuddered again. She secured his hand in hers and met his eyes before pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. Logan was overwhelmed by the amount of trust that simple act revealed. He was still trying to wrap his mind around that when she flicked her tongue over the thin skin between his knuckles.

He stiffened and a hoarse cry was torn from his lips.

_Fuck! Oh, God._

"Marie." Her name was almost lost in his hiss of pleasure. His skin had always been sensitive there. He'd always just figured it was because it was disturbed by his claws so often, but he'd never thought of it as an erogenous zone, until now, that is. He thrust himself roughly against her hip with a savage snarl as he jerked his hand away. "Enough."

_Fuck_.

He needed to get a grip. He drew in a ragged breath and met her eyes. He could see the question there. "Sorry, baby." He returned his mouth to her neck. "I did like it." He bit her hard. "Too much. Too fuckin' much, baby." She smiled at him, flush with satisfaction.

She was a little vixen.

"Don't get too smug, darlin'." That was all the warning she got before his head descended, capturing her nipple in his mouth and giving it a strong suck. He released it almost instantly and did the same to its mate. He pulled away and blew gently across her damp skin, watching with supreme satisfaction as her nipples hardened under his intent gaze. "Told you I was gonna do that to you later." He growled the words as he lowered his head and took her back into his mouth.

Marie could only close her eyes and arch up under him at the exquisite sensation. Her body ached for him. He brought his hands into play and Marie thought she'd lose her mind at the intense pleasure.

"Oh, God! Logan…."

She could feel him smile against the soft curve of her breast as he nuzzled her, drinking in her scent. His hands were everywhere, her breasts, her ribcage, along her breastbone, touching her nipples, drawing down her sides with long sensual strokes.

His hands were going lower now, with each sweeping stroke. He caressed the satiny curve of her hip, the hollow of her hipbones. He teased his fingers over her dark curls, smiling again as he felt her arching up to meet his hand. He nudged her legs open wider and groaned when his fingers skated over the damp flesh of her inner thigh. A little embarrassed, she tried to close her legs but his words stopped her.

"Don't. Don't hide yourself from me." He thrust himself against her hip. "You can feel how much I want you, baby. I wanna feel how much you want me."

Her legs relaxed, falling open to admit him and they both groaned when his fingers slid over her. She was ready and he knew he couldn't wait much longer, but there was one more thing he wanted to do. "Marie?" Her eyes, dark and heavy lidded with desire, met his. "I wanna taste you, now. Lemme use my mouth, baby." She nodded and her eyes fluttered shut as he slid down her body.

Her lush, sweet scent was driving him wild. He wanted to follow his nose, to push his face against her and feast; licking and sucking and biting. Logan trailed kisses down her stomach and slowly teased the tight opening with the rough pad of his thumb, stretching her a little as he kissed her creamy thighs. He chuckled against her skin as she moved restlessly under him.

"Sugar, please…. _please!_ "

He slid a finger inside her as he covered her with his mouth. She tasted of wild honey and spice and something that was uniquely Marie. The rich, fecund flavor tickled a place deep in his brain and made his blood burn.

The first touch of his mouth was electric. Marie gasped and her hands clutched frantically at the blanket as the intimate touch overwhelmed all her senses. Logan growled deep in his chest and fought for control as he felt her flutter around his fingers. When she was ready, thrashing and needy, he added another. He was large and he knew it would make it easier later if he opened her up a little first.

"I'm bigger than that," he murmured roughly, carefully adding a third finger.

The sight of her delicate flesh stretched tightly around his slippery fingers pushed him to the edge. He bit her thigh sharply, suckling away the sting as a mark bloomed under his mouth.

"Logan! God!"

Christ, he wanted to eat her alive.

Her body began to tremble and he knew he had to stop when she started pushing herself up against his mouth and whimpering. He could feel her strong internal muscles start to clench and flutter around his fingers. Marie made a low noise of protest deep in her throat and dug her fingers into his arms as he reluctantly pulled away and slid up her body.

"Noo… please, sugar… I need…"

"Shhh, darlin'. It's alright. I know. I know, baby." The crooning rasp of his voice was hot against her skin. "I'm gonna give you what you need, honey." She arched under him, silently demanding something she was unable to put into words. "I know. I know you're close." Logan stroked his tongue over the pulse beating rapidly in her neck. "But you need to need me like this the first time."

His body moved over hers, at once protective and sheltering, but also aggressive and demanding. She shuddered at the incredible heat when he guided his thick erection to her opening and slicked himself before fitting just the tip inside.

"Put your mouth on my neck, darlin'." Logan growled the command roughly against her ear. "I wanna feel your mouth on me when I take you." Too close to the edge and utterly lost in ecstasy, Marie obeyed blindly, pressing her open mouth to the sweaty skin of his neck.

A hoarse cry was torn from him as he thrust forward and took her the way he was meant to, without hesitation, without reservation, without walls of any kind between them. Marie gasped against his throat and bit down hard as he filled her. There was no pain, only the unbearably erotic feeling of being filled and the sweet burning ache of her body stretching to accommodate his girth.

Logan grit his teeth and buried himself deeper still in the incredible heat that surrounded him. Her body gripped him in velvet fire, exquisitely tight and unbearably soft.

She moved under him restlessly.

"Shh… don't move yet, baby. You need a minute to get usedta me."

"No! Please... _More_ …"

"Greedy girl."

He brought her knees up and sunk deeper.

"Mmm…." She breathed through the sharp pinch as he pushed in the final distance until she had all of him. So full. She could almost feel him in her throat. "God!" Logan was unable to keep from shoving forward so she'd feel every last bit of him. She made a primal, guttural sound and he smiled with predatory satisfaction. He could bring his woman pleasure.

Gritting his teeth, he lifted his head so he could watch her expression as he withdrew and pushed back inside her once again. Her face twisted in a beautiful grimace of desire and her lush mouth opened in a breathless pant.

He slid one hand under her neck so he could stroke her nape and he fit the other under her hip to guide her movements. She was trembling and he could feel her body begin to flutter again, tightening around him. Her face was transcendent. He knew she was close; he'd wanted her to be. Clenching his jaw in an effort to hold back his own release, he thrust forward again and rolled his hips. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as her body shook with intense pleasure. A distinctly male smile touched his lips.

_Now, baby._

He covered her mouth with his and thrust sharply, deeply, swallowing her throaty cry as the searing pleasure splintered her apart beneath him. Her little hands held him so tightly and her body was bowed under his, lifting them both for a brief moment as it seared through her. He could feel it, like waves of fire breaking around him where he was so solidly buried.

Logan dropped his forehead to her shoulder, gasping hotly against her neck as he pushed down the desire raging at him and held her tightly as she rode out the last swells of pleasure. The rhythmic feel of her body gripping him nearly undid him and he mouthed silent thanks for the earlier release that afforded him this tenuous control with her now.

Marie fluttered under him and he raised his head to meet her eyes. They were soft and dark, shining with tears.

"You ok, darlin'?" He whispered roughly, glad for the moonlight that provided just enough illumination for him to see her face. She nodded jerkily and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face to his neck.

"God, that was so-" She broke off, shuddering. "So overwhelming, so much, I-" Logan could feel her hot tears wet his neck. He knew she wasn't in pain, just overcome by the intensity of what they'd shared.

"Shhh, it's ok, darlin'. I gotcha." He stroked the nape of her neck gently and softened his hold on her hip. "I gotcha." Still buried deeply within her, Logan's body throbbed painfully and he struggled to ignore it, knowing she needed his tenderness, not his desire, at least for the moment. He made his hands gentle, touching her with long, soft sweeping caresses. Helping her to come down.

"Having you inside me is so amazing, Logan, so special." She pulled him closer, searching for the words to describe the powerful emotions she was feeling, the awe she felt at the incredible beauty of taking a part of him inside herself. "You're inside me. Inside my body. A part of me."

Logan could hear the awe, the wonder in her voice and he understood perfectly. "I know, darlin'. I know. I feel that way too." God, he loved her. She made him whole, complete, driving back the terrible darkness, the loneliness and bringing him into the light. Giving him the softness, the gentleness he craved. Giving him love and accepting his in return.

She lay back and stared up at him, overwhelmed by the depth of emotion between them. Looking at his pained expression, she was suddenly aware he was still hard and throbbing inside her. She could feel his heartbeat deep between her legs. Her brow furrowed as she took in the smoldering heat in his eyes and the tight set of his mouth.

"Oh, Logan."

Her small hand cupped his cheek and she brushed her thumb over his lips. His eyes slid shut and he shuddered. Marie became aware of the incredible tension in his powerful body and realized he was holding himself back, giving her time to process, to adjust to the enormity of taking him into the body that for so long she'd believed was untouchable.

"It's ok, Logan." His eyes snapped open and held hers for a brief second as her words sunk in. "I'm o-"

That's what he'd been waiting for. With a rough growl he thrust forward, cutting off her words as a torrent of pleasure burned through her. His body was railing at him, screaming at him to move, to let go. He fought it, setting a strong rhythm he knew she'd be able to match. Flames licked at him, pushing him higher. He became more insistent still, driving her pleasure before his own. Her fingers dug into his buttocks, urging him deeper and he responded, moving faster, increasing the force of his thrusts until they were both panting. Fire arced between them as the friction became unbearable, increasing the pressure, building and building.

Their movements became wilder, more uninhibited, more untamed. His hands pinned her hips as he thrust harder, deeper, wanting to meld himself so seamlessly with her there could be no distinction between his body and hers.

One body, one heart, one mind. Forged in flame, tempered by love, and honed to an exquisite point by desire.

Her nails scored his back and his teeth found her throat as the intense heat burned his iron control to ashes.

He growled when she began to shake under him. Again, he covered her mouth with his, swallowing her hoarse cry of pleasure as her body flew apart and giving her one of his own in return as release seared through him, hot and strong. His body stilled for an instant and then exploded into motion with a series of wildly erratic thrusts as he gave himself over to the sensation of her body milking his. The pressure, the force of his long, sustained ejaculations staggered him. There was a scalding gush and the movement became so much silkier. Wetter and more slick. Behind closed lids, white light blinded him and he collapsed heavily against her, feeling like he'd been turned inside out.

Logan rolled to his back, cradling Marie against his chest as their breathing eased and their hearts slowed into a more even rhythm. He smiled into her hair. She belonged to him in every way now. It wasn't nice or politically correct but it was supremely gratifying. And it felt damned good. Felt _right_.

The soft flush of fulfillment lingered on them both, long after the sweat had cooled on their skin. Logan drew the covers up over them and smiled into the darkness as Marie settled into his side. He pulled her closer still and encouraged her to slide one of her legs over his. His smile widened as he felt their combined wetness seep from her and dampen his thigh. There was something deeply satisfying about her body carrying his mark, his scent. He entwined his fingers with hers and breathed in, reveling in the fact that her scent marked him too.

Logan brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm before placing it over his heart. "I love you, darlin', with everythin' I got in me." He spoke the simple heartfelt words quietly into the darkness that had settled over them like a soft blanket. Under her head, Logan's heart beat strong and steady in his chest.

He felt Marie smile against his chest and softly whisper the words. "I love you too, Logan. I'm yours and you're mine. Always." A feeling of complete peace filled him as he held her in the darkness and listened to her soft, even breathing.

"You were right, you know," she whispered just before sleep took her.

"Hmm…?" He was nearly there himself. Content and at peace for the first time in memory.

"Journeys end in lovers meeting." Her voice was soft.

"You're not wrong. But it ain't the end, kid. S'just the beginnin'." He simply squeezed her in answer, tucking her close to his body as a sigh of utter contentment left him.

Her ring sparkled in the moonlight. His eyes closed and he gently brushed his fingers over the satiny curve of her hip until he, too, fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

Author's note: Just one stop left... Toot toot!


	19. No More Words

The first rays of light had started to tint the gray morning sky a vibrant pink when Logan's gentle touch woke her. They hadn't been asleep long. He'd already rolled her beneath him and was softly kissing his way down her neck when she began to stir sleepily under him. He lifted his mouth from her breast just long enough to whisper, "Mornin', darlin'," before his warm mouth returned to her generous curves. He probably should have let her sleep a little longer, but he was unable to resist the temptation to wake her with his touch. He rested his stubbly cheek against her soft skin for long moment before he lifted his head and nuzzled her slowly, breathing in her sweet scent.

"Mmmm... Morning, sugar." A slow smile played at her lips while she watched him kiss his way from one breast to the other. She could feel him chuckle quietly against her chest.

He met her eyes and grinned wickedly before capturing one nipple in his mouth and giving it a strong suck. The chuckling got louder as her eyes fluttered closed and she moaned softly. She slowly arched under him, pressing herself closer to his warm mouth, stretching lazily as she did so. His soft laughter rumbled in his chest and when her eyes met his again, her sleepy gaze was a pleasant mix of quiet amusement infused with heady arousal. "Helluva wake up call, isn't it, darlin'?"

A small laugh escaped her lips. "That's one way of putting it." Marie could feel him smile against the soft flesh of her breast. Without breaking his eye contact with her, he brought his hand up to cover her other breast as he continued his early morning love play. He caught her nipple between his teeth and lashed it with his tongue while he gently rolled the other one between his fingers. Without warning, he gave her another strong suck and pinched her sharply.

"Rrrrr."

_God, is she growlin'? Heh. That's pretty damn cute._

Logan lifted his head and looked down at her. He'd never seen her look more beautiful than she did at that moment. Her face was still soft with sleep, but she looked well loved from last night and the flush of new arousal colored her skin. She looked like... his. He kissed her again and was rewarded with another soft growl.

He cocked his head at her, raising an eyebrow as he did so. "Still got a little of me in ya, darlin'?"

Marie grinned mischievously and arched up under him, rubbing herself suggestively against him. "Not as much as I'd like, sugar." She'd gotten a taste of his flirtatious playful side online, but there was no comparison to experiencing it like this - snuggled naked together with his ring on her finger and his scent on her skin. She could still feel the residue of their earlier lovemaking between her thighs, wet and slippery. She liked it. He did too if the rumble in his chest when he touched it for himself was anything to judge by.

Logan growled playfully and slid up her body, claiming her mouth in a heated kiss as he nudged her legs apart and settled his weight between them. He rocked against her, teasing her with light touches as he stroked her tongue with his. He groaned and dropped his forehead to her shoulder. "I don't wanna hurt ya, darlin'. You sure you're not too sore?" He broke off at the feel of her small hand rubbing his tip through the lush wetness before guiding him to her tight opening.

"Please, Logan."

He didn't have to be asked twice. He pinned both her hands above her head and sheathed himself inside her with one firm, sure thrust. The rough intrusion eased by the remnants of their earlier passion. Nothing he'd ever experienced could compare to the feelings she stirred in him, simply because for the first time he'd let himself feel with both his body and his heart.

"Oh, God."

Her strong legs came up around him, holding him to her while she adjusted to the intimate intrusion.

"Take your time, baby. I ain't in a rush. Like it here real good, in fact." His teeth flashed playfully.

"Me too." Her hands roamed over his back and chest. Soon the fullness itself wasn't enough. She needed more. Her body rose under his and he smiled.

Her eyes rolled back in her head and her breath caught as he began moving. He slid a hand under her hips and buried his face in her hair as he started a hard rhythm he knew would push her quickly over the edge. She thrashed wildly under him and caught her bottom lip in her teeth to keep from crying out.

"Don't." Her eyes fluttered open at the roughly growled command. "Don't hold it back." Logan bit her neck sharply and soothed the stinging ache away with his tongue before whispering hotly in her ear, "I wanna hear you, baby. I wanna hear how good it feels."

"Unnnh… yes. Logan…Logan!"

"More."

"Rrrrrr!"

Logan grinned as she let go the last of her restraint and cried out with each wild thrust. He could tell she was close and he smiled against her neck when she gave a throaty groan as she flew apart under him. She was still floating in a blissful fog of satisfaction when Logan lifted his head and grinned at her as his enhanced hearing picked up the sound of footsteps in the hall a few seconds before there was a sharp pounding on their door.

At the intrusive sound, Marie's eyes snapped open and she caught the mischievous sparkle in Logan's eyes.

"You did that on purpose!" Marie scolded breathlessly.

"Heh."

Without even bothering to deny it, he grinned wider and chuckled quietly at her as he resumed thrusting, this time with a slow languid rhythm. While he hadn't actually tried to make her wake anyone up - and God knows he could've made her scream that loud if he really wanted to - he wasn't about to have either of them hold back simply because someone else might overhear. He just wasn't built that way and lucky for him, Marie wasn't either.

"Well, darlin', it was your fantasy to make wild love that'd wake up everyone with a bedroom in this hall," he teased. Marie flushed and he smiled naughtily for a long moment before amusement gave way to desire. He closed his eyes and shuddered, grunting in pleasure as she began to move with him.

The pounding continued.

"Rogue? I don't know what the hell you're watching in there, but turn the damn TV off. Some of us are actually trying to sleep."

Apparently it was beyond Jean's comprehension that Marie might actually be making love behind her closed door. Logan grinned wickedly and winked at Marie as he thrust hard, forcing a groan from her lips.

Jean pounded again. "Dammit, Rogue!"

Logan's enhanced hearing caught the soft sound of the lock sliding back - from the inside.

_Fuck._

"Goddamn telekinetics."

_Moving shit with her mind, my ass._

"Hang on, darlin'." At least now he knew how Jean had managed to barge in on Marie that time when she'd been so certain she'd locked the door.

_Thatsa nasty little habit, Red, and one I plan on breakin' you of real fuckin' soon._

Logan's eyes narrowed.

_Like now._

Even with his quick reflexes, there was barely enough time for him to pull the blanket up and press his chest to Marie, effectively shielding her, before the door swung open all by itself, to reveal Jean with her hands on her hips.

"I'm testifying before Congress today. Have some consideration!"

She stormed in, taking several steps inside the room before the scene in front of her actually registered in her irritated, sleep-addled brain. Soundlessly, her mouth opened and closed several times in rapid succession as utter shock coursed through her. Logan was glaring furiously at her over his shoulder and Rogue was on her back under him with her face hidden against his powerful chest. Her mind was frantically trying to wrap itself around that incongruent image.

_Logan with Rogue? Rogue?!_

Her mind refused to accept it what her eyes were telling it. She'd made sure everyone knew that he'd said his heart belonged to her and nobody made a fool of Jean Grey.

She knew it was irrational. She was married to Scott now, but she'd always liked being the center of attention. Male attention in particular. She couldn't help but feel hurt by the perceived betrayal. She was so sure he wanted her. The animal in him called to something wild in her, something powerful and strong that terrified her. It would kill Scott if it ever got out with him. She knew it instinctively. It wouldn't kill Logan. She needed him. She was falling apart and he was perhaps the only person who might survive the storm. The only one who might understand.

This- this couldn't be happening. She needed him. Not Rogue. Her.

She stared at the couple intimately entwined on the bed and felt a hot surge of anger towards Rogue. This had to be her fault. She'd probably enticed him in here trying to seduce him the same way she had the night she'd gotten stabbed. That had always been Jean's theory, anyway. God, those breasts and that mouth? She'd always been a little tease. Even Scott had looked a time or two.

_Serves her right, too. That scheming little Lolita got everything she deserved._

She still didn't understand why he'd given Rogue his tags, especially after what he'd said to her. Jean continued to stare at the couple in macabre fascination.

_Fuck it. That's enough of this shit._

He'd just been teasing Marie. Sure, he'd wanted to hear her passionate cries - what man in his right mind wouldn't? But he hadn't intended for anyone else to hear them, let alone barge in and stare at them like some kind of pervert. Logan glared at Jean and his mouth twisted into a nasty snarl.

"Get out." The growl behind his words was truly menacing.

Something inside her snapped and her face hardened.

"God, what a hypocrite you are, Rogue, falling into bed with Logan the second he came back." For the thousandth time, Logan wondered what the hell he'd ever seen in her. The bitterness in her voice seemed to leech all the beauty from her face. "What about your precious Snowbou-"

Before Marie could answer, Logan did it for her.

"Just who the fuck do you think she's been talkin' to all these months, Red?" Logan watched with supreme satisfaction as her mouth hung open. "I told her not to tell anyone 'cause I didn't want you geeks checkin' up on me."

Not exactly the truth, but Jean didn't need to know that. He'd already hurt Marie enough with his deception and he was more than willing to shoulder any blame to keep other people from thinking the worst of her. It was the very least he could do.

Beyond shocked and still furious, Jean tried a different tactic.

"She couldn't possibly satisfy you."

Even as the words left her mouth, the shock of finding Logan with Rogue wore off enough for her to realize she was seeing a whole lot of Rogue's pale deadly skin pressed directly up against Logan's much darker flesh.

_Oh my God._

The contrast was startling and the words slipped out before she could stop them.

"How in the-?"

"Christ, Jean. How the fuck do you think? Jesus, woman." He grunted in disgust at her crass question. "And you're wrong."

Logan turned his head away from her and his features softened as he looked down at Marie. Even in profile, there was so much tenderness in the way he looked at her - the way he held her and touched her, that Jean wouldn't have believed it unless she'd seen it with her own eyes.

"She can satisfy me." Marie looked back at Logan, ignoring Jean. She only had eyes for him. Her body clenched around him in response to the tender look and she smiled when his eyes closed and he was unable to keep his hips from thrusting forward.

"Rrrrr."

Completely caught up in Marie, Logan responded instinctively, enjoying the pleasure of her body for a long moment before his eyes opened again.

"She can and she _is_." He turned his head back to Jean for a brief moment and his eyes glittered dangerously. "Now get the fuck out."

Jean couldn't believe what she'd just seen - and heard. She couldn't believe he'd do that in front of her. He was so absorbed in Rogue it was like she didn't even exist. The look of quiet ecstasy on his face was so uninhibited, so overwhelmingly powerful she stared dumbstruck. Jean realized this was the only time and the only way she'd ever see it. What was even more damning was the fact that it wasn't a show put on for her benefit. She could tell from the feelings they were projecting, their bond was such that they were simply unable to keep from responding to each other.

Jean watched in shock as Rogue's eyes fluttered shut and her hand stole from under the covers to grip Logan's muscular shoulder tightly. Her small pale hand stood out boldly against his darker flesh and Jean gasped when she saw a ring glitter in the early morning light.

_Oh, God. Oh my God. That's an eternity band. Eternity!_

The word seemed to echo in her mind, mocking her. Eternity for someone like Logan was an awesome commitment indeed. Realization slammed into her like a physical blow. This wasn't just sex. He actually loved her. He loved her.

_For eternity._

Suddenly, Jean understood that she'd never had a chance with him and she never would. Hurt flared anew and to her horror she felt tears burn her eyes. What was she going to do now? Who would help her? She was slipping more and more every day.

Thoroughly out-classed and horribly mortified by her behavior in the light of this new revelation, Jean spun around and headed for the door. Not even waiting for her to leave, Logan resumed his slow thrusting and without taking his eyes from Marie's face he growled over his shoulder.

"And don't forget to the leave the door how you found it - locked." He chuckled darkly at Jean's indignant gasp and grinned when he heard the door slam and the lock slide home.

All of Marie's bravado disappeared and she flushed, burying her face in his neck.

"Oh my God, Logan! I can't believe what we did - what just happened - that she saw us." Logan could feel her face heat against his throat. "She was watching us... and we were still-"

Logan interrupted her with a bemused smile and a quiet chuckle. "It ain't us that should be embarrassed, it's her. We were behind a locked door in our own damn bed."

_Hell, we're lucky that's all she saw. Heh._

Logan wisely kept that thought to himself. Marie was still much too innocent to fully appreciate the magnitude of the blow they'd just dealt to Jean. He pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"You were right. What the hell is wrong with her? She is unbalanced. I can almost feel bad for her. Almost." Perhaps he could have if she hadn't barged in. "And respondin' to each other like that ain't anythin' to be embarrassed about either, darlin'. In fact, I wouldn't have it any other way." He was silent a long moment while he tried to understand Jean's irrational behavior. "Where does she get off actin' like that?"

It was a rhetorical question, but Marie answered him anyway. "I told you, she's had a chip on her shoulder ever since you left. She couldn't stand that you left your tags with me after what you said to her. And she's just been off since Liberty Island."

"That ain't an excuse." Logan looked down at Marie and kissed her gently. "And I'm sorry for all of the crap you hadta put up with from her 'cause of that. I'd take it back in a second if I could - you know that. You're the only one who's ever had my heart, darlin'. The only one." His quiet heartfelt words moved her deeply.

Logan's grip on her tightened as he pulled her close. She felt so good, so soft and inviting. The world was rapidly falling away until all the two lovers knew was the warm cocoon of the blanket and the erratic beat of each other's heart. "You ok, baby?" He asked softly between kisses.

"Yeah. A little shaky, but yeah." She smiled up at him, her eyes shining with love and desire. "Thanks for what you said - you know - about it being you that I was talking to." He nodded once and shuddered again as he pulled her close and felt her start to tremble beneath him.

Everything was new and fragile. He was aware they still needed to talk about a great many things. There was a lot still unsaid and undone between them, but he knew they'd get to it eventually. This was their time now. The time for words would come later. He had plenty for her. They had so much to discuss.

And after he'd talked to her, he had some choice words for Charles, too. There was a whole library there of things he wanted to say. He clearly needed to have some words with Jean, too. She needed a serious reality check and some definite boundaries. But he supposed that was partly of his own making. He hadn't been careful with her feelings. A small part of him could understand why she was so upset, even if he couldn't accept how she'd chosen to act.

But now was not the time to dwell on Charles or Jean or the reaction of any of the other mansion residents. That would come later. Marie was in his arms and the time for words was done. It was time to feel.

He touched his fingers to her lips.

"No more words, darlin'."

She nodded as she began to move with him in a rhythm older than even the most ancient of words.

He was right. They'd spoken enough, sharing their hopes and dreams, sharing their true selves with each other in a flurry of keystrokes. And later they'd poured out their hearts and bared their souls in heartfelt conversation and soft whispers.

Yes, he was right. The time for words had long since passed.

Marie nodded again, entwining her fingers with his. He almost didn't catch the soft answer she breathed against his neck.

"You're right, sugar. No more words."

And then there was silence, broken only by breathy gasps issued against heated skin and the beating of two hearts that spoke far more eloquently than mere words ever could.

**~ The End ~**

* * *

Author's note: Thank you all so much for coming along on the ride with me. I love knowing what you think and that y'all can become invested in the characters and their journey! That seriously makes me do the happy dance. :)

I've gotten some questions about what is next… For those of you who are interested, I have several more novels (and some shorter pieces) to post. Two of them are old works, like No More Words, and three of them are new. All are explicit and adult in theme. Here's a little peek at what's coming:

**Bittersweet**  
Little girls don't stay young forever. Marie grows up. Logan deals. Tequila happens. _'Life is a long road full of many unseen twists and turns, bringing with it both the bitter and the sweet.'_ 24 chapters (complete)

**Holding Ground**  
In a post MRA, post Legacy world, Logan and Scott fight to hold on to what little peace they've found. A coming-of-age story. AU 13 chapters (complete)

**Run  
** Logan's claws were in her chest. His life force filled her body. His thoughts echoed in her head, shouting one thing over and over. _Run_. She does... and it takes him a decade to catch her again. 30 chapters (nearly done!)

**Shine Against Me**  
Logan and Marie and talk about pornography…. and then things get crazy. 20+ chapters (and counting!)

**Walk the Line**  
Marie comes back after taking the Cure. "She'd always defend him though, even now – powerless and helpless, and they both knew it. It didn't even need saying. The care of this beautiful man was written in her bones." 9 chapters (at least 4 more to go)

Yep, I'm certifiable!


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